She sounds like absolute cat, can’t believe she’s still acting like that in her 30s. I’m sorry you’ve got to be made to feel like this, what a horrible, unnecessary situation to be put in.
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I just saw this thread as I was doing a search for jealous friend! How did things work out? I always thought I was imagining my sisters jealousy, my mum would always defend her. Anyway about 10 years ago I found online posts from her on a forum similar to this where she had posted absolute full on lies about me and my husband. She had listed all the things we were jealous about of her and hubby. I dont mean to sound nasty but she doesn't have anything I aspire to have. I'm happy with my own life, family etc Anyway it just showed me how she viewed herself in relation to me and others. She was always sweet to my face. Some people are just consumed by jealousy and have narcissistic traits. I keep the relationship now know a superficial level which is sad for me as I'd love a proper sister relationship but I've realised you can't force these things unfortunately
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I think most people's first reaction is that we're reading too much into it or they don't mean it because they're family. I'm here to validate that you're not imagining it.
Unfortunately for me, things haven't changed. I have discussed it with my therapist and we've come to the conclusion that she may not feel fulfilled in her life hence she projects those feelings onto me. It's very hurtful because I only want the best for her and I'm extremely supportive but I have to accept that it won't be reciprocated.
I understand how you feel! I also want that 'proper' sister relationship. I have found some healing in friends who have been fully supportive and genuinely happy about the good things that happen in my life. So for that, I am very grateful. I hope the same for you. You'll be surprised how genuine, supportive and kind people can be. It's difficult to imagine when you don't receive it from your own flesh and blood but there are some good eggs out there. Wishing you the best
Aw what a lovely message. That means alot thank you.I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I think most people's first reaction is that we're reading too much into it or they don't mean it because they're family. I'm here to validate that you're not imagining it.
Unfortunately for me, things haven't changed. I have discussed it with my therapist and we've come to the conclusion that she may not feel fulfilled in her life hence she projects those feelings onto me. It's very hurtful because I only want the best for her and I'm extremely supportive but I have to accept that it won't be reciprocated.
I understand how you feel! I also want that 'proper' sister relationship. I have found some healing in friends who have been fully supportive and genuinely happy about the good things that happen in my life. So for that, I am very grateful. I hope the same for you. You'll be surprised how genuine, supportive and kind people can be. It's difficult to imagine when you don't receive it from your own flesh and blood but there are some good eggs out there. Wishing you the best
I am also thinking of going to get some therapy for this and a few other life experiences recently including the death of my Dad. I agree, I am trying to move forward by putting my time and energy into my friendships rather than trying to create a 'proper' sister relationship. For whatever reason, she doesn't want it. Like you, I love her very much and have only always wanted the best for her. It's sad but life is not a fairytale unfortunately
You're welcomeAw what a lovely message. That means alot thank you.
I am also thinking of going to get some therapy for this and a few other life experiences recently including the death of my Dad. I agree, I am trying to move forward by putting my time and energy into my friendships rather than trying to create a 'proper' sister relationship. For whatever reason, she doesn't want it. Like you, I love her very much and have only always wanted the best for her. It's sad but life is not a fairytale unfortunately
I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I hope you have love and support around you to get through this time If you find the right therapist, I think it will be extremely helpful. I've learnt so much about myself (and my people-pleasing tendencies) and I have found healing in so many aspects of my life. A lot of therapists/counsellors offer free introductory sessions so I would suggest booking a few of those to see how you feel with them.
It's nice to not feel alone with these experiences, so thank you for sharing. I've only recently met friends who have really given me what I craved with my sister. We can't make people feel anything or do anything, that's their choice. I sometimes want to scream "why don't you feel the same way about me? Why can't you be happy for me when I am always there for you?" but we can only be ourselves and if our sisters don't value that, there will be so so many others that do!
Sounds like old fashioned sibling rivalry and almost definitely about her own childhood baggage and feelings of resentment when you came along.
I'll give a perspective from an older sister: I did some therapy a few years ago and unpacked similar feelings of resentment I've had towards my younger sister for most of my life. In my case, it came from a few childhood things that were quite complex: a very high achieving parent with extreme academic expectations from her children, coupled with a major family trauma involving another sibling when we were teenagers. My youngest sibling was always the classic "youngest child", extroverted, very loud and vocal about her needs and wants with my parents. As the middle sibling I was more self sufficient, quiet and introverted. The child with fewer demands on them. What ultimately happened was she got a hell of a lot of support from my parents during a really difficult time and thereafter: while I forged my own path in life and didn't rely on my family for anything. I missed out on a lot of parenting and nurturing and on having a relationship with my parents beyond surface-level. That really hurt me. It continues to hurt me to this day.
Fast forward 20 years and I suddenly began to realise all of these feelings and where they came from through working through my childhood stuff. It's deeply shameful to realise you feel this way about your own flesh and blood. Feelings are feelings, they're hard to change so my strategy has been to create a boundary with my sister and show up for her in whatever way I can. I don't make the snide comments, never did, but I also realise it's toxic to feel this way towards someone and not fair on her. Over time, they've gotten less intense - doing therapy, coupled with making some positive life changes so that I'm happier with who I am and where I am, helped with that. Your sister might never change though, she might be aware of how she treats you, she might not, but she certainly won't be able to control it without consciously working through her unresolved stuff - most people don't do this work.
So my advice would be to create a boundary with your sister. Manage your expectations - she can't, and is unlikely to ever, show up in the way that you'd like her to as a supportive older sister. Forgive her for that if you can. And let go of the idea that she might suddenly change.
I'll give a perspective from an older sister: I did some therapy a few years ago and unpacked similar feelings of resentment I've had towards my younger sister for most of my life. In my case, it came from a few childhood things that were quite complex: a very high achieving parent with extreme academic expectations from her children, coupled with a major family trauma involving another sibling when we were teenagers. My youngest sibling was always the classic "youngest child", extroverted, very loud and vocal about her needs and wants with my parents. As the middle sibling I was more self sufficient, quiet and introverted. The child with fewer demands on them. What ultimately happened was she got a hell of a lot of support from my parents during a really difficult time and thereafter: while I forged my own path in life and didn't rely on my family for anything. I missed out on a lot of parenting and nurturing and on having a relationship with my parents beyond surface-level. That really hurt me. It continues to hurt me to this day.
Fast forward 20 years and I suddenly began to realise all of these feelings and where they came from through working through my childhood stuff. It's deeply shameful to realise you feel this way about your own flesh and blood. Feelings are feelings, they're hard to change so my strategy has been to create a boundary with my sister and show up for her in whatever way I can. I don't make the snide comments, never did, but I also realise it's toxic to feel this way towards someone and not fair on her. Over time, they've gotten less intense - doing therapy, coupled with making some positive life changes so that I'm happier with who I am and where I am, helped with that. Your sister might never change though, she might be aware of how she treats you, she might not, but she certainly won't be able to control it without consciously working through her unresolved stuff - most people don't do this work.
So my advice would be to create a boundary with your sister. Manage your expectations - she can't, and is unlikely to ever, show up in the way that you'd like her to as a supportive older sister. Forgive her for that if you can. And let go of the idea that she might suddenly change.