Feeling lost in your 20’s

[BettyCrockerr]

I’m hoping I’m not alone in this, I’m 23, I know I’m still ‘young’ but the pressure of society’s expectations are really getting to me. I find your 20’s such strange age. Some friends are still care free partying every weekend, some have kids, some living with parents, some buying houses, some single, some engaged, some climbing their way up in their dream jobs and some still at uni!
I’ve literally this week just finished my degree so now I’m in the big wide world and it’s so overwhelming. I just want to find a job I enjoy (with not s*** pay), buy a house and find someone to be in my life. It sounds so simple and other people make it look so simple but the reality is so much harder and overwhelming

I think most people feel like this at your age. My advice would be to not try to plan everything or put expectations in your life. Just try to enjoy it - you are very young, so don’t focus on “buying a house/finding a partner” - it’s too much pressure. You’ve literally just got your degree - so now if the time to enjoy yourself. Go out and enjoy the world, travel, do lots of different jobs, meet lots of new people, experience life. And as you do so, you will naturally find a path and things in time will start to fall into place. Above all else, enjoy and appreciate life and just be happy. That is the most important thing; not ticking off boxes on some imaginary list.

 

[btw]

I’m hoping I’m not alone in this, I’m 23, I know I’m still ‘young’ but the pressure of society’s expectations are really getting to me. I find your 20’s such strange age. Some friends are still care free partying every weekend, some have kids, some living with parents, some buying houses, some single, some engaged, some climbing their way up in their dream jobs and some still at uni!
I’ve literally this week just finished my degree so now I’m in the big wide world and it’s so overwhelming. I just want to find a job I enjoy (with not s*** pay), buy a house and find someone to be in my life. It sounds so simple and other people make it look so simple but the reality is so much harder and overwhelming

 

[AFlyOnYourWall]

Everyone else my age seems to be getting engaged or married, having kids, buying a house, excelling in their career and getting promotions, buying a dog etc… meanwhile I’m looking for the yellow reduced stickers in Tesco and still can’t parallel park

 

[WilmaHun]

I can really relate to this feeling, I feel it everyday. Even though I own my home, am in a long term relationship and have a dog I still feel like I’m not where I’m supposed to be. There’s always someone who has more than me or someone to compare myself to. It’s really hard.

this post circulated on my Facebook feed and I saved it on my phone and read it all the time when I’m feeling down to give myself a reminder that I’m right where I am supposed to be

 

[AFlyOnYourWall]

At what age do you figure out what you want to be when you grow up

 

[btw]

Thanks everyone! It’s nice to know it’s normal and I’m not alone. I probably should of mentioned I actually am a mum to a 6 year old. So I suppose the pressures are slightly higher for me as I don’t have the option to ‘travel and explore myself’ and there’s more of reason why I put pressure on myself to have my life and future together. I’m super proud of myself for getting my degree whilst being a teen mum but now uni is done, I’m finding it hard to stop comparing my life to others in their 20’s! I’m sure it will all work out some way or another

 

[ShadesMint]

I'm 28 and can confirm it doesn't get any less confusing/unsettling! But as people have said here, everything will sort of slot into place and work it's way out naturally!

 

[Hurrah54]

Hello! I'm in my late 20s and I can wholeheartedly say it's been absolutely chaotic and not what I 'expected'. I've felt very unsettled for most of it.
I completely agree with what you're saying. It's hard to maintain friendships or find new ones, and suddenly everyone is going at a different pace.

Maybe I was unlucky but I would say that you might have to prepare for shit pay to start with even if you've got a good degree. It's good to get a feel for different working environments and see what you do and don't like. You might progress quickly and not be on low pay for too long.

I'd personally say don't worry about societal norms and the pressure of buying a house soon/finding your 'dream' job straight away and relationship.
I don't know your background of course but if you've just finished uni I say you deserve a bit of fun outside of the education system and please don't stress about the small stuff!

 

[judgejohndeed]

but the pressure of society’s expectations are really getting to me. I find your 20’s such strange age. Some friends are still care free partying every weekend, some have kids, some living with parents, some buying houses, some single, some engaged, some climbing their way up in their dream jobs and some still at uni!

What you should take from this is there's no right thing to do and everyone is different. Whatever you choose to do right now, someone will tell you it's wrong. For example, I've never been interested in travelling or kids - so I did a few more degrees in my 20s and have set up my career. I've lost count of the number of people who say I 'should've' gone travelling and 'all young people should experience it', or I will 'regret' not having kids in my 20s. You will know in your gut what kind of aspect of your life you want to focus on right here right now, and you have to ignore people telling you to do otherwise because there honestly will always be SOMEONE who disagrees and thinks you should do what they did (whether that's focusing on kids/buying a property/setting up a career/whatever).

The important thing to know is that at your age there are very few 'mistakes' that can't be remedied later down the line, so you don't need to worry massively about making the wrong choices - this really tore me up in my early 20s. Whether it's starting one career and changing later (which is what I did), spending too long in the wrong relationship (guilty), buying a property in an area you don't like, whatever - within reason there's very few things you can do right now that would actually permanently affect your life negatively. I would say try to avoid debt and save if you can but other than that just go with what feels like is right for you now and worry about the other aspects later.

 

[skintsocks]

I felt all these pressures, and I gave in to them, ended up in a job I hated, didn't travel, and got married because that was what I was expected to do. I can tell you now that I wish I hadn't. I wish every day that I'd had the confidence to go and do what I wanted to do, My son is about to graduate, and my advice to him and to my daughter who is also at Uni has been so different to the things that were said to me. Don't look at what others are doing. Think about what you want. You've just studied so hard. Do you want to travel? Do you want to take a temporary contract somewhere? What do YOU want? This is your time. You will never get this time back. You don't have to follow other people and you don't have to do what others tell you to do. There is so much time to get a permanent job, get a place, get a partner. You have so much time. Go and have fun.

 

[candyland_]

Enjoy your 20s and don’t worry about it. I’m in my 30s and still haven’t figured it out.

 

[skintsocks]

Thanks everyone! It’s nice to know it’s normal and I’m not alone. I probably should of mentioned I actually am a mum to a 6 year old. So I suppose the pressures are slightly higher for me as I don’t have the option to ‘travel and explore myself’ and there’s more of reason why I put pressure on myself to have my life and future together. I’m super proud of myself for getting my degree whilst being a teen mum but now uni is done, I’m finding it hard to stop comparing my life to others in their 20’s! I’m sure it will all work out some way or another

So maybe you can't travel, but you can still be you, be mum, and still have fun. If you can afford it, make plans for each school holiday. You do not have to fit anybody else's plan. Don't let anyone put you down.

 

[Clickbait]

I’m hoping I’m not alone in this, I’m 23, I know I’m still ‘young’ but the pressure of society’s expectations are really getting to me. I find your 20’s such strange age. Some friends are still care free partying every weekend, some have kids, some living with parents, some buying houses, some single, some engaged, some climbing their way up in their dream jobs and some still at uni!
I’ve literally this week just finished my degree so now I’m in the big wide world and it’s so overwhelming. I just want to find a job I enjoy (with not s*** pay), buy a house and find someone to be in my life. It sounds so simple and other people make it look so simple but the reality is so much harder and overwhelming

What do you imagine society’s expectations are of you? I’m not sure society expects that much of someone in their early 20s. It could be the pressure is something you’re putting on yourself.

Try not to look at everything to you want to achieve at once - that will definitely overwhelm you - instead set smaller goals. You’ll need the job and savings before the house so looking at your career path could be a good place to start.

Also, and I don’t mean to be patronising when I say this, but as you get older you realise the futility of expecting you can shape your life into hitting certain markers because it just doesn’t work that way. Hard work helps but sometimes things just boil down to luck.

Don’t be in a hurry to throw away some of the carefreeness you have in your youth. You’ll miss it when it’s gone.

 

[Youre a wizard Harry]

I’ve just turned 30 and I found my twenties to be like this too (at least until I turned 27/28). I felt like everyone was judging me - for moving back to my home town after uni, for not going travelling but not saving money, for not having a dream career, for getting married before buying a house- and now I realise nobody (or at least very few people!) were. You’ll probably find most people your age feel the same but nobody will talk about it.

Don’t feel pressured into doing anything- you have so many doors open to you now. Now is the time to try different jobs, find what you like and don’t feel pressured into being in a relationship because some people tell you to settle down. So much will change in your twenties and that’s ok!

 

[PineappleTopper]

You can tick all of the boxes and youll still feel you need more.because society pushes us to. Unhappiness fuels spending.

I would only add to what the folks have said before and say that your 20s should be a time for making memories and makimg mistakes. You still have your 30s to sort things out and get yourself to where you want to be.

Your 20s are about having fun. It might seem that everyone is in a rush to get their lives together and be seen as a success. id say this only intensifies in your 30s. People start to drift apart as their lives diverge so much more.

Enjoy your 20s and dont let the expectation of others push you. You are only in competition with yourself at the end of the day. X

 

[Kim Mild]

At what age do you figure out what you want to be when you grow up

When you are elderly and get a feeling of regret.

 

[candyland_]

I know the feeling so much. I'm 22 soon and this week should have been my graduation. It's so tough seeing everyone graduate and thinking that I should be doing the same.

I started uni straight after I left school 4 years ago but I dropped out due to mental health problems. I'm now only going back to college to do an HND in September. I am four years behind everyone my age. I feel like I've wasted time and that I really should have finished with my studies, let alone just be starting them.

It's tough because everyone I went to school with seems so further ahead with their lives than I am. They're graduating, getting well paid jobs, getting their own flats and pets with partners and travelling all over the world. I'm here, biding my time working in a call centre until I start college.

I feel like I've missed the boat for everything. I've done everything the wrong way around. I've never had a relationship. I won't graduate from my Bachelor's until I'm almost 26.
I never had the chance to travel because I've held down a full time job and covid got in the way too. I won't be able to move out because I'll be a full time student and only have part time wages and my bursary coming through. I need to watch my spending because I'm taking a pretty substantial drop in income so I just can't have all these experiences.

I just feel like I've got it all wrong.

22 is ridiculously young still. I wouldn’t worry about it.

 

[Princess of Scots]

I know the feeling so much. I'm 22 soon and this week should have been my graduation. It's so tough seeing everyone graduate and thinking that I should be doing the same.

I started uni straight after I left school 4 years ago but I dropped out due to mental health problems. I'm now only going back to college to do an HND in September. I am four years behind everyone my age. I feel like I've wasted time and that I really should have finished with my studies, let alone just be starting them.

It's tough because everyone I went to school with seems so further ahead with their lives than I am. They're graduating, getting well paid jobs, getting their own flats and pets with partners and travelling all over the world. I'm here, biding my time working in a call centre until I start college.

I feel like I've missed the boat for everything. I've done everything the wrong way around. I've never had a relationship. I won't graduate from my Bachelor's until I'm almost 26.
I never had the chance to travel because I've held down a full time job and covid got in the way too. I won't be able to move out because I'll be a full time student and only have part time wages and my bursary coming through. I need to watch my spending because I'm taking a pretty substantial drop in income so I just can't have all these experiences.

I just feel like I've got it all wrong.

 

[btw]

I know the feeling so much. I'm 22 soon and this week should have been my graduation. It's so tough seeing everyone graduate and thinking that I should be doing the same.

I started uni straight after I left school 4 years ago but I dropped out due to mental health problems. I'm now only going back to college to do an HND in September. I am four years behind everyone my age. I feel like I've wasted time and that I really should have finished with my studies, let alone just be starting them.

It's tough because everyone I went to school with seems so further ahead with their lives than I am. They're graduating, getting well paid jobs, getting their own flats and pets with partners and travelling all over the world. I'm here, biding my time working in a call centre until I start college.

I feel like I've missed the boat for everything. I've done everything the wrong way around. I've never had a relationship. I won't graduate from my Bachelor's until I'm almost 26.
I never had the chance to travel because I've held down a full time job and covid got in the way too. I won't be able to move out because I'll be a full time student and only have part time wages and my bursary coming through. I need to watch my spending because I'm taking a pretty substantial drop in income so I just can't have all these experiences.

I just feel like I've got it all wrong.

I feel you, I really do! Lots of people say your still young and we know in the grand scheme of life we are still very young. But it doesn’t stop you from feeling so out of place! I think your 20’s are just a tricky age as everyone is at different paces in life and it’s so hard to not compare yourself to others. Since creating this thread, nothing for me has improved. I’m still job searching, still living at home and still single. It’s hard to remain positive and optimistic but I promise you it will all fall into place one day! It hasn’t happened for me yet , but it will one day!
I try to think that everything happens for a reason. Maybe the reason you will be graduating ‘later’ then others is because at the time when others were at university, you were dealing with other things in your life or figuring out what you wanted to do! But ultimately that time wasn’t wasted because it lead you to make the decision to return to education! At the time things might not make sense but one day we’ll look back and realise it does work out. Sending love to you because I know how isolating and lonely it can be! X

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Thanks everyone! It’s nice to know it’s normal and I’m not alone. I probably should of mentioned I actually am a mum to a 6 year old. So I suppose the pressures are slightly higher for me as I don’t have the option to ‘travel and explore myself’ and there’s more of reason why I put pressure on myself to have my life and future together. I’m super proud of myself for getting my degree whilst being a teen mum but now uni is done, I’m finding it hard to stop comparing my life to others in their 20’s! I’m sure it will all work out some way or another

I was in a similar situation to you. Teenage single mum who went back into education in my twenties and got my degrees. However because I already had a child and a house I think I rushed at the settling down bit and ended up married with one more child and a third on the way by the time I graduated at 26.

Whilst I don't regret any of it as such I do wonder what on earth I thought the rush was. I wish I'd allowed myself the time to get to know 'me' properly rather than being focused on ticking off the milestones I'd set myself.

Life progression isn't always linear either. I didn't work in the field my qualifications are in until relatively recently so don't stress about needing to nail down your dream job immediately, it is something that can happen at any point in your life.

Mainly my advice would be to take things at a pace you are content with. It's your life to live as you wish, don't let external pressures, be that from friends and family or society in general, influence the choices you make.