Ex moved on fast

SloaneRanger · Dec 23, 2023

Just some advice as I’m struggling to get my thoughts in order over this.
Ex husband left 2 years ago, out the blue no discussion. We have 2 children. It blindsided me. We are not yet divorced but he is seeing someone new and they have just announced she is pregnant. Am I right to feel furious? Upset?

Megansnarkle · Dec 23, 2023

SloaneRanger said:
Just some advice as I’m struggling to get my thoughts in order over this.
Ex husband left 2 years ago, out the blue no discussion. We have 2 children. It blindsided me. We are not yet divorced but he is seeing someone new and they have just announced she is pregnant. Am I right to feel furious? Upset?

Yes and no. Naturally you will have feelings as you see an ex move on, particularly as you have continued ties through the kids, but ultimately you aren't together anymore and haven't been for two years, so he's not really doing anything wrong. The best thing you can do is to remain unmoved about it when dealing with him for the sake of the kids.

Blessed · Dec 24, 2023

It is painful seeing an ex move on especially if you still have feelings for them or you haven't received closure seeing as he left out of the blue and you're still married. I don't know your situation or if your children are older but it's time (if you haven't) to put yourself first, go out and date if you want to, try new things, go to new places, find yourself again, start afresh.
I pray you find peace and strength as this will be difficult for you. How do your children feel about having another sibling?
Do you have family/friends you can talk to?

FlipFlop0706 · Dec 27, 2023

It’s been two years so sorry if this sounds harsh but I think that’s long enough personally but I understand why it hurts as technically you are not divorced.

You haven’t got that clear line of this marriage/relationship is over. Plus you haven’t got an explanation from him as to why he wanted to leave- as you say it blindsided you.

Do you think you would have been this upset if you had been divorced?

Jdottt13 · Jan 1, 2024

Could’ve written this myself! My ex left me for someone else 2 years ago and they’ve recently announced their having a baby. (We have 2 children together also). It completely crushed me when I heard the news and I couldn’t really put my finger on why. It was like I wanted to be happy for him but I was so sad for myself because I wish I was settling down having more children but that hasn’t been the case for me. Also knowing that the baby will be a part of my children's life as their sibling , it feels like a big deal. It did make me realise I do still love him despite what he did and how much of a dark place i ended up in post break up (& still now 2 years later). But I think when you have had children with someone it’s always going to be hard. I instantly thought back to when we had our children and what an exciting and happy time it was , and knowing he’s now going to be doing that with someone else, I’d say it’s normal for it to sting. Just because it’s been 2 years doesn’t mean u should be over it, heartbreak has no time limit - I wish it did it’s the worst feeling ever!! But I will say, that today when I saw him (as he comes and sees our children every week) we did speak about it and I asked the usual questions of when is baby due etc and idk just talking about it made me sort of process it all in my head a bit more and I’m hoping in time it will get easier xx

SloaneRanger · Jan 9, 2024

Jdottt13 said:
Could’ve written this myself! My ex left me for someone else 2 years ago and they’ve recently announced their having a baby. (We have 2 children together also). It completely crushed me when I heard the news and I couldn’t really put my finger on why. It was like I wanted to be happy for him but I was so sad for myself because I wish I was settling down having more children but that hasn’t been the case for me. Also knowing that the baby will be a part of my children's life as their sibling , it feels like a big deal. It did make me realise I do still love him despite what he did and how much of a dark place i ended up in post break up (& still now 2 years later). But I think when you have had children with someone it’s always going to be hard. I instantly thought back to when we had our children and what an exciting and happy time it was , and knowing he’s now going to be doing that with someone else, I’d say it’s normal for it to sting. Just because it’s been 2 years doesn’t mean u should be over it, heartbreak has no time limit - I wish it did it’s the worst feeling ever!! But I will say, that today when I saw him (as he comes and sees our children every week) we did speak about it and I asked the usual questions of when is baby due etc and idk just talking about it made me sort of process it all in my head a bit more and I’m hoping in time it will get easier xx

Thank you so much, this is exactly how I feel. We also have 2 children together. I feel like I don’t necessarily still love him but it’s the thought of him building this whole new family with this other woman and my kids being involved while I’m here on my own. Like how did he find it so easy to move on like this so quickly? Did I mean nothing to him? Or our relationship? We were together 16 years. Also, the thought of my kids having sibling with another woman is a weird thought for me.
also, what is this woman thinking? My ex is doesn’t have a house he is still sleeping at his mums and we are not even divorced yet. What woman in her right mind would think getting pregnant to a guy in those circumstances a good idea?!

Jdottt13 · Jan 10, 2024

SloaneRanger said:
Thank you so much, this is exactly how I feel. We also have 2 children together. I feel like I don’t necessarily still love him but it’s the thought of him building this whole new family with this other woman and my kids being involved while I’m here on my own. Like how did he find it so easy to move on like this so quickly? Did I mean nothing to him? Or our relationship? We were together 16 years. Also, the thought of my kids having sibling with another woman is a weird thought for me.
also, what is this woman thinking? My ex is doesn’t have a house he is still sleeping at his mums and we are not even divorced yet. What woman in her right mind would think getting pregnant to a guy in those circumstances a good idea?!

Yep I have exactly the same thoughts and questions about it as you have. It is hard to get your head around! It baffles me how someone can move on so quickly. He cheated on me with her, we broke up the next day when he came clean, and then once me and the children moved out of our home she moved straight in with him

how she can trust him I don’t know!! I’m just finding the last 2 years hard to process (am awaiting therapy which I’m hoping will be a huge help for me to heal from everything) I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, as I know exactly how you feel

and the fact you’re not even divorced yet! I just keep telling myself that the grass is never greener (my ex has already admitted that lol) and that my happy ever after is out there somewhere 🥹 let’s hope this year is a positive one for us x