Kinda random, but I just wanted to say how beautifully you write!From a place of curiosity not judgement I would love to know why some people hold grudges forever more?
By the way I’m not talking about things like abuse or anything that is unforgivable ect.
the other day I was writing on a thread on here about a fall out with a friend about 15 years ago when we were in our early 20s. Was over something silly, both at fault but I was over dramatic and we never spoke again.
Then a couple of years ago I had a weird sort of existential crisis which lastest months and has changed me forever. It coincided with randomly bumping into this old friend and we ignored each other. This encounter merged with the crisis and I wrote her a long email expressing how sorry I was about the way things turned out and how much I missed her. I am a very different person now than I was then, I’ve grown and changed and don’t have any need to hold on to an old grudge or any other one from the past. She blocked me on everything and never acknowledged the email.
With all this time on my hands now I’ve been thinking about it, and about grudges in general.
if anyone does tend to hold a grudge long after something should matter, why is that? just curious about it all...
P.s I’ve had a sleeping tablet so sorry if this is a load of nonsense
That's exactly what I do, and try to put them out of my mind completely.I guess I hold some grudges? Not in the way that I don’t let the other person forget about it, I tend to just cut them out of my life
I’m a complete doormat and seem to be a bit of a tit magnet. It always surprises me when someone talks about cutting someone else off over one or two incidents because I let people get away with murder over the course of months/years. My ex therapist suggested it was due to childhood trauma/always having to be the peacemaker which makes sense
Until recent years I just put up with it at the expense of my mental health. Eventually I cut off someone who always caused drama which felt good. Very slowly, I cut off three more people. Because I’m a doormat I later gave multiple second chances which were wasted. It felt sad having to give up on some relationships but continuing to waste my time would’ve been sadder
One person did make a huge effort to change in the end, but it felt like too little too late. At that point I had no motivation to work on the relationship anymore
I think holding grudges can be beneficial in a way. Obviously I don’t agree with petty ones, and it’s not healthy if they’re causing you to ruminate or negatively affecting your life. But if a relationship is toxic and holding a grudge is going to keep you away from that person then that’s something
Last edited:
. I’d had a slightly out of date sleeping pill and my brain was fuzzy
..... Except maybe for that time my auntie went on holiday to Spain when I was a child. Our favourite auntie (who we spent our pocket money on buying little gifts for birthdays & Christmas, rubbish gifts probably, but it's the thought that counts, right?) ... going on a foreign holiday, well, we'd never known the like of it! Definitely the poor relations we were (lol) holidays for us was a day trip to the seaside now and again. Would auntie bring something back for us, something foreign? A stick of Spanish rock perhaps? (yes I know, that's how young and green we were back then 
) Maybe even, oh no, I daren't even think of how wonderful this might be, but maybe, maybe .... one of them small, tiny even ... key-ring sized, Spanish dolls in a lovely red dress I'd seen in one of my comics? And something, couldn't even think what you'd buy for a boy, for brother. Oh we were so excited!
And she brought my brother back this (takes me to her brother's bedrooom) an impressive big massive ship with sails sitting on his windowsill. Oh, I says. Ah well.
