Has anyone else felt hopeless?

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I’m 30, to be moved out it various times but seem to always end up at home, my father died when I was 3 and I have no idea if my mothers mental illness stems from there or as I suspect is much deeper rooted. But basically it’s her the Years I’ve done everything, I’ve taken everything she’s wanted me dead wished she’d aborted me. Made me take overdoses then regretted it. I moved to London and she spent the whole time telling me she’d kill her self (my father killed him self when I was 2.5 so the idea is pretty raw) regular arguments include telling me she will kill herself, wishes I was dead,she’ll probably outlive me. I’m large and weird (I’m a size 10) and that my boyfriend cheats on me. As you can imagine this is the tip
Of the iceberg. I have no idea what to do anymore. Or how to walk away

 

[FitiverMin]

I’m 30, to be moved out it various times but seem to always end up at home, my father died when I was 3 and I have no idea if my mothers mental illness stems from there or as I suspect is much deeper rooted. But basically it’s her the Years I’ve done everything, I’ve taken everything she’s wanted me dead wished she’d aborted me. Made me take overdoses then regretted it. I moved to London and she spent the whole time telling me she’d kill her self (my father killed him self when I was 2.5 so the idea is pretty raw) regular arguments include telling me she will kill herself, wishes I was dead,she’ll probably outlive me. I’m large and weird (I’m a size 10) and that my boyfriend cheats on me. As you can imagine this is the tip
Of the iceberg. I have no idea what to do anymore. Or how to walk away

I’m here if you want to chat in DMs. I can’t seem to send you a private message, but reach out if you need someone to talk to. You are not alone xx

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I’m here if you want to chat in DMs. I can’t seem to send you a private message, but reach out if you need someone to talk to. You are not alone xx

Just tried to message you and also can’t? Not sure why

 

[Anonymous_Troll]

I didn’t want to read and run. You have endured so much and so it is no wonder you are left feeling hopeless. Brighter days can and will come but please, please reach out - I’ve attached a link to Mind charity who can signpost you to some support. Sending you love and please don’t give up x

https://www.mind.org.uk/information...ces/crisis-services/getting-help-in-a-crisis/

 

[B.B]

I’m 30, to be moved out it various times but seem to always end up at home, my father died when I was 3 and I have no idea if my mothers mental illness stems from there or as I suspect is much deeper rooted. But basically it’s her the Years I’ve done everything, I’ve taken everything she’s wanted me dead wished she’d aborted me. Made me take overdoses then regretted it. I moved to London and she spent the whole time telling me she’d kill her self (my father killed him self when I was 2.5 so the idea is pretty raw) regular arguments include telling me she will kill herself, wishes I was dead,she’ll probably outlive me. I’m large and weird (I’m a size 10) and that my boyfriend cheats on me. As you can imagine this is the tip
Of the iceberg. I have no idea what to do anymore. Or how to walk away

Tomorrow morning...hop out of bed. Make tea/coffee. Shower. Go for a walk. Think and be grateful for what you are not what you think you should be...be yourself.

 

[Sillygoose]

I know it might be hard but walk away maybe get a place with your b.f. Awful a mother could talk to her child like that. I'd cut contact altogether

 

[FitiverMin]

Just tried to message you and also can’t? Not sure why

I’ll try and change my settings x

Just tried to message you and also can’t? Not sure why

Maybe you might need to change yours?

 

[Rosalind96]

If you can access therapy then please do, it would help you make some sense of this all. Your mum is clearly unwell and abusive. It sounds like you need really consider if there’s a relationship that can be salvaged there and, if there is, is it worth it? Cutting off my abusive dad did wonders for my self worth. It’s been 7 years now and I don’t regret it at all. That said, lots of people rely on their abusers for housing/financial support so I realise it might not be as easy for you. Hope you find a way through this and come out happier in the end x

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I’ll try and change my settings x


Maybe you might need to change yours?

I’ve just checked them all and usually can receive messages?

 

[FitiverMin]

I’ve just checked them all and usually can receive messages?

Me too. It’s not like we’ve blocked each other? Sorry anyway. You probably don’t want to communicate here but I don’t want to put my email address either.

 

[Kasiasaxe3]

Darling I am so so sorry for what you are going through. it is OK to walk away from toxic family members. You sound like you have made a happy life for yourself with your boyfriend. As cliche as it sounds we only live once. Go and live a wonderful new life with your boyfriend.

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

If you can access therapy then please do, it would help you make some sense of this all. Your mum is clearly unwell and abusive. It sounds like you need really consider if there’s a relationship that can be salvaged there and, if there is, is it worth it? Cutting off my abusive dad did wonders for my self worth. It’s been 7 years now and I don’t regret it at all. That said, lots of people rely on their abusers for housing/financial support so I realise it might not be as easy for you. Hope you find a way through this and come out happier in the end x

I’m waiting for therapy. But yes I am definitely in a abusive cycle

 

[FitiverMin]

I’m waiting for therapy. But yes I am definitely in a abusive cycle

You don’t deserve any of this.

 

[Babyyoda88]

I’m 30, to be moved out it various times but seem to always end up at home, my father died when I was 3 and I have no idea if my mothers mental illness stems from there or as I suspect is much deeper rooted. But basically it’s her the Years I’ve done everything, I’ve taken everything she’s wanted me dead wished she’d aborted me. Made me take overdoses then regretted it. I moved to London and she spent the whole time telling me she’d kill her self (my father killed him self when I was 2.5 so the idea is pretty raw) regular arguments include telling me she will kill herself, wishes I was dead,she’ll probably outlive me. I’m large and weird (I’m a size 10) and that my boyfriend cheats on me. As you can imagine this is the tip
Of the iceberg. I have no idea what to do anymore. Or how to walk away

So sorry to hear everything you’ve been through and are going through, sounds awful and no wonder you’re feeling like this. Even though she’s your mum she is a drainer and a huge contributor to your self esteem and mental health. It’s easier said than done walking away because she says the worst things someone could say to guilt trip you. Making you feel even more awful and putting blame on you.
is she willing to get help or work on herself? If not and this is the way she’s going to be, then she can’t be helped and you shouldn’t have to have a miserable life.
sending lots of love x x

 

[Rosalind96]

I’m waiting for therapy. But yes I am definitely in a abusive cycle

It’s so unfair that it’s so difficult to access! Are you able to move out to get some space from the situation at all?

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

It’s so unfair that it’s so difficult to access! Are you able to move out to get some space from the situation at all?

I can’t really afford to at the moment. I have considered going to my grandmothers but that always causes issues.

 

[Scorpihoe]

I wish I could private message you! I know both our boyfriends live abroad in Dubai, so we have some common ground, and I’ve seen you on the eczema thread lol. You don’t deserve what you’re going through, and I wish I could reach in and give you a big hug!

please consider moving away with your grandmothers, it may cause issues but it’s better than being around a toxic and abusive mother.

sending you all the love

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

I wish I could private message you! I know both our boyfriends live abroad in Dubai, so we have some common ground, and I’ve seen you on the eczema thread lol. You don’t deserve what you’re going through, and I wish I could reach in and give you a big hug!

please consider moving away with your grandmothers, it may cause issues but it’s better than being around a toxic and abusive mother.

sending you all the love

Thank you I’m not sure why private messaging isn’t working?
Hopefully I can bugger off to Dubai eventually x

 

[Scorpihoe]

Thank you I’m not sure why private messaging isn’t working?
Hopefully I can bugger off to Dubai eventually x

If you go, take me with you

 

[OutrageouslyScarlet]

If you go, take me with you

Same goes for you!