Food & Drink #10

[Shesaidwhat?]

The following conversation has just taken place between me & my husband (he wasn’t pleased I woke him up).
Me: Have you ever eaten anything out of somebody when you’ve been having sex with them?
Husband: What do you mean eaten anything out of somebody?
Me: Well like a chocolate bar or something you know like Danielle Lloyd.
Husband: Have you literally just woken me up to ask that?
Me: Yeah answer then
Husband: You’ve lost the actual plot no I fucking haven’t & I’m not going to either before you ask. Why who’s done that?
Me: No one just something we got chatting about on Tattle.
Husband: Eh? I thought you talked about her what sued thingy and her that talks to her fucking dishcloths (he means Mrs Hinch).
He’s told me to stop being a dickhead and gone back to sleep now.

 

[LavaFlake]

Echoing above. It fries my head that as a general population, we don't expect and demand more from our governemnts. Everyone deserves to live comfortably. Everyone deserves worker's rights. No children deserve to go hungry. We don't deserve to have a pension age of what will probably be 75 or 80, if anything! All the while, huge cashpots are being siphoned off to c suit staff hoarding profits or Boris' friends through govt contracts. There is a race to the bottom by so many. When a unionised group of workers dares to strike, they get lambasted by all. It sickens me to the core. We are a nation of bootlickers!

My appointment went well. The GP took me really seriously and did a thorough check. They said it was 95% likely nothing untoward and probably just my changing breast shape as I'm getting older (that'll learn me for saying I have reasonably perky tits on the MT the other day!) but for peace of mind they're also referring me to the breast clinic for a scan which will be 2-4 weeks even with COVID. So probably the best possible outcome all around

 

[Sausage Grand Station]

Wow it’s been a while, I obviously haven’t caught up but just wanted to let @SoulRebel know I’m absolutely fine, myself and the mini chipolata are very well. Mr sausage on the other hand has been very, very unwell in hospital and I have been focusing all my energy on him. He’s doing much better now and hopefully I shall have him home soon .
I have lots to catch up on I see, so some epic grunkaing is needed

 

[crystaleyesd]

I'm starting up the couch to 5k after injuring my hamstring at the start of lockdown. I'm actually enjoying being gently coached through by Sanjeev Kohli (and makes me think of @People-huv-tae-know every time ). Hoping the gradual pace won't lead me to another injury cos yes, am embarrassingly unfit now!!

I watched The Social Dilemma (about the addictive and dangerous qualities of social media) last night and it made me think about here. Tattle kinda seems to me a throwback to the early days of the internet - it's just a forum where real people chat and genuinely form online relationships (barring Vlad's constant ad-bombing). I think this is why we've all formed such a bond - social media (of the FB and twitter variety) is actually incredibly alienating, with constant one-up-ing, FOMO, unrealistic standards of pretty much everything. Here, we don't really know anything about each other's lives (although I live for the little pearls of intel), we're all basically on the same level footing (our hatred of JM), and the support and laughter is incredibly uplifting. I think @heretoreaditall2019 said that it's like having the girls round. This is surely the best of what social media can offer.

Contrast with how Jack uses social media, with her endless lies, attention seeking and sad-fishing. She is truly trapped in the web of what the documentary was warning us about - constant tiny little bursts of dopamine that are empty and unfulfilling, her concentration is totally shot, she can't exist without documenting everything for likes and acknowledgement. I bet her targeted ads work a treat too. She'll be browsing Hansard, eyes getting heavy, desperate to go and check Tattle for the 374th time that day, and she'll come face to face with a Cotswold Co ad showing their new range of bespoke sideboards. She's impulsive, terrible with money, and a voracious consumer - before she knows it she's down another grand and waiting at the door for that tiny moment of hollow happiness and trying to figure out where the fuck she can put it in her (not) shitty (not) bungalow.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Evening fraus. Survived. Here's a play by play of the evening.

"I've never cooked Thai food before"

*boils veg to a mush*

*pours half a jar of garlic powder in*

*squirts ten packets of takeaway soy sauce in*

*adds half a jar of peanut butter*

THAI FOOD (apparently):

*goes to bed at half nine leaving me to hang out downstairs for half an hour before my train *

(not trying to diminish the important chat above, rather that fraus might like a bit of light relief!)

 

[colouredlines]

That feeling when you have loads of MT pages to catch up on, and you're so excited that R Jackie has done something mental...then gradually you realise...



But how can I be racist when my CATS are black?!

 

[GrunkaLunka]

That feeling when you have loads of MT pages to catch up on, and you're so excited that R Jackie has done something mental...then gradually you realise...



But how can I be racist when my CATS are black?!

You owe that ham an apology, her old boy is also black. And her neighbours. They even seem nice too.



Editing because I'm scared someone who wasn't around for all of this won't understand and will think I actually am racist.
I'm not, and I don't need to hold up any friends or loved ones to prove it.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

Sending love to everyone needing it

The OH just got his redundancy offer and its insulting. Shambles of a company. Things are looking really stressful

 

[crystaleyesd]

My bestie is an A&E doctor and has STORIES about the things people stick up their bums. A particular favourite is the guy who stuck two miniature toy soldiers up there. Not sure if he sent the second one in to retrieve the first one orrrrrrr...

 

[LavaFlake]

When you can get discount on HelloFresh I think they're well worth the money! I do hate all the recycling waste they come with though...

Spoiler: Cancer worries

I'm very anxious as I've got a phone call consultation with my GP about an ident on one of my breasts tomorrow. Noticed it about a month ago and thought I should wait a full menstrual cycle before booking something in becauee my boobs defo change in shape and size throughout that but having done a load of googling after organising the call I realise I should have maybe booked an appointment right away! Although I do find if you don't have persistent symptoms they can be dismissive. I think I'm particularly anxious because I had a misdiagnosed ovarian cyst a few years ago which ended up growing to 15cm and required surgery to remove it. But not before two GPs told me it was just IBS over the course of a year. I just hate it when GPs are dismissive over this stuff, as they were with me before. Sorry if this is a mood downer but needed to collect my thoughts somewhere. Hopefully it's just nothing but we shall see.

Eta: Glad to hear from you @Sausage Grand Station ! And that your OH is on the mend xxx

 

[colouredlines]

When I was a teenager I accidentally learned what figging was (god bless the internet).

It seems that in Victorian times some cruel bastards used to carve butt plugs from root ginger and shove them up a horse's backside to make it run faster.

Eventually an adventurous sort decided it might be a bit of a lark to try it himself, and a very weird sexual practice was born.

(Not to kinkshame any keen figgers among us...actually fuck it, if you're shoving ginger up your arse you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. There are so many better uses for it - not peach and chickpea curry, mind.)

ETA: ah balls, everyone's moved on to wholesome tins of fruit & I'm left blathering on about ginger up the bum

 

[kachoochoo]

hello, I just wanted to show you all my new slippers cos I'm inordinately pleased with them. from Morrisons. so soft and fluffy.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I’ve never thought to put a bit of food anywhere, sometimes a bit falls down my boobs but that’s as far as I’ve got this is like brand new info

 

[colouredlines]

Popping in here (I have been shit at keeping up with this thread, got sucked into the whole mad life coach rabbithole which is pure madness.

Anyway, I thought you guys might appreciate this anecdote: 🔺️ my mother makes quilts 🔺️ This is quite a solitary hobby, so one day many years ago she signed up for a workshop. She came home very upset because the other quilters were so aggressively boring.

Her example of this dullness? At one point the woman next to her turned to her and tried to spark conversation by asking, "How do you arrange your cutlery drawer?" This led to a very lively discussion about the correct knife/fork/spoon order, while my mother sat in dispirited silence, wondering: if quilters were such boring people, was she also a secret dullard?

PS I know where we stand on cheap wet ham. But is conspicuously expensive ham any better? They salt it with tears, you know...

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Fraus i will read everything tomorrow as i am literally off my tits right now and seeing double! They gave me codeine as i came on my period about an hour before my appointment so I rang up and asked if i still could have it, i had the colposcopy, a biopsy and they removed my coil so I am feeling like I've had 2 bottles of wine now will get the results in about 4 weeks but tbh I couldn't care less atm and have just made mr Cow mad by trying to put the greatest showman on on full volume whilst he is trying to work so have been banished to the bedroom. Thank you all again for all the good wishes and advice! Xx

 

[Bookweevil]

It reminds me of when kids get taken to hospital with a marble up their nose. I guess some people just can't resist trying these things.

Very true. A friend of mine is a surgeon and for a while he did a stint of what we all called Bumhole Surgery, but I’m sure it has a proper name. Some people stick anything and everything up there out of curiosity. There was one bloke who was a regular and came in most weekends, bold as brass about it - hi guys, it’s me, I’m back and this time it’s....my bedside light!

 

[veryfondoftea]

I know it’s awful but I find it really boring reading about everybody’s furniture and where they bought their cutlery it’s yawntastic

Ive just deleted the photo journal I created of my cutlery drawers for all of you

 

[Nottonightbabe]

It's my wedding anniversary today, so this morning I'm popping to the local seafood stall to grab some goodies for lunch (my lunch mind, Mr Nottonight won't eat it!). Then later we are having the evening at home and eating 'trashy' food, BBQ ribs, chicken wings, pizza etc. Mr Nottonight is making me crispy pancakes (like the retro findus ones) from scratch too, as they are my trashy guilty pleasure

Wake time is usually around 7 for me with the little ones, I'm often up late at night due to insomnia phases
Does mean I catch the late night chaoses though!

 

[Alansbigplate]

I think you’ll find it’s called SUPPER

Sorry I didn’t go to choir school and my furniture is not ethnic I’m a northern scumbag and it’s me tea

 

[crystaleyesd]

God tier chocolate bars - Twirl, Flake, Spira (sadly deceased), Timeout. All of these have superior mouthfeel.

Boosts are better than Double Deckers.

Get in the bin - Anything with too much caramel or nuts. I do like Toffee Crisps. There's too much going on in a Lion Bar. Crunchies can get to fuck (also can't stomach them ever since my pal told us her boyfriend ate one from a very different sort of wrapper ).