I'm miserable

Saddlesoap said:

Side idea, if he's sleeping a lot could he be depressed?

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Idk tbh

He's always slept this much! And he's very much 'I dont believe in depression'. He's always just been a deep sleeper, enjoys his sleep and always has lie ins. I just feel like he hasn't changed much since having the baby

watermelon sugar said:

Idk tbh

He's always slept this much! And he's very much 'I dont believe in depression'. He's always just been a deep sleeper, enjoys his sleep and always has lie ins. I just feel like he hasn't changed much since having the baby

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How about he gives you a lie in now and again though?
It doesn't seem fair if he sleeps a lot but your exhausted?
Could he not be with your boy for a bit sometimes so you can get some rest?
My husband can be a real dick sometimes but even he used to take the baby for a couple of hours either in the night time or in the morning just so i get a bit of sleep?
I realise that things might be a bit tense right now but maybe see if you can come to some kind of compromise/arrangement?
Chronic sleep deprivation can affect some people really badly (myself included) and it can be difficult to function properly?
I really hope he can be understanding and see things from your point of view?
Yes he has needs but so do you and you are just as important and as others have said its his child as well he should also help?
I know its tough but i hope you work it out because its not good for you to be struggling with everything yourself and because you don't have family back up he needs to pull his weight a bit more i think?
Its not just your job?
I hope things pick up for you i really do and good luck with everything.

I always think how lovely you sound on here watermelon, your posts make me smile. The same thing happened to me, I thought I was going mad from the lack of sleep, I was having heart palpitations and I hadn’t slept for more than 2 hours straight for nearly a year. Like Sailorontheseasea I did sleep training. It’s so hard because it has stigma attached, and goes against every instinct as a mum, but it worked.
I wish I’d done it sooner.

Beverley Macker said:

I always think how lovely you sound on here watermelon, your posts make me smile. The same thing happened to me, I thought I was going mad from the lack of sleep, I was having heart palpitations and I hadn’t slept for more than 2 hours straight for nearly a year. Like Sailorontheseasea I did sleep training. It’s so hard because it has stigma attached, and goes against every instinct as a mum, but it worked.
I wish I’d done it sooner.

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Thank you, that's so sweet
I had a good night's sleep last night he was a bit fidgety through the night but he managed to self soothe and werent awake any of the time so I managed to sleep and he didn't get up till 6.40
It's mad how much better you feel when you've had a proper sleep

I was so down yesterday, I'm hoping to have a better day today!

I have considered sleep training tbh. I'm such a pushover though I dont think I could do it

Hi, I'd keep your options very much open, could you talk to your Mum and Dad about what's going on for you? It sounds to me like hes very lazy and an entitled man. What did he think it was like having a baby? If he doesn't improve within a short space of time I'd be off. If he's as bad as this what's he going to be like if you have a serious life problem? Like someone is very ill and needs a lot of treatment or a sudden death etc? You need someone who will support you and your child not sleeping beauty.
If he's got depression then he needs to get treatment.
Hope things do turnaround for you.

I don’t agree that a go to should be leaving.

Relationships go through difficult stages, if you cut and run as soon as things get tough then you’re never going to get very far. Especially when there’s a child involved.

I don’t think there will be many things you go through harder for a couple than a first baby - especially in a pandemic.

What did your partner say to you when you tried talking to him, if you don’t mind sharing? I’m keen to know what he thinks of the situation. Can I also ask how old you both are?

Oh love. Your fella is being out of order. Looking after a baby is a full time job and you're doing everything else on top. This hideous sleeping will pass. Give yourself a break in the evening instead of trying to wrestle him to sleep just sit him on the floor with some toys or put peppa or night garden on or something. You can always chill on your phone too. His routine is fucked anyway durijg a sleep regression. Totally bit your fault btw. In the day if it gets tough pop him in the buggy and go for a walk. Even if the weather is shit he might still sleep. I find getting out is a good reset. Both of mine were shit sleepers until 18 months so I've been through it. My baby had me up every hour last night and then awake for the day at 5. She's such a dick haha

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

Wow. I'd be packing my bags personally. Its not for you to do everything, he sounds really childish and dismissive. You dont have to put up with this at all.

watermelon sugar said:

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

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Nah. He’s not getting it. You know what I’d do? When he’s at home next, on a day off, you leave him with the baby. Just tell him you are heading out for a while and leave him to it. See how easy he finds it.
Also - stop doing his washing. If he’s so fucking lazy that he claims he doesn’t know how a washing machine works well, he’s not going to have clean clothes now is he.

honestly, he’s being an arsehole. This child is as much his as yours and the responsibility of looking after him is supposed to be an equal split between the pair of you. If he’s not interested in being a parent, get rid of him.

My son went through the same thing at about 10 months, fighting his naps and bedtime, it would take hours to get him to sleep and we’d all end up in tears by then end of it. We tried controlled crying and it worked so well for us, he sleeps through the night now and has a good 90 min nap at lunchtime.
If you do want any tips let me know, I understand it’s not for everyone though. xx

watermelon sugar said:

I'm 25 and he is 30. To be fair, he's brilliant with me, I've had health problems in the past, I have seizures and I've smacked my face, nearly swallowed my tongue and he has looked after me amazingly. He's just different in this case...

Well I told him how I felt and said that I was exhausted, needed help around the house and I suggested if the baby is bad multiple days in a row we take it in turns. His reply was 'I don't know how to work the washing machine' so I explained how to do it and he just gave me a funny look. He said that when he gets in from work he just wants to relax not tidy up and have to deal with a moody baby who doesn't sleep. I said that if I've been dealing with the baby all day it's hard when the baby is being a nightmare with his sleep. He said "well that's what happens when you have a baby" ? surely that is meant for both of us. Then he said that we have it easy, just have a baby who doesn't sleep, could be worse he could be an unhappy baby, which is fair enough the baby is smiley and very happy in general just an awful sleeper. He just kept on saying 'that's what happens when you have a baby'

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I'm sorry that's a bullshit excuse. My husband is disabled and in a wheelchair and he still manages to do things around the house. Not specifically the washing machine cos he can't get to it, but empties dishwasher (even if it does take him 20mins!) and vacuums.

I agree with another post. Stop doing his washing.

Out of interest did you plan to get pregnant or was it an accident? (don't feel you need to answer!)

Saddlesoap said:

I'm sorry that's a bullshit excuse. My husband is disabled and in a wheelchair and he still manages to do things around the house. Not specifically the washing machine cos he can't get to it, but empties dishwasher (even if it does take him 20mins!) and vacuums.

I agree with another post. Stop doing his washing.

Out of interest did you plan to get pregnant or was it an accident? (don't feel you need to answer!)

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It was planned

watermelon sugar said:

It was planned

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does he do anything at all around the house? Does he take any interest in your son at all - does he play with him, bath him, feed him?? Or does he literally go to work, come home and sit on his arse while you do everything? What was he like before the baby arrived? Did he do his share of household stuff then??

BettyCrocker said:

does he do anything at all around the house? Does he take any interest in your son at all - does he play with him, bath him, feed him?? Or does he literally go to work, come home and sit on his arse while you do everything? What was he like before the baby arrived? Did he do his share of household stuff then??

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He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

watermelon sugar said:

He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

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but he has to realise he does have stuff to do! I guess it comes down to sharing the workload at home. Ok, if he’s really not good with the baby during the night fine but he needs to understand that you need a break - if he’s around during the day and just sitting on his phone that’s the time you should be going for a rest and he should have the baby. Or he should cook dinner. Or sort the washing. Or hoover up etc - he doesn’t get to just lounge around while you run around doing everything and looking after the baby.....

watermelon sugar said:

He's really good with the baby playing wise. He'll play with him for hours but it's when it's night time and nap time he gets frustrated if he doesn't get to sleep straight away
When he cries due to teething/this regression he goes through he gets really pissed off and stressed. Then that's when he moans about his sleep
Yesterday he took the baby for a walk while I hoovered up, babies scared of the hoover
He does the odd chore like brushing up but I have to repeatedly ask him
He's more of a got nothing to do- ill sit and chill and play on my phone type
He gets it from his Mum...

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Honestly this feels so similar to me and my husband. As soon as things with our son get “tough” I always have to deal because he gets stressed and I don’t like my son feeling the tension. So if he’s going through a I like my dinner on the floor rather than my mouth phase my husband gets so stressed whereas I’m more like oh well, the dog will enjoy it.

This is why I said about going back to work because I think when you’re at home and they’re working, you feel an element of guilt about it, especially when you’ve always worked. When I returned to work I could say to my husband no, you’re going to have to help me and now I give him options. So do you want to clean the bathroom or mop the floors? Or sort washing or walk the dog etc. Same with through the night, I did last night it’s your turn tonight. Or I’ll say I’m going for a bath or whatever.

I honestly feel for you because it’s so tiring being a Mum, and the buck always stops with Mum unfortunately.

Being in lockdown is shit.
I can only speak for my partner but he's so shit around the house, can't cook or clean to save his life.
Having kids can be shit.
Lack of sleep is shit.

All of these will pass. One day you baby will stop being a pain and sleep all night.
We will be out of lockdown so you can go and see you family.
Your partner might never cook you a meal or clean the house.

Try and get out for a walk once a day. I always have a 15 min mad clean whilst the babies eating her dinner secure in her high chair.
Get some washing in and dishwasher loaded before bed. Make you partner sort it before work. (Empty dishwasher pop clothes in dryer).

You've got this DM me if needed, I felt like I was at breaking point on NYE id have enough of the kids and my partner. Now wouldnt say I feel fantastic but I feel alot better


My kids can still be ass holes and my partners still useless

Titntat said:

Being in lockdown is shit.
I can only speak for my partber but he's so shit around the house, can't cook or clean to save his life.
Having kids can be shit.
Lack of sleep is shit.

All of these will pass. One day you baby will stop being a pain and sleep all night.
We will be out of lockdown so you can go and see you family.
Your partner might never cook you a meal or clean the house.

Try and get out for a walk once a day. I always have a 15 min mad clean whilst the babies eating her dinner secure in her high chair.
Get some washing in and dishwasher loaded before bed. Make you partner sort it before work. (Empty dishwasher pop clothes in dryer).

You've got this DM me if needed, I felt like I was at breaking point on NYE id have enough of the kids and my partner. Now wouldnt say I feel fantastic but I feel alot better

My kids can still be ass holes and my partners still abit useless

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I will second this!!
Lockdown is tough i've read so many posts recently (including my own) where women are having a really hard time of it.
What with strain on relationships (including family members) a strain placed on income and finances, health worries and concerns ?anxiety over the future if you add to this mix toddlers or babies right now we've never had it so bad!!
Lockdown closed in on ourselves men seem to be feeling restless and trapped (well mine does like a tiger prowling its cage!) women are having to pick up the pieces settle and soothe everything keep things ticking over provide normality in the middle of a pandemic where we literally don't know what will happen next.
Honestly with or without kids we are all having to face battles that we never thought we would have to?
We are all being challenged and pushed and pulled in several different directions we are all having moments of doubt and thinking did i do the right thing or not?
Its times of high stress as the new norm and i think considering everything we are doing well under the circumstances.
We all need to big ourselves up and praise ourselves and remind ourselves that we are doing our best and not to be hard on ourseves when we slip up or do or say the wrong thing, because what is the right thing right now is to take care of ourselves?
Thats never been more important than right now.