Has anyone had counselling?

[Isa Drennan]

Genuine question as I see lots of you found counselling really helpful - how do you get over the embarrassment and guilt afterwards of talking about private things with a stranger? I’d always feel ok during sessions and then afterwards I’d pick the session apart and think “god why did I say that, what must she think of me?!” or just generally feel like a gob for ranting at this poor counsellor for an hour. I’d make myself feel guilty that my problems aren’t that bad, and she must be judging me for being so self indulgent. After 3 sessions I felt like she must be fed up with me so just gave up really, I didn’t think I could get anything from it. I’ve spoken to people (friends/colleagues) about my experience and the consensus is I’m just a weirdo who overanalyses everything. It just really put me off “talking therapy” in general and I still feel icky when I think about it even though it was years ago.

Remind yourself it’s their job, as a mental health professional I don’t judge anyone, you’re more focused on helping people problem solve and actively promote their own well-being!

Also most counsellors have to have personal therapy as a practice/course requirement, so the counsellor has probably experienced similar anxieties about feeling judged etc! We’re all human at the end of the day, never feel like you’re ranting, therapy is meant to help you make sense of your feelings and emotions!

 

[1001 others]

I went to see a counselor in an effort to get over a very difficult break-up. I liked her and really loved visiting her beautiful home (it was set in the bush and so serene), but all she really did was listen, gave me photocopied handouts to take away and read (this was before internet age), and charged me $100 for the time. I stopped going due to the cost, and I also felt a bit uncomfortable spending that sort of money on myself (it was also at a time when seeing someone for help with your problems was mostly interpreted as self-absorbed).

I've done free CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) courses online to change the way I respond to things, which I've found far more helpful.

 

[birdiefly246]

Genuine question as I see lots of you found counselling really helpful - how do you get over the embarrassment and guilt afterwards of talking about private things with a stranger? I’d always feel ok during sessions and then afterwards I’d pick the session apart and think “god why did I say that, what must she think of me?!” or just generally feel like a gob for ranting at this poor counsellor for an hour. I’d make myself feel guilty that my problems aren’t that bad, and she must be judging me for being so self indulgent. After 3 sessions I felt like she must be fed up with me so just gave up really, I didn’t think I could get anything from it. I’ve spoken to people (friends/colleagues) about my experience and the consensus is I’m just a weirdo who overanalyses everything. It just really put me off “talking therapy” in general and I still feel icky when I think about it even though it was years ago.

No I absolutely get that! I used to feel really crappy when I had NHS/charity counselling cause it made me feel like I was taking it away from someone who needed it more than me. Every counsellor I've brought it up to has said that they don't believe anyone is more deserving than others and that everyone has their own issues in life. You can't say someone's is worse than yours because you're different people and everyone is effected differently. It's likely that it is your mental health problems making you feel like shouldn't.

also they are defo not judging. It is really hard to open up especially if you're not comfortable talking about your life in general. I'm a very open person in the sense that I'll chat about pretty much anything in terms of mental health but I am pretty private in that I don't voluntarily offer up information unless it comes up or I'm asked (probably a bit different on here but I'm anonymous but like work environments then no). And some things come with a lot of shame. For me, I'll chat about anxiety and depression but I don't like talking about being suicidal cause I feel a lot of shame around it.

I don't know where I was going with this really but yes it is totally normal to feel the way you do but your brain is lying to you and you're not wasting time/being judged.

 

[under the ivy]

I’ve been through counselling on and off most of my life. Was diagnosed with depression/anxiety at 13 and went through CAHMS due to missing school due to my MH. It was very patronising. The counsellor accused me of making up my bullying (I wish) and said I was jealous of my Mum being pregnant (she was expecting my brother at the time, big age gap between us!) which was totally untrue. I stopped going. Dipped in and out of the IAPT services my GP offers, I had some CBT for my past issues of being bullied at school as I find it traumatic now over 15 years later. I was eventually diagnosing with BPD after managing to see a psychologist (took over a year of begging my GP and going through various therapies). One CBT counsellor helped me overcome some of my issues but I found it opened up a can of worms in my head and made me feel worse!
I’m debating doing some online counselling via Relate (long term relationship ended this year & triggered poor MH). They do webchats and/or you can send an email. Hoping this proves useful.

 

[LucilleBluth]

Genuine question as I see lots of you found counselling really helpful - how do you get over the embarrassment and guilt afterwards of talking about private things with a stranger? I’d always feel ok during sessions and then afterwards I’d pick the session apart and think “god why did I say that, what must she think of me?!” or just generally feel like a gob for ranting at this poor counsellor for an hour. I’d make myself feel guilty that my problems aren’t that bad, and she must be judging me for being so self indulgent. After 3 sessions I felt like she must be fed up with me so just gave up really, I didn’t think I could get anything from it. I’ve spoken to people (friends/colleagues) about my experience and the consensus is I’m just a weirdo who overanalyses everything. It just really put me off “talking therapy” in general and I still feel icky when I think about it even though it was years ago.

You’re a better person than me - I don’t even feel slightly bad and good lord, some of the things I’ve told her...

But all jokes aside, remember your feelings are totally valid and it’s the person’s job, that they’ve chosen to do as a career, to listen and help. I can imagine if I felt judged by a therapist I’d feel rubbish, but a good one should never make you feel that way.

For me, I feel worse if I don’t get things off my chest, so having a stranger to unload onto in a safe space is the best scenario. It also means I’m way less likely to overshare with other people.

Just my two cents though, and I know it’s not easy.

 

[birdiefly246]

You’re a better person than me - I don’t even feel slightly bad and good lord, some of the things I’ve told her...

But all jokes aside, remember your feelings are totally valid and it’s the person’s job, that they’ve chosen to do as a career, to listen and help. I can imagine if I felt judged by a therapist I’d feel rubbish, but a good one should never make you feel that way.

For me, I feel worse if I don’t get things off my chest, so having a stranger to unload onto in a safe space is the best scenario. It also means I’m way less likely to overshare with other people.

Just my two cents though, and I know it’s not easy.

Very true, it's even more difficult when a lot of the people in your life are the cause of your problems. I ditched a lot of the people who have made me feel like tit over the years but it's a lot harder when it's your family/boss/someone you have to be in contact with for whatever reason. For me, as a most of my issues are with my mum, it's nice just to be listened to and be told that I am not a bad person for saying that she did a tit job, or be told that she tried her best (which actually isn't true and I'm now strong enough to realise that).

 

[Laur91]

Therapy is one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Mine was just a holistic talking therapy and for a while I went weekly then bi weekly and now I just go as and when I need a check-in or to ground myself.

for me, it was all about understanding myself better and my anxiety. For so long I’d coped alone and always thought badly of myself because of my anxiety, therapy helped me understand why I felt the way I felt and once it all started to make sense things begun to get a lot easier.

We would talk about Anything though from childhood to work to friends and family, we just went wherever the conversation led which I liked. She always let me figure things out for myself though which was so valuable.

 

[sarahboo]

Yes, I have only recently finished counselling. It was beneficial to me as I hadn't dealt with bereavement & trauma that happened over the last few years. It also made me realise that a lot of my 'issues' were actually related to other things that I'd just buried. It was expensive & difficult at times, but overall I am glad I went. The biggest thing I got from it was a safe space to talk about my thoughts & feelings, I never felt judged & I felt understood. I also felt that it was okay to feel the way I did & it was okay to cry!! Hope

I had a mix of private face to face counselling & distance counselling to start due to the pandemic.

What I will say is, it's not a miracle cure, which I lead myself to believe it would be. I've been out of counselling about 8 weeks now & I have felt at times that I've failed as I've gone back into some old habits & negative thoughts have come back slipping in. But, this is a learning curve for me as I've realised I need to also keep working at it, just because I reached a point where I didn't need regular therapy doesn't mean I won't have off days. My counsellor said I can go back at any time for a one off session which is reassuring.

Overall, I'm sooo glad I went. Its strange at first being so open with a complete stranger & it's uncomfortable at times as they do poke & question the past. I felt very lucky that my first counsellor I just clicked with & would go back to her at an instant.

 

[HoneyBee29]

I’ve been going to a private councellor for the last 4 years. Started off once a week then cut it to every 2 weeks now go once a month. Was initially mainly for anxiety but found out it’s been triggered but some child good experiences and depressive episodes I’ve been through so had a lot of stuff to work through but defiantly worth the time and money would recommend anybody to try it

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I have seen a counsellor on and off for about 4 years and I really recommend it, Being able to talk freely about things without having someone judge you is amazing and Its always helped me. I had mentally abusive ex partners and struggled with trust etc. I remember the first time I went in, I was such a mess, wanted to end my life, crying my eyes out... 6 weeks later I was a different person. Obviously they aren't miracle workers, but they are a great help i found.

 

[Sunflower91]

I’ve seen a therapist for over a year now. I had a really rough break-up and for 4 years basically worked myself into the ground - the only way I can describe it was mental chaos. I barely ate, had panic attacks all the time, turned to self harm. And one day I knew that something had to stop so went to see my GP. They advised a paid for service because the wait list for NHS services. The first few months were hard. I had to come to terms with how toxic and abusive my ex was and how much I’d just pushed away and refused to feel. I feel like such a different person. I still feel like I have a way to go- old habits die hard and I’m still trying to navigate things that make me spiral but if I hadn’t started therapy I’d either not be here or id have been forced into help.

 

[VomitCulture]

I’ve seen a therapist for over a year now. I had a really rough break-up and for 4 years basically worked myself into the ground - the only way I can describe it was mental chaos. I barely ate, had panic attacks all the time, turned to self harm. And one day I knew that something had to stop so went to see my GP. They advised a paid for service because the wait list for NHS services. The first few months were hard. I had to come to terms with how toxic and abusive my ex was and how much I’d just pushed away and refused to feel. I feel like such a different person. I still feel like I have a way to go- old habits die hard and I’m still trying to navigate things that make me spiral but if I hadn’t started therapy I’d either not be here or id have been forced into help.

how did you go about finding a private therapist? Did you have to go through a few before finding the right one?

 

[Raininvain]

how did you go about finding a private therapist? Did you have to go through a few before finding the right one?

Look at the BACP website, there a directory of counsellors on there.X. Ask them questions before committing etc. That's for private where you'll pay yourself. Theres also charities that can provide counselling like Mind or Womens Charities etc.

 

[Sunflower91]

how did you go about finding a private therapist? Did you have to go through a few before finding the right one?

My GP had a list of people and practices he recommended- some were completely private and others were subsidised by the NHS. The one I went with in the end is subsidised by the NHS. I’m not sure if all practices work like this but when I had my assessment with who I think was the senior psychotherapist, they looked at my problems and I guess my demographics etc and paired me with someone who they thought I’d click, not just someone who had experience with my issues.

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I had "brief talk therapy" when I was 13 or 14. I was a self h*rming. It was like a 6 week course of therapy (12 sessions) where I basically just had someone to talk to. It helped me so so much!! I had a terrible home life and was going through all the "normal teenage things" but I had nobody to talk to at all. I felt like I needed to keep everything g secret and was struggling. Just having someone there to chat with who wouldn't judge me or think I was weird was invaluable to me!!

 

[ChampagneBox]

Seeing my counsellor for the first time in months tomorrow, does anyone else feel like cancelling the day before? I don’t even know why I always feel like this! It’s almost as if my brain knows it’s going to have to confront some sad stuff and is trying to protect me

 

[bubbadabut]

I had CBT for my OCD and anorexia. Helped me more than anything else ever did. The lady I saw was brilliant, I saw her weekly for about 6 months. Unfortunately that was about 15 years ago and when I tried to access the service again recently due to a relapse, I got the usual referral and was then discharged after the second session (if you can even call it that).

Seeing my counsellor for the first time in months tomorrow, does anyone else feel like cancelling the day before? I don’t even know why I always feel like this! It’s almost as if my brain knows it’s going to have to confront some sad stuff and is trying to protect me

I used to feel like this, I hated the thought of my sessions and the hassle I had to go through to get there, but I always felt better afterwards. Hope it goes well for you. X

 

[JoeBloggs]

I’m going for my first session over the phone on Friday. I’ve provisionally got 4 sessions to start with, it used to be 12 but budget cuts

 

[ChampagneBox]

I’m going for my first session over the phone on Friday. I’ve provisionally got 4 sessions to start with, it used to be 12 but budget cuts

Hope it goes okay for you! X

 

[itsjustt]

Has anyone had counselling or therapy?

what did you get from it?

what form of therapy was it?

would you go again?

I have: Im 30-odd now but when I had counselling for childhood sexual abuse I was only 20 - it hadn't been that long since my "secret" came out and whilst it was what everyone (family & professionals) thought I needed at the time - it wasn't.
I would meet a lady in a room, it was big and cosy and we would just talk at my own pace, she would encourage the topic of conversation but it wasn't forced or pressured. To me though, it was obvious I needed more time for acceptance, it depressed me for days afterwords and I couldn't function for anxiety so I only had 3/4 sessions and I decided not to go anymore. It was the best choice at the time but, now I am older and a lot more comfortable with myself, my past and my future I have just organised having more sessions (over the phone I imagine) to clear up a few issues I feel lurk about bothering me. I'm due my first one on the 20th of this month.
I hope you're okay and if there is anything I can help you with - just ask