Ghosted by a best friend

[bookworm1403]

Thank you for your responses. She'll be at arms length - I want her in my life as someone to be going through education with. Right now being a student with no lectures on campus or any library sessions is so particularly isolating. It is so valuable having someone going through the same, but obviously she's added to that isolation since October so not sure it would even be worth it.

Hurt she just assumed I was selfish for hoping my birthday was out of a lockdown. I obviously would never complain about the necessity for one. It's just all so confusing and she really wasn't clear.
She did apologise for ghosting, however, and claimed she is not good with articulating her feelings.

 

[under the ivy]

It’s happening to me right now. Best friend for nearly 8 years, met at uni, we’re both doing PhDs together. All of a sudden I’ve had zero contact from her. It hurts me because I’m always there for her & I don’t get it back. It’s really affecting my MH and I don’t want to send a text I’ll end up regretting. It’s such a shit situation as I went through a break-up this year & now I feel like I’m losing a really good friend!

 

[MrsTaraHayes]

This maybe an unpopular opinion here but here goes.

Not that you've done anything wrong cause I don't think you have but sometimes we just can't understand other people or are more sensitive to something than someone else no matter how hard we try. We also can't always give people what they need. Maybe you thought you were being a good friend but she needed something more therefore, it didn't come across like that to her. We aren't always compatible with everyone.

Ultimately her feelings are valid, as are yours and it's not fair for anyone to dismiss how someone else feels. Her opinion was that you are selfish and unappreciative and whether or not you see it like doesn't matter as those are her feelings which she is fully entitled to. In the same vain that you're fully entitled to be upset and annoyed that she ghosted you and feel like she's a bad friend for doing that.

You got what you wanted, which was an explanation for why she ghosted you (and an apology). What you do with that information is up to you.
Hopefully the friendship can be salvaged and seeing as you both apologised and had a conversation, you obviously care and respect each other which is a good start.

I love this response, ever thought about counselling? It really helped me see things from a different perspective in something I have experienced, thank you xx

I love this response, ever thought about counselling? It really helped me see things from a different perspective in something I have experienced, thank you xx

I do agree, with the original poster tho, I think her friend should have told her these things three months ago.

 

[Bobbleowl90]

Get rid

 

[TheScarletgirl]

This happened to me ! we sadly never recovered the friendship though. I hope things work out for you and your friend but it sounds like she is the type to do this before. Really bad communication on her part , I don't see why she can't call you. Meeting up in the new year just sounds like a delay tactic or she is hoping you forget.

 

[shadowcat5]

I have no idea why she’s said this now, to me it makes no sense. I’m not the same person I was aged 19 when we were friends, but I certainly don’t agree that I was a terrible friend to her either or was completely focused on myself.
And to insinuate I’m a horrible person because in the two years we haven’t spoken a word I haven’t asked about her mum, to me is deranged?! I didn’t reach out to ask in case it looked like I was using the illness of her mum as a way to speak to her which, in my opinion, would’ve made me a lesser person entirely.

yeah I'm not sure what she's expecting either? Does she want you to grovel? Also if she was replying bluntly etc then why would you ask about her mum? Were you meant to just keep chasing a friendship she clearly didn't want?

 

[Pixipoppy]

Very strange, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything wrong? As someone above said maybe she has developed a crush on you so is distancing herself? I’ve had friends ghost me over the years but I could usually pinpoint something which caused it, no matter how small. Is she particularly struggling at the moment and withdrawing from her life?

I’ve “ghosted” 2 friends in my life. One was because he made it clear he wanted more than just friendship after 3 years of being platonic friends and him meeting my long term boyfriend (at the time) several times. The other was because of a huge argument so very clear why these two happened. In your case it’s very strange! Maybe leave it a few days then just be upfront - ask to meet up and chat face to face.

 

[Gossipreadee]

Has anyone got advice for how to get over your best friend ghosting you!? Mine has done it to me, I’m completely baffled as there has never been any arguing, competition, bitching etc. we’ve always been big supporters of each other, always enjoyed spending time together. Spent ages trying to think what could have happened but I just draw a blank.

I’ve accepted she just doesn’t want to be my friend anymore for whatever reason. I’d have rather being told why because ghosting is horrible, it’s never happened to me before. I’ve accepted the friendship is over.

I’ll not go into details but for context there’s no reason why she’d be jealous of me, she’s got a good job, husband baby on the way etc!

I’m just finding myself getting really upset about it sometimes and just want to move on without worrying too much. I don’t have loads of friends so it’s a massive blow. I’ve definitely accepted it but just don’t know how to get over the moments of sadness I keep feeling?

I’m not at this point with one of my friends yet but i feel ya. It’s really hard isnt it?!

One of my closest friends has these episodes of becoming really distant. And then I get pulled back in because if she says do I want to do something I then think oh maybe I was just imagining this vibe that wasn’t actually there and then it happens again.

There isn’t anything major to punctuate it. A few years ago she had a period off work due to anxiety but has a new job now. (Obv anxiety doesn’t go just because she has a new job, but a lot of it was work related). But she often says she has no money or reasons that come across as poor considering her financial position(I know you don’t always know the ins and outs of everyone’s lives but when it’s your best mate you kinda have a good idea). Or she will cance plans last minute but no “I’m sorry for cancelling” along with the message. She will pick and choose when to communicate with people- the other day she was saying about doing something for a friends birthday- but for my own birthday she didn’t acknowledge it- despite her knowing(we have a group what’s app and some of our other friends had posted messages to me, I could see that she had read them but no acknowledgement.

What’s worse is that we are part of a bigger friendship circle of 7, so with some they don’t experience this side to her and others have.

I’m not sure the best way forward entirely because when nothing significant has happened it’s hard to realise it’s the end. But I wonder if you immerse yourself in other activities if it will slowly help you move forward ?