Hurting over a breakup that was your fault - what now?

[anonesk223]

Hi all.

I am going through a really bad heartbreak right now. I don’t think I was ready for a relationship when I met the man of my dreams last year. He was so into me.
Sadly, my anxiety got the better of me. I struggled to be alone, hated the person I was and it spilled into my relationship. My expectations were sky high, I demanded too much attention and nit picked at everything he did.
He communicated with me a lot about how it was draining him and tiring him, how nothing he did felt good enough. And it stings because when I read over texts, I was really harsh.

He finally had enough and ended things with me. Told me I’m not a bad person but that he’s done trying, he’s finished. He wished me well and said “hope everything goes well for you” and that was that.

He was so kind and did so much for me. And everything including the intimacy was still so strong. And I’m full of regret. I feel if I had worked on myself properly it could genuinely have worked so well in the future. But his feelings for me have gone.

I’ve had messages from his family and friends telling me how lovely I am, to believe in myself and look after myself. That they’re sorry it didn’t work. And it’s so much worse.

So, how do I go forward knowing it was all my wrongdoing? I just want to talk to him and know I can’t because I chipped away at him.

Thanks all, from a very heartbroken girl x

 

[Jon9090]

Hi all.

I am going through a really bad heartbreak right now. I don’t think I was ready for a relationship when I met the man of my dreams last year. He was so into me.
Sadly, my anxiety got the better of me. I struggled to be alone, hated the person I was and it spilled into my relationship. My expectations were sky high, I demanded too much attention and nit picked at everything he did.
He communicated with me a lot about how it was draining him and tiring him, how nothing he did felt good enough. And it stings because when I read over texts, I was really harsh.

He finally had enough and ended things with me. Told me I’m not a bad person but that he’s done trying, he’s finished. He wished me well and said “hope everything goes well for you” and that was that.

He was so kind and did so much for me. And everything including the intimacy was still so strong. And I’m full of regret. I feel if I had worked on myself properly it could genuinely have worked so well in the future. But his feelings for me have gone.

I’ve had messages from his family and friends telling me how lovely I am, to believe in myself and look after myself. That they’re sorry it didn’t work. And it’s so much worse.

So, how do I go forward knowing it was all my wrongdoing? I just want to talk to him and know I can’t because I chipped away at him.

Thanks all, from a very heartbroken girl x

Judging by what you've written. When was the last time you & your ex was in contact?
Times a great healer. The positive thing to come out of the relationship break up is your self aware of your flaws going forward so whether it was with your ex or a new person you've learnt & grown as a person to become the better version of yourself. With regards to your ex I really believe the saying "Things happen for a reason". If he continually told you what you was doing to him was effecting him & it continued then I'm not shocked if this along with other issues in your relationship he has had enough.
Don't be harsh in yourself. Relationships aren't as straightforward as we wish, you'll have your ups & downs, I don't know if you & your ex are on speaking terms, or you still keep in contact but very vaguely. Depending on the stage your at now. Dont put all your eggs into one basket with your ex. And focus on yourself most importantly, are you off a young age? I have some advice I could offer but I don't know the full extent of your relationship only the small snippet you described above.

 

[rainbowlemon]

In the words of Maya Angelou : “If we could could have done better we would have done. “

I would suggest therapy to help you get closure and to get to the root of your core issues. Wanting attention and not wanting to be alone could be from childhood issues and is normal.

It always takes two to create any relationship.

Do you have friends you could meet up with?