He messaged his ex…

jo1983 said:

No I haven’t


Yes. This. Why would she?!! I certainly wouldn’t.

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Exactly

If you asked to see it would he show you?

Also what was the tone of what she was saying about it? Was it braggy? Making fun, thought it was weird?

SnoopySnooper86 said:

Exactly

If you asked to see it would he show you?

Also what was the tone of what she was saying about it? Was it braggy? Making fun, thought it was weird?

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Honestly if he didn't want to show you I would probably try and meet up with the ex and get the information from her, for all you know he has already deleted the message anyway

I wouldn't meet/talk to the ex in all honesty. Go straight to the source, him. Sit him down, ask if you could see the message? ask what he really thought prompted him to do it. Try to stay calm and non confrontational (hard I know). Then make a decision based on that.

I had an ex that was always in and out of contact with his ex and the excuse was always some kind of chivalrous/ serious necessity. Really it was him trying to be present in her life.

I’ll admit, I’ve dated people that really did me wrong and for a time I thought I wanted an apology. But in reality that was just so I could unleash some rage about them. I can’t say I’ve ever met anyone that’s been pleased when an ex has got back in touch, unless they want them back. Apologies do nothing to rectify the past and usually it’s just so that the guilty party can feel better. If I were in your shoes I’d want to know what triggered him into feeling so guilty he felt like messaging 3 years on. Was it the way it ended or something else? He absolutely should have spoken with you- at the very least to know where it’s all coming from. Being all secretive about it just makes him look guilty of something.

I was with my ex for 5 years, after 3 years he contacted his ex to 'apologise' for his behaviour. It was all behind my back until he started having a meltdown one day and I basically got it out of him that he had been texting her behind my back for a while.

We split up, I was absolutely gutted. He went back to her for a couple weeks and then realised that the reason they broke up in the first place was still there and he came crawling back.

However I messaged my ex from 8 years ago (a different guy) to apologise for my behaviour but there was no ulterior motive other than I felt shitty for the way I treated him. It was completely innocent and I just felt incredibly guilty for my behaviour way back when and once I'd apologised I felt better.

If you trust him and you can openly talk about it, I think that's the best way to deal with it before jumping to any conclusions about what 'could' be going on.

SnoopySnooper86 said:

Urgh, I always think there’s an ulterior motive for this kinda shit. Have you seen the actual message?

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I agree.
I still have ex’s pop up after YEARS. They always want to pick up where we left off.

I have an ex (together 2012-14) and in 2019 they popped up to me with a huge message saying how sorry they were etc. Honestly im happy in my current relationship but we’d been through a lot together and it was nice to know they got the help they needed and to see them mature. I just responded no hard feelings and that was the end of the conversation. At the time they were single too might I add

There was honestly nothing in it. Sometimes people do therapy or whatever and feel the need to apologise. My partner knows about it too so there’s no secrecy.

I would be questioning your other half’s random epiphany though. I don’t think apologising to an ex is just a random Monday night thought for example..

Any update @jo1983 ????

………???? @jo1983

Really irritating when people post threads like this then refuse to come back to update on what happened after so much advice has been given…….

BettyCrockerr said:

Really irritating when people post threads like this then refuse to come back to update on what happened after so much advice has been given…….

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I'm guessing when that happens the whole thing is just made up. Probably posted on several forums to see what different reactions they'll get.