I'm miserable

Misbehaving said:

I will second this!!
Lockdown is tough i've read so many posts recently (including my own) where women are having a really hard time of it.
What with strain on relationships (including family members) a strain placed on income and finances, health worries and concerns ?anxiety over the future if you add to this mix toddlers or babies right now we've never had it so bad!!
Lockdown closed in on ourselves men seem to be feeling restless and trapped (well mine does like a tiger prowling its cage!) women are having to pick up the pieces settle and soothe everything keep things ticking over provide normality in the middle of a pandemic where we literally don't know what will happen next.
Honestly with or without kids we are all having to face battles that we never thought we would have to?
We are all being challenged and pushed and pulled in several different directions we are all having moments of doubt and thinking did i do the right thing or not?
Its times of high stress as the new norm and i think considering everything we are doing well under the circumstances.
We all need to big ourselves up and praise ourselves and remind ourselves that we are doing our best and not to be hard on ourseves when we slip up or do or say the wrong thing, because what is the right thing right now is to take care of ourselves?
Thats never been more important than right now.

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Couldn't agree more. My job is a pretty laid back job i'm currently of fourlough. 18m old and home schooling a 6 year old. I used to gave an hour or two in the afternoon when my baby had a nap, this has not been turned into home schooling time. Get me back to bloody work.

Regaurding my partner not being very domesticated i like a tidy house, nice healthy food for tea, clean ironed clothes pjs. When I have too much washing in the basket or the house is a mess it makes me feel anxious (not even about covid germs just in gereral)

He wouldn't be bothered if if came back to an absolute shit hole, ordered a take away and put his work clothes in the wash once a week. He does do things when I ask but he's not very pro active when it comes to house work.

I honestly think alot of people are stuck in a rut waiting for this absolute shit show to be over (I know I am). Big love to everyone feeling the same

Titntat said:

Being in lockdown is shit.
I can only speak for my partner but he's so shit around the house, can't cook or clean to save his life.
Having kids can be shit.
Lack of sleep is shit.

All of these will pass. One day you baby will stop being a pain and sleep all night.
We will be out of lockdown so you can go and see you family.
Your partner might never cook you a meal or clean the house.

Try and get out for a walk once a day. I always have a 15 min mad clean whilst the babies eating her dinner secure in her high chair.
Get some washing in and dishwasher loaded before bed. Make you partner sort it before work. (Empty dishwasher pop clothes in dryer).

You've got this DM me if needed, I felt like I was at breaking point on NYE id have enough of the kids and my partner. Now wouldnt say I feel fantastic but I feel alot better


My kids can still be ass holes and my partners still useless

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But why do you put up with a partner who is completely useless and who doesn’t contribute?? He’s meant to be your partner - as in the person who shares your life with you. Your not there to be his mother!!!!! I honestly don’t understand this whole attitude of “oh well, he’s a man, he’s useless at household stuff so I’ll just plod along doing everything for him” - nah, fuck that! This is 2021 not 1951!!!!

watermelon sugar said:

He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

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Bless you I hope the sleep situation eases for you soon! I have no advice for that I'm afraid as not a parent but I really hope it gets better and remember if your baby is happy overall (sleeping aside) then you are doing a great job!

As for the partner situation, sorry but he is totally out of order. He's not in work everyday? Why can he not get up early on the days he's off? He's already up early for work anyway throughout the week?! I understand that people have different standards of things, so one person's clean may be another person's half a job but he's not doing anything unless asked?
I'm sorry to be harsh but anyone can play with a baby. Woohoo he's a great dad, he entertains the baby while you run around doing everything else. That doesn't make you a father. That makes you a baby-sitter! Fair enough he gets stressed but does he think it's not stressful for you? Also what's going to happen when the baby is older? When he's having a tantrum in the supermarket? Is he just going to never go out without you? God forbid but what if you died? Who's going to take care of the baby then cause he's stressed? It sounds like he just cba and is using the fact that he's working as an excuse.

Thanks everyone

I agree with all you're saying! I'm feeling a lot better today and me and him aren't getting on eachothers nerves as much

I dont think I can dm anyone I've been a naughty girl and had some warnings so think that luxury has been taken away from me!

watermelon sugar said:

Thanks everyone

I agree with all you're saying! I'm feeling a lot better today and me and him aren't getting on eachothers nerves as much

I dont think I can dm anyone I've been a naughty girl and had some warnings so think that luxury has been taken away from me!

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Good to see you in good spirits today. It's a long hard journey, but we're with you along the way

(Nice to know you've been a "naughty girl" )

Honestly my husband is the same .I think he believes the fairies come and do all the little jobs. He has to be told ( several times) to do anything or else it just doesn't occur to him .

I don’t have kids (yet - we’re TTC) but my partner is the same as yours when it comes to sleeping in late and the housework. He’ll happily walk past a pile of washing that needs to go in the machine, or a sink full of dishes, without doing anything about it until I ask. Its like he doesn’t even see it, whereas I like the house to be kept clean and tidy. It’s partly laziness and partly because he was used to his mum doing everything at home so it doesn’t even occur to him! He doesn’t start work until 10am on a weekday and at weekends he’d easily sleep in til midday if I didn’t wake him up. I keep reminding him that when we do have a baby, that won’t be a thing anymore!

I’ve got to the point before where I’ve sat him down and told him he needs to help out more because this is both of our house and I’m not a cleaner (or his mum!). He was defensive about it at first but he did start to do more. I do have to ask/remind him to do stuff still but I don’t think that’ll ever change.

With your situation, you definitely deserve way more of a break than you’re getting. And like you said, saying “that’s what happens when you have a baby” should apply to both people! He wants to chill out after work? Tough, you want to chill out when he gets home and you’ve looked after the baby all day.

Maybe you could try suggesting alternate nights to get baby to sleep? That way you both get a break and it might take some of the (completely justified) resentment out of the situation.

Hope things get better for you x

Aw @watermelon sugar, I'm just seeing all this now. I swear sometimes I think we'd all be better off single How are you feeling now?

DCICassieStuart said:

Aw @watermelon sugar, I'm just seeing all this now. I swear sometimes I think we'd all be better off single How are you feeling now?

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I'm okay! Had an overall better day with my partner but he can still be a bit of an arsehole

I felt so unhappy yesterday and very alone but I don't feel that way today! Hopefully the baby gets better with his sleep and I get more sleep because I get all emotional when I've not had enough sleep

No words of advice to offer above what’s already been said but sending you heaps of love. My kids have all been bad sleepers, no2 was particularly awful, and the exhaustion is just so overwhelming.

Hard at the moment, but I always found being out of the house actually makes me feel better. Days when I wanted to just stay in as I’m so knackered are the days I needed out most. So limiting with lockdown atm, but even getting out for a walk each day may help clear your head a bit.

Sorry I can’t help @watermelon sugar but just came across this thread and wanted to send lots of love your way you always cheer me up on here hope you’re feeling better

https://giphy.com/KL7xA3fLx7bna

My ex- husband used to call looking after our children as “ babysitting” - total asshole.

No advice but my 11 month old twins are also mini assholes about going to bed. I am absolutely exhausted. Just letting you know you're not alone! Sleep when the baby sleeps still applies!! All 3 of us have a mid morning nap in my house

I can’t give you any parenting advice as I don’t have children.

But, just to say I hope your fella steps up a bit and helps you around the house a bit more, eases some of the pressure off of you. I hope things improve for you all.

No advice from me as I don't have any children (though I can relate on the partner being a bit of an arsehole bit! )

Sending love and hoping you got a better night sleep last night!

Aaaw @watermelon sugar i feel sad that you’re feeling this way, you always seem so upbeat, I hope you’re feeling better than you were on Sunday, if I lived near you I would be round like a flash to help you out.
Relationships are really hard especially when children are so young as most blokes don’t get what it’s like for us Mum’s sometimes when they’re at work and getting to see people, other than looking at four walls every day it may seem hard now but I can assure you it will get better and you’ll look back on it and think well maybe it wasn’t that bad and the little fella will soon be over the teething stage, big hugs to you sweetie xxx

Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread

I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it jheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!

I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it my fella broke his ankle this morning the wally so it's like I've got 2 kids atm

I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best

We're always looking out for you x

Oh my word, he broke his ankle, so now you’ll have double the work!

I do hope that you are getting rest when your baby is asleep.

watermelon sugar said:

Aww everyone's been so lovely to me on this thread

I text my mate who is childless and told her how I was feeling and she said 'well you have got a baby now' so that means I should be miserable should it jheeeez it really does say a lot when people you don't know over the Internet are better friends than your actual friends!

I'm feeling a lot better, baby has been a bit better with his sleep but I dont wanna jinx it my fella broke his ankle this morning the wally so it's like I've got 2 kids atm

I'm glad I've got this thread to rant tho
Thanks everyone you're all the best

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I mean with friends like this
I hate this idea that that's just your lot in life now and you should just suck it up. When I was recovering from anorexia, my (ex) friend and I were looking at old pictures from school and I commented it on how much weight I'd actually lost, mainly because as you can imagine your mind plays tricks on you when you have an eating disorder, and she said "well you had anorexia, what do you expect?" I was in shock at the time but afterwards I was thinking god would it kill you to have a bit of compassion!

Some people really just have no sense of how anyone is feeling but themselves!