Kinda random, but I just wanted to say how beautifully you write!
That's exactly what I do, and try to put them out of my mind completely.
Last edited:
Kinda random, but I just wanted to say how beautifully you write!From a place of curiosity not judgement I would love to know why some people hold grudges forever more?
By the way I’m not talking about things like abuse or anything that is unforgivable ect.
the other day I was writing on a thread on here about a fall out with a friend about 15 years ago when we were in our early 20s. Was over something silly, both at fault but I was over dramatic and we never spoke again.
Then a couple of years ago I had a weird sort of existential crisis which lastest months and has changed me forever. It coincided with randomly bumping into this old friend and we ignored each other. This encounter merged with the crisis and I wrote her a long email expressing how sorry I was about the way things turned out and how much I missed her. I am a very different person now than I was then, I’ve grown and changed and don’t have any need to hold on to an old grudge or any other one from the past. She blocked me on everything and never acknowledged the email.
With all this time on my hands now I’ve been thinking about it, and about grudges in general.
if anyone does tend to hold a grudge long after something should matter, why is that? just curious about it all...
P.s I’ve had a sleeping tablet so sorry if this is a load of nonsense
That's exactly what I do, and try to put them out of my mind completely.I guess I hold some grudges? Not in the way that I don’t let the other person forget about it, I tend to just cut them out of my life
I’m a complete doormat and seem to be a bit of a shit magnet. It always surprises me when someone talks about cutting someone else off over one or two incidents because I let people get away with murder over the course of months/years. My ex therapist suggested it was due to childhood trauma/always having to be the peacemaker which makes sense
Until recent years I just put up with it at the expense of my mental health. Eventually I cut off someone who always caused drama which felt good. Very slowly, I cut off three more people. Because I’m a doormat I later gave multiple second chances which were wasted. It felt sad having to give up on some relationships but continuing to waste my time would’ve been sadder
One person did make a huge effort to change in the end, but it felt like too little too late. At that point I had no motivation to work on the relationship anymore
I think holding grudges can be beneficial in a way. Obviously I don’t agree with petty ones, and it’s not healthy if they’re causing you to ruminate or negatively affecting your life. But if a relationship is toxic and holding a grudge is going to keep you away from that person then that’s something
I won't repeat it on the off chance someone knows me posts on here and sees it. You'll just have to take my word for it that it was a massive overreaction.Go on...what was the comment?
Marvellous! How very dare she!!Hold a grudge, moi? Never!..... Except maybe for that time my auntie went on holiday to Spain when I was a child. Our favourite auntie (who we spent our pocket money on buying little gifts for birthdays & Christmas, rubbish gifts probably, but it's the thought that counts, right?) ... going on a foreign holiday, well, we'd never known the like of it! Definitely the poor relations we were (lol) holidays for us was a day trip to the seaside now and again. Would auntie bring something back for us, something foreign? A stick of Spanish rock perhaps? (yes I know, that's how young and green we were back then ) Maybe even, oh no, I daren't even think of how wonderful this might be, but maybe, maybe .... one of them small, tiny even ... key-ring sized, Spanish dolls in a lovely red dress I'd seen in one of my comics? And something, couldn't even think what you'd buy for a boy, for brother. Oh we were so excited!
So back auntie came, and out she came for Sunday tea, armed with ... nothing. Didn't bring back any presents, she said. Shops all closed, she said. Oh, we said. Ah well.
Few days later, auntie took me in to her house to stay for the weekend for company, and took me visiting to her newly found posh friend's house. Posh friend had a daughter my age and we were banished to posh daughter's bedroom to play while adults talked.
There on her dressing table was THEEE most gorgeous massive Spanish doll, be-yoot-ee-ful big red dress frilled with black lace. Oh, I says, I love that doll. Your aunt brought me that back from Spain, she says. Oh, I says.And she brought my brother back this (takes me to her brother's bedrooom) an impressive big massive ship with sails sitting on his windowsill. Oh, I says. Ah well.
Do I still hold a grudge after all this time? Yes I bloodywell do!
Sounds normal and reasonable to meSpeaking about myself i feel like even if time makes me forgive and get back to normal with someone whenever they do a new thing that hurts me i just remember it all and overreact, bearing in mind all the things they did in the past.
Sometimes they r close family or friends. And i find myself avoiding them for some time and during that time i feel guilty and bad about it. I realize that holding grudges only hurts me the most cuz I think I'm a crowd pleaser.
The reason for holding a grudge even for a short time is mainly because it hurts my ego when someone for example shouts at me during an argument or refuses to hear my side of the story. I also find it hard to apologise when the other person has made more wrong that me if that makes sense.
I rambled so much i know
We had similar a fall out after a night out just before my wedding. There was some tit for tat bitching and then nothing for 10 years. We would check up on each other on social media (she admitted this)From a place of curiosity not judgement I would love to know why some people hold grudges forever more?
By the way I’m not talking about things like abuse or anything that is unforgivable ect.
the other day I was writing on a thread on here about a fall out with a friend about 15 years ago when we were in our early 20s. Was over something silly, both at fault but I was over dramatic and we never spoke again.
Then a couple of years ago I had a weird sort of existential crisis which lastest months and has changed me forever. It coincided with randomly bumping into this old friend and we ignored each other. This encounter merged with the crisis and I wrote her a long email expressing how sorry I was about the way things turned out and how much I missed her. I am a very different person now than I was then, I’ve grown and changed and don’t have any need to hold on to an old grudge or any other one from the past. She blocked me on everything and never acknowledged the email.
With all this time on my hands now I’ve been thinking about it, and about grudges in general.
if anyone does tend to hold a grudge long after something should matter, why is that? just curious about it all...
P.s I’ve had a sleeping tablet so sorry if this is a load of nonsense
But maybe the basis is there if you both wanted to put in the work and build on the friendship. That would have been my dream.We had similar a fall out after a night out just before my wedding. There was some tit for tat bitching and then nothing for 10 years. We would check up on each other on social media (she admitted this)
I got drunk and was thinking about events that had occurred in the last 10 years and how I'd grown so I emailed her. She replied!!! We caught up and forgave but have never met up I don't think we will ever have that friendship back
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?
We use cookies and similar technologies for the following purposes:
Do you accept cookies and these technologies?