Friend advice - men and being honest

[Justwishfulthinking]

So I have a friend who on paper looks like she has a good life.

Married to guy she’s been dating since she was 17
Good job - professional health car insurance £30k+ working part time
Big house with large chunk of mortgage paid for thanks to his parents and luck with property
Got married to said ex after 15+ years of dating plus her dropping hints
Has two kids - one of each
Drives a yummy mummy wagon
Holidays abroad


All the superficial stuff really. She’s very keen on writing blogs on how much in love they are. I know them both and it’s got to the point where it’s uncomfortable because it’s all a façade.

He has cheated on her for years and she stayed for the lifestyle. At first it was a case of forgiving him and ignoring it. Now it’s like it just doesn’t happen but we all know it does.

He works abroad on oil rigs and justifies this not to spend time with her. He’s gone abroad to work when kids were both weeks old despite offered work where he could be at home.

Now by pure chance one of our mitral friends found out he is cheating again. When the baby was due and a new born.

She’s now so conflicted if she should say something or not. I think she’s just so sad at the timing of the affair and who it’s with. She’s someone he’s denied being involved with.

I feel conflicted as I’ve only seen her proof and I don’t want to make her sadder. She’s seriously struggling with this baby as she’s not as easy as the first one. She’s not even able to stay at her own home all the time and often at her mums.

I really think his timing is tit. Also my friend tried to talk to the other girl and give her a heads up. She is lovely as well and being played a fool. He told her they were separated and my friend didn’t outright confront this girl but was more like “ooh there are so many new babies at the moment X’s wife just had a girl!” She said the girl went pale and was like “aw no that’s her sisters baby. He’s split up with her!”

I have said to my friend I’m not really sure on what to do. My friend wants to tell her anonymously which I think is a bit weird. Don’t even know how that would work x

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m normally very much on board with telling people that their partners are cheating but sounds like she already knows he does this and has chosen to stay, and with her having a hard time with the baby, might react badly to you telling her. I’d leave it, let the others tell her if they want but I’m sure she’ll clock on anyway if she’s stayed with him, I wouldn’t get involved here.

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

I’m normally very much on board with telling people that their partners are cheating but sounds like she already knows he does this and has chosen to stay, and with her having a hard time with the baby, might react badly to you telling her. I’d leave it, let the others tell her if they want but I’m sure she’ll clock on anyway if she’s stayed with him, I wouldn’t get involved here.

Thank you! You’ve said exactly what I’ve tried to articulate. I feel the timing would be wrong and she knows but chooses to stay.

I worry about her because she really wants people to think he’s changed.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

She could divorce him on the grounds of his adultery and get a food Chuck of money/house for herself. She doesn’t need to stay with him.

 

[Justwishfulthinking]

She could divorce him on the grounds of his adultery and get a food Chuck of money/house for herself. She doesn’t need to stay with him.

I don’t even think so you have to give a reason. It’s actually really sad. It’s sad for the kids as well x

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I don’t even think so you have to give a reason. It’s actually really sad. It’s sad for the kids as well x

If she’s your friend and you know he’s cheating on her yet again you should tell her. Also talk to her about the whole situation.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

I would struggle not to say something if im honest.

The timing isnt the big issue - its that hes repeatedly cheating on her, and she is accepting it

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I think some people just want to save face. They don’t want to admit their partner is a cheat and get a divorce because that would mean admitting that their amazing relationship is all fake. Some people have too much pride to do it.

Someone I know is similar, married, but no kids and been together since school. He’s constantly cheating and having full on affairs. She knows and she stays. It’s so sad.