Hen do clash

[toodles88]

Hey, got a bit of a dilemma and unsure if I’m being ridiculous or what to do.
I’ve been invited to SIL’s hen do abroad but she is quite restricted on dates due to her job. The weekend that has been suggested clashes with my 30th birthday, it would likely be the travelling back day meaning I would be spending part of the day travelling/recovering from hen on my actual 30th birthday.

My partner thinks I’m being precious and just need to go to the full thing and celebrate my birthday on a different day/deal with it because it’s SIL but I’m looking at it as a milestone birthday that needs to be celebrated and I’m suggesting coming home earlier so I can be at home for the full day on my birthday. Really not sure what to do as it is a very significant bride rather than a random mate but it is also a very significant birthday and not sure if I would be creating family drama. For context as well, my partner is arranging the stag and specifically avoided this weekend because it was my birthday weekend because I told him it was off limits!

Please give it to me straight and explain what you would do, including if you think I’m being ridiculous!

 

[BettyCrocker]

I’d probably go on the hen do.....

I never really viewed my 30th as being particularly significant or did anything out of the ordinary to celebrate other than having a nice meal etc.
I don’t think it’s worth causing any drama over to be honest. You can go and enjoy the hen party and then have a birthday celebration the following week? It will be just as nice! Promise!!!!!

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I’d go to the hen and then celebrate my birthday on a different date. I mean it’s a hen, it‘s still a celebration/excuse to get pissed up! it’d be different if it was a funeral or something IMO, and celebrating on a different day doesn’t take away from the significance of your birthday - but then again I personally don’t like fuss on any of my birthdays!

 

[JakeMcEvoy]

Honestly, a birthday is what you make of it. I am a big believer in celebrating birthdays as they are one time of the year that we mark our own celebration of us. But this can happen any day you choose. If you get home in the afternoon of the official day you can mark it with your partner in a simple way and plan for a proper birthday celebration another day. I personally don't see it as something to possibly fall out over, especially given the year thats in it, so many people had celebrations cancelled/postponed. So many people had birthdays with no parties, no family members able to come over etc. Having it a different day won't make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things.

 

[bellinibobble]

Not gonna lie, I’d be annoyed by this. It’s a milestone birthday, your family will want to make a fuss of you but you’ll spend your day probably hanging and travelling, doesn’t sound much fun to me. You don’t need to kick off or fall out but you wouldn’t be unreasonable to raise it with the organisers.

It’s weird that your partner thinks you’re being petty but has avoided making his plans for this date for the sole reason it’s your birthday??

 

[panda_eyes]

It's annoying, but I think it's best to go along for the hen do and celebrate your birthday - I tend to celebrate birthday week (and when I'm being really dramatic/wanting to eat lots and lots of cake - celebrate birthday month), so that the joy is spread out over a longer period of time.

Because your SIL has restrictive dates due to her job, she's not doing it to be nasty, I would go along with it, but make sure you plan something nice for when you're back.

 

[JakeMcEvoy]

It's annoying, but I think it's best to go along for the hen do and celebrate your birthday - I tend to celebrate birthday week (and when I'm being really dramatic/wanting to eat lots and lots of cake - celebrate birthday month), so that the joy is spread out over a longer period of time.
.

I am glad to see i am not the only one who extends the celebration as long as possible. I have my birthday lunch, my birthday dinner, my big celebration with friends, my work birthday lunch.... so many variations of celebration

 

[Kim Mild]

We had people not come to our wedding because it was on the same day as their birthday, so people do put their birthdays first. If you feel strongly about it don't go and blame your work /cost/ coronavirus etc. Family or not ,they can't expect everyone invited to be able to tootle off abroad

 

[Lulu Goss]

I think I’d want to celebrate my 30th at home too... could you come back a day earlier maybe?

 

[toodles88]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I think I’m leaning towards now going and then just making sure that I can try to spend at least part of my birthday at home with my partner but then moving all the celebrations to the following weekend.. although I’m loving this birthday week idea

 

[Cloak]

You could’ve swept in and said you’ve already got something planned for your 30th And quickly book a weekend away but I guess that is out of the question if you haven’t said it already? Hmm it IS annoying but as others have said, yes just extend your celebrations and have a big 30th a different day. What day of the week is it on out of interest?

 

[toodles88]

You could’ve swept in and said you’ve already got something planned for your 30th And quickly book a weekend away but I guess that is out of the question if you haven’t said it already? Hmm it IS annoying but as others have said, yes just extend your celebrations and have a big 30th a different day. What day of the week is it on out of interest?

It’s a Monday so not a big party day!

 

[JakeMcEvoy]

Thanks everyone for your thoughts! I think I’m leaning towards now going and then just making sure that I can try to spend at least part of my birthday at home with my partner but then moving all the celebrations to the following weekend.. although I’m loving this birthday week idea

Yes, and you will be more justified to extend it because your day had to be shared initially. You need to claim it back, multiple times

Anyway, i am writing this year off, it does not count because everything else was put on hold, so I will not be including this year in my age either if you take this approach you can have your true 30th birthday celebration next year!

 

[Bae56]

You're not being precious. It's absolutely your call if you don't want to spend your birthday travelling with a hangover. I like a relaxing easy day for my birthday, then celebrate at the weekend.
If you do travel back on that day you could make sure you're not hungover, have drinks on the plane on the way home. Make that the start of your celebrations. The last night will probably be dedicated to both you & the bride right enough. The hens will want you to celebrate it too, the more excuses the better

 

[Mercedes12]

I’d go on the hen do and just have my celebrations the day after! Obviously it’s a milestone birthday but I celebrated mine the day before as it suited other people and it still felt special. That way you can enjoy the celebration of a hen do and also your birthday!

 

[Noseynelly19]

I would have a birthday week! Organise for a recovery take away, jammies, cosy night in with partner when you arrive home. Straight into celebrating! Then carry on the foreseeable... I like any excuse to celebrate haha!

 

[Sunflower91]

I’d feel the same and your SIL should understand. Being restrictive with dates means that she should know not everyone can attend. Is there any way you can go but return home a day early?