Our last episode opened (according to a Photoshopped thumbnail and clickbait vlog title) with Kyle being invited by Bob Chapek to attend Disneyland’s media preview of Halloween celebrations. Wow, Kyle’s going up in the world, and we don’t mean standing on his desk to stick up decorations! It’s just a shame Jojo had to preemptively rain on Kyle’s Oogie Boogie Bash Parade by uploading a vlog proving Jojo had actually been the one invited and had surprised Kyle as his “plus one”. Let’s hope nobody noticed Kyle swiftly changing that thumbnail and title – oops, we did. At least we got to see Kyle and his fellow vloggers enter the Villain’s Grove, although for some reason we can’t fathom Disney decided to let them all back out.
The next day Kyle decided to ditch his BFF Jojo and visit Disneyland alone for a two-part vlog of him yelling obnoxiously on dark rides. Almost literally alone, that is, because someone told California he was there and everyone went somewhere else instead. Then we had another two-part vlog of him being obnoxious in general.
As ever keeping it real, Kyle silenced his trolls on Twitter by telling us he never accepts moneys (sic) from people. Paid YouTube subscriptions, Patreon subscriptions, live-stream Superchats and PayPal donations don’t count, of course. The money he pisses away appears in his bank account by magic with a wave of a wand by Disney fairies. Oh, wait, he might have a point.
Fed up with the ongoing YouTube comment criticisms of Kyle’s shenanigans his Dad took to the keyboard to sort everyone out. It’s time to be nice! To be human beings! And most importantly, don’t be hatters! That told us! He should have thought twice about that last remark considering Kyle’s looking as if he’ll be in need of a milliner to cover up his hair loss before long. And what’s his beef with hatters anyway? It’s not as if making hats for a living is as bad as being a two-bit churros-deep-throating hustler.
Next it was Sunday at D23, and the fabric of the Universe began to warp. Kyle couldn’t go because he had a prior obligation but could go because he moved the obligation but couldn’t go because he couldn’t get a ticket after he forgot to complete the buying process but he got a ticket but wasn’t sure if he’d get the ticket because he had to get another ticket to get into the park to collect the ticket from the ticket booth outside the park but he couldn’t buy a ticket because they’d run out of reservations but it was great because tickets from Disney appeared out of thin air anyway. Don’t worry, it made no sense to us either, and D23 turned out to be disappointing to everyone except Kyle, who had the best time of his entire life, apparently.
Then it was time for a quick trip to Knott’s Berry Scary Farm. Again people must have known Kyle was visiting because it was a ghost town in their Ghost Town. It’s just a shame nobody told Kyle not to go during the day because their Halloween celebrations are at night. Then again, if they had he’d have ignored them. Then it was a quick, frugal flight back to Florida to film gibberish, concrete and his feet again.
Not long after his return Disney World was struck by a tornado, but unfortunately it didn’t suck Kyle up and fling him over the rainbow, which is a shame because the Wicked Witch might have gainfully employed him as a flying monkey. The tornado brought with it an influx of foreigners who can’t speak English properly, just like Kyle.
Then disaster struck, noticing that his subscribers and views were falling Sherlock Pallo deduced that YouTube’s algorithm must be going awry! Not to worry, he’s going to solve the problem by improving his content experimenting with shorter videos of the same old crap. In answer to fans expressing concern that Tokyo Disney has banned vlogging Kyle reassured us that he’ll never be banned because they are only banning loud, obnoxious and inconsiderate vloggers, which proved beyond doubt that he’s the least self-aware person on the Internet.
Finally, Kyle spent a few vlogs pretending to be alone at the WDW Brown Derby and Wilderness Lodge when it was obvious to all that he had company. We were also subjected to a bare-chested thumbnail, gratuitous half-naked post-shower scenes, and a mysterious hand with white lacquered fingernails, which led to speculation that he’s dating someone, which makes us wonder why his date would want to be with someone who spends more time talking to his camera than to them. Then he ruined the illusion by tweeting that he’s never been more content with life, which proves conclusively that in truth he’s crapping giant redwood logs because his subs and views are down, because his content is lazy-ass crap the algorithm is playing up, and that the mystery hand belonged to one of his emergency beards.
But keep watching, folks, because he needs us, he’s now so obviously, embarrassingly desperate for views that he’d sell his own grandfather, who’s in ER by the way, comment with prayer$ down below, ker-effing-ching.
On your marks, get set, go...
Disney was allowing cancellations Alexa. And also I wonder if the room was under Kyles name bc he got a Florida resident room rate. Not sure if they do that at Pop.
www.sfgate.com
somebody’s been seeing the twitter backlash and is throwing shade! 
