Left out of group activities

[ChampagneBox]

So I have a group of ‘friends’ From my old job, and we try to get together a couple of times a year. We all live in the same town. However, I’ve noticed that recently the majority of the group have been doing stuff together when I didn’t even get an invite. The only other missing person is a girl who works weekends in retail, and she’s probably closer to the group than me. When I am invited and meet up with them it’s fine, and if it was like 1 or 2 of them or even 3 meeting up then fair enough, but it’s the whole group bar me! Am I being paranoid or do you think that sounds like a deliberate snub? I’m WFH, free every evening/weekend, no commitments, and I’ve never said I’m isolating or can’t meet up due to COVID concerns so there is literally zero reason for me not to be invited It doesn’t bother me overly but I’d be interested to see what yall think.

 

[Tea4u]

Have you ever said no to any plans previously?

 

[ChampagneBox]

Have you ever said no to any plans previously?

No not a lot, we only met up like a month ago (socially distanced ofc ) so it’s not like I say no all the time? I get the feeling the main ringleader if the group doesn’t like me for some reason, probably because I’m the only one that doesn’t pander to her

 

[Raininvain]

Forget them, it sounds like a clique and if they truly were friends they wouldn't do things like this.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Similar has happened to me. I moved to another town to be with my partner and I had no friends. Once I got pregnant and had my son i got sort of pulled into this group of friends that knew my boyfriend, all of them apart from one had babies. They were nice and all but it was very 'Mumsy' I went out with them a couple times. I suffered a bit with my MH (lockdown, new baby, away from friends and family) and this new group of 'friends' didnt invite me places. One even had a go at me for being 'downer than usual

I just got rid. Couldn't be bothered. An invite goes a long way! Even if you say no, its nice to be invited. I'd rather wait for my friends to come visit from where I used to live or I go visit them, than have friends that don't bother with me and belittle me when i feel down

 

[ChampagneBox]

Similar has happened to me. I moved to another town to be with my partner and I had no friends. Once I got pregnant and had my son i got sort of pulled into this group of friends that knew my boyfriend, all of them apart from one had babies. They were nice and all but it was very 'Mumsy' I went out with them a couple times. I suffered a bit with my MH (lockdown, new baby, away from friends and family) and this new group of 'friends' didnt invite me places. One even had a go at me for being 'downer than usual

I just got rid. Couldn't be bothered. An invite goes a long way! Even if you say no, its nice to be invited. I'd rather wait for my friends to come visit from where I used to live or I go visit them, than have friends that don't bother with me and belittle me when i feel down

I hope you’re doing better now! Who the duck says ‘you’re downer than usual??’ suffering with my MH as well that is so triggering!
Yeah even if you think I’m busy or whatever still ask me! Oh well I’m not overly bothered to be honest

 

[Tea4u]

I saw this quote
Don’t water dead quotes.
If they don’t try with you or make any effort, it shows who deserves to be in your life and you don’t need half assed “friends”.

 

[ChloChlo]

You don't need friends like those and definately sounds a bit cliquey.

I was until recently part of a quad of friends - we are all women who met starting the journey of becoming clean a couple of years ago. They started having odd girly nights without me and weekends away, then tell me they thought I wouldn't want to go or I wouldnt get a babysitter. It was a very fresh friendship group, so it wasn't already established. Instead of blaming and looking at myself, I thought I'd just observe our interactions (including those on social media too) for a while as ironically on the sobriety courses we were all on, we were covering some psychology, including reading cues from others.

I noticed that, like in your case, there was a main girl, the other two seemed to pander down to where as I wouldnt. The other two girls who didnt really appear close themselves seemed to be tripping up over eachother for that one main girls acknowledgement, time and affection. I noticed I was getting left out of arrangements when one of the panderers would gravitate towards me. It was almost as if my presence was annoying to main girl and she thought she would lose her two a lickers who were always at her beck and call, they would literally drop any other commitments they had of their own, if main girl had one of her "bad days" and needed her child taken to school for her for example, she once also threw a paddy because I refused to pack up an overnight bag for me and my child because shes fallen out with her latest boyfriend and cant be on her own in the middle of the night, I was only asked because one of the other panderers who lives the next street from her was on holiday and the other she couldnt get hold of. I eventually stopped wasting my time and noticed theyve made no effort to contact me. I left it as their toxic triangle! I bet if you took a step back this friendship group might not even be as close as appears! Wether it was established before you joined or not.

 

[no-no]

Ughhh, those type of people do my head in. I had one in my last job who took an instant dislike to me and tried to isolate me from everyone in the office. She latched on to a yes woman then slowly spread her tentacles Such a snarler with a massive gob. Some people never grow out of the high school mindset.

OP, did it happen the once or do they regularly exclude you? If it was once I’d be a bit miffed but there could’ve been a reason, if it’s happening frequently trust your gut and get rid.

Workmates can be a strange breed imo. Do they still work together?

 

[ChloChlo]

Also noticing you saying it was a group of 'old' workmates, are alot of their gossip and conversations about said workplace? And as you are not working there anymore feel you are not part of their 'circle' now. If so ditch them as they are likely to only be pals with eachother because they are still working together.

 

[ChampagneBox]

Ughhh, those type of people do my head in. I had one in my last job who took an instant dislike to me and tried to isolate me from everyone in the office. She latched on to a yes woman then slowly spread her tentacles Such a snarler with a massive gob. Some people never grow out of the high school mindset.

OP, did it happen the once or do they regularly exclude you? If it was once I’d be a bit miffed but there could’ve been a reason, if it’s happening frequently trust your gut and get rid.

Workmates can be a strange breed imo. Do they still work together?

They don’t regularly exclude me, but I have noticed it a few times recently like it’ll pop up on Facebook they’ve gone and done something together. That’s why it made me a bit wary and notice it, because it’s not just one or two meeting up it’s literally the whole group bar me and one other girl who works at the weekends. I actually messaged her last night to ask if she was invited, she said no, but she’s always working at weekends so they stopped asking her. But I don’t really say no, so it still doesn’t explain where my invite was

Also noticing you saying it was a group of 'old' workmates, are alot of their gossip and conversations about said workplace? And as you are not working there anymore feel you are not part of their 'circle' now. If so ditch them as they are likely to only be pals with eachother because they are still working together.

None of us work in the same place anymore, interesting you ask because I think part of the problem is that once upon a time I was a manager, managing them all, as well as also being a coworker to them all at a different time. I’ve always got the impression they weren’t very keen on me because of that, even though I was a perfectly pleasant manager.