Inappropriate crush at work

[Jelly Bean]

I've just started following this thread!
It's so exciting reading it all unfold in real time! Glad it went well @Catnmouse

(I met my OH at work nearly 14 years ago now. There was a lot of dancing around before we admitted we liked each other - about 2 years but it all worked out OK.)

 

[Catnmouse]

Can I contribute? I interviewed someone recently for work (not a job interview, a 1:1 chat). I've recently come out of a long term relationship that was on and off for a long time. Sad but no bad blood or anything.

Anyway I was utterly utterly taken aback at my attraction to this man! It was a video call so not even in person, but it has been absolutely YEARS since I felt so instantly attracted to someone. He's lovely, intelligent, interesting... I think single.

I work for myself so it's not like I need to tell anyone at work... I'm pretty sure there was a bit of flirting but hard to tell with what was a fairly formal conversation.

My question is... should I talk to him about it? Someone suggested trying to arrange another call but I dunno... feels a bit fake.

He's a bit older than me too but I don't care at all. I have a very very intense feeling about him. You know when you have the most mad chenistry with someone? I'm really hoping it isn't one-sided...!

 

[JodieGreen123]

Glad it went well, and glad you weren’t imagining it!

 

[TheGlossy]

Feeling a bit down so may be overly sensitive but as I had already accepted it wasn't going to work out, I don't think your comment was wholly necessary to be perfectly honest.

I met a long term ex through work, my parents met through work and are still together. I won't be seeking this kind of relationship again but to rule it out entirely i feel is a bit silly.

It is a forum. You asked for advice. We gave you some from different perspectives. I don’t think any aspect of my post is rude or dismissive.

I appreciate you might be feeling down, but just because you’re in a sensitive mood, it’s not a reason to come back and antagonize a poster who was giving advice. You’re free to take advice or leave it.

Best of luck with meeting someone.

 

[Kitty kat 20]

Just on the train now... got butterflies!

Best of luck

 

[Catnmouse]

I've just started following this thread!
It's so exciting reading it all unfold in real time! Glad it went well @Catnmouse

(I met my OH at work nearly 14 years ago now. There was a lot of dancing around before we admitted we liked each other - about 2 years but it all worked out OK.)

Awwww that's cute!!! I hope it takes this guy a bit sooner than 14 years! I'm having to try to be cool and I am so uncool. I really like him.
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I've just started following this thread!
It's so exciting reading it all unfold in real time! Glad it went well @Catnmouse

(I met my OH at work nearly 14 years ago now. There was a lot of dancing around before we admitted we liked each other - about 2 years but it all worked out OK.)

Awwww that's cute!!! I hope it takes this guy a bit sooner than 14 years! I'm having to try to be cool and I am so uncool. I really like him.

 

[Catnmouse]

Now I need to figure out how I'll know if it's a date or not

 

[TheGlossy]

I don’t think he thought it was a date. In his mind, it was a networking coffee. Coffecatch-ups are pretty much standard in most industries.

Hence, the ‘let’s keep in touch’. It sounds more like something you’d say to a work connection otherwise he probably would have phrased his sentence differently.

It’s honestly more difficult to break the professional barrier. People will always put the professional hat on.

I would advise most people against making moves on someone at work unless it’s 100% sure and safe there’s a mutual interest and you’ve already engaged socially in a group setting or something.

I know tons of people meet at work but times are different now.

 

[Catnmouse]

I'd just be mindful of the "stay in touch" part of his text - I'd interpret that as he's isn't going to follow anything up himself and has put the ball back in your court.

He said "let's keep in touch", which I think is slightly different.

Semantics aside, I think it's fine if the ball is in my court. I interpret his behaviour so far as being very respectful.

 

[Catnmouse]

Yes! Sounds like you’ve got nothing to lose, unless I’m missing something and there is something potentially inappropriate about this?

No, I don't think so... he's not a client or anything so think it's fine! I'm just really scared about telling him

 

[Catnmouse]

Why not follow up with an email, and thank him for his time, maybe tell him about how it's helped your work and open the door for an in person meeting. 'If you ever have time and are in [town] I'd love to buy you a coffee to say thank you in person'? That way if he's interested he'll find time, if not it's no more than a professional courtesy.

This is a good idea

 

[JodieGreen123]

Yes! Sounds like you’ve got nothing to lose, unless I’m missing something and there is something potentially inappropriate about this?

 

[ada-lovelace]

Aww thanks!!

Coffee is tomorrow!!!!! I'm really nervous. I'm 99.9% sure he's single... but need to be prepared in case that's not the case. I'm really hoping I didn't imagine the chemistry coz it knocked me for 6 and I haven't been able to stop thinking about him

Oh yes sorry I didn’t read properly it was tomorrow! Well good luck do update us on how goes! I’m sure you didn’t imagine it and you’ve got nothing to lose by giving it a shot

 

[JodieGreen123]

How did you word the invitation for the coffee?

 

[ada-lovelace]

Thanks so much! Thanks everyone for the support and encouragement . I can't wait to see him again

That’s great news! Really hope it all works out for you

 

[JodieGreen123]

Ah amazing, well done! Keep us posted.

 

[Catnmouse]

I don’t think he thought it was a date. In his mind, it was a networking coffee. Coffecatch-ups are pretty much standard in most industries.

Hence, the ‘let’s keep in touch’. It sounds more like something you’d say to a work connection otherwise he probably would have phrased his sentence differently.

It’s honestly more difficult to break the professional barrier. People will always put the professional hat on.

I would advise most people against making moves on someone at work unless it’s 100% sure and safe there’s a mutual interest and you’ve already engaged socially in a group setting or something.

I know tons of people meet at work but times are different now.

Yeah you're probably right on reflection. I don't think I'll keep in touch with him though

 

[veevee04]

So I was sat bored in handover I'm newly single but definitely can't be thinking about that stuff its unprofessional. In saunters this man and jesus christ he's so fit. He seems to think the same, I catch him looking at me and he flirts with me all the time. The sexual tension is unbearable I've tried avoiding him but he comes over anyway and finds me. He's really nice.
I feel like a teenage girl, has anyone got any tips how to avoid him and get rid of the crush? Even cleaning literal shit and necrotic wounds seems erotic with him there.