eating issues *trigger warning*

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

Hey

Just looking for some advice if anyone else feels like this & got over it, constantly thinking about food. A couple months ago I was eating way too much and comfort eating but lately I've done a 180 and struggling to eat without feeling guilty or thinking about calories.

Yesterday I went for my birthday meal to a buffet, and for the two weeks before I kept wanting to cancel it because I didn't think I'd be able to control myself and eat too much but at the same time I know my friends were looking forward to it so I didn't. Anyway ate so much but didn't eat for the next 24 hours after to make up for it. I have this fasting app so tracked it. One of my friends made me a cake and it was a surprise and when they brought it out I just felt like I could start crying because I'm seeing my family tomorrow, my niece is baking a cake and the fact I'll have to have two bits of cake in a week now is stressing me out. My friend gave me some to take back home with me and I binned it before I got on the bus because I knew id eat it all if i took it home. I have an outfit I want to wear on Christmas and it's really tight and every morning I put it on too motivate myself to not eat too much so I can wear it.

I watch so much what I eat in a days, constantly thinking should I be gluten free, vegan etc and wanting to copy certain youtubers diets that I think have a good body. Looking at celebs or influencers who have lost lots of weights before and after photos everyday.

I'm in a group chat and we all post our weight everyday, photo what we eat, how many calories, say if we've done any fasting and what exercise we did. I know i should probably leave but I feel like I can't

Its just getting to the point I don't know how to get food out my mind all day. Sorry this is such a long post x

 

[Be More Pacific]

Firstly, that group chat does not sound healthy in any way shape or form.

I am in no way a professional, just someone who has struggled with my weight my whole life* but it definitely sounds to me like you are in the grip of an eating disorder and it's pretty serious. It is not normal to be obsessing (that's absolutely the word I would use) about weight and food as much as you are and, deep down, you must know this because you're here writing a post about it.

Please, please seek help through your GP or give these people a call as your first step - their website is really useful too

Helplines - Beat

Beat provides Helplines offering support and information about eating disorders no matter where you are in your journey.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

* compulsive overeating and binging. I am 'in recovery' although not through any professional intervention - basically, I got severely depressed, completely lost interest in food and haven't binged now for about three or four years. I am finally eating like a normal person, trying to eat heathily and have lost over four stone although progress is slow due to chronic illness/disability.

 

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

Firstly, that group chat does not sound healthy in any way shape or form.

I am in no way a professional, just someone who has struggled with my weight my whole life (compulsive overeating and binging and I am in recovery although not through professional intervention - basically, I got severely depressed, lost interest in food and haven't binged now for about three or four years) but it definitely sounds to me like you are in the grip of an eating disorder and it's pretty serious. It is not normal to be obsessing (that's absolutely the word I would use) about weight and food as much as you are and, deep down, you must know this because you're here writing a post about it.

Please, please seek help through your GP or give these people a call as your first step - their website is really useful too

Helplines - Beat

Beat provides Helplines offering support and information about eating disorders no matter where you are in your journey.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk

Awh sorry you've struggled with it too. Yeah I know it's not normal, I don't want to be like this either and I keep trying to stop thinking about it but I can't. One of my friends told me to stop talking about diets cos it was annoying her and I can't blame her, we were in tescos getting a meal deal and I got veggie sushi that I hadn't tried before, just so I know I could eat a teeny bit and say I didn't like it and throw it away without her saying anything. I don't know I just feel like I'm not that bad to speak to a doctor? Thank you for replying xx

 

[Be More Pacific]

Awh sorry you've struggled with it too. Yeah I know it's not normal, I don't want to be like this either and I keep trying to stop thinking about it but I can't. One of my friends told me to stop talking about diets cos it was annoying her and I can't blame her, we were in tescos getting a meal deal and I got veggie sushi that I hadn't tried before, just so I know I could eat a teeny bit and say I didn't like it and throw it away without her saying anything. I don't know I just feel like I'm not that bad to speak to a doctor? Thank you for replying xx

I think you should have a look at the Beat website and, in particular, the 'types of eating disorder' section. Be completely honest with yourself, as you have been here, and see how many "signs" you fit. I think you'll be surprised. If you have tried by yourself to stop, but can't, and this is clearly ruling (and ruining) your life then it's time to seek help.

Wishing you all the best xx

 

[cedarpeach]

Yes, I understand. I have had eating issues for years. I grew up poor and often went without food. I'd then binge when food was available. My mom was also a terrible binge eater, so I was raised with a very dysfunctional attitude to food and weight.

I developed an eating disorder when I was in my late teens, which was diagnosed as bulimia. I was recommended to visit the eating disorder unit but I never attended. Food/weight has ruled my life for years. The hardest part about food is that you can't just give it up as you might with alcohol or drugs because you need it to live. I often wish I could give it up and go 'cold turkey'. Trying to exercise moderation every day rules my life.

You do sound as though you have disordered eating, especially with how much of your mental energy is spent thinking about food and weight. I would definitely ditch the whatsapp group chat, that sounds horrific. I echo the advice of the other posters - seek help. Good luck!

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

Just posting as I saw you mention going gluten free. I am coeliac so been gf for 18 years now and I gluten free products contain more sugars etc than none gf products so I wouldn't go down that route (not saying you need to eat less sugar etc but it might make you struggle more). Take each day as it comes is all I can suggest xx

 

[mcfeez]

It's unlikely anyone on here will be able to offer anything other than comforting words as it does sound like you need proper medical help. First and foremost though I would remove myself from that group chat. It sounds incredibly toxic.

Just posting as I saw you mention going gluten free. I am coeliac so been gf for 18 years now and I gluten free products contain more sugars etc than none gf products so I wouldn't go down that route (not saying you need to eat less sugar etc but it might make you struggle more). Take each day as it comes is all I can suggest xx

There's this odd illusion lately in society that gluten free is somehow healthier too - when in fact, there is no need to do it at all unless you have coeliac disease.

As for veganism - it is really more a lifestyle choice, not a diet. A need to label your diet or you eat I would expect stems for your obsession with food and what you are eating. I'd never discourage anyone from making more plant based choices for their meals but focus on your own mental health first and improving your relationship with food.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Please go and see your GP as a matter of absolute urgency, this screams of an eating disorder and requires professional help. Remove yourself from the Facebook group/group chat immediately.
You need professional help, please go to your GP, phone them today, ask for an emergency appointment.
Good luck x

 

[svdwoodsen]

The ladies have offered amazing advice and I agree with all of it. I would just add that going forward, while it’s good to be aware of what you’re eating and roughly how many calories are in certain items (it’s pretty crazy how many calories are in a small box of cookies!), I wouldn’t get into the habit of measuring and writing down every single thing you eat consistently. I know a lot of weight loss programs suggest this as a way to keep track and adhere to a certain daily calorie allowance but over time, it’s very very difficult to do that and not have it turn into an obsession/eating disorder. It’s better to eat healthy (non processed and large range of fresh foods) 90% of the time and treat yourself for the rest in a mindful way (have 2-3 cookies instead of the whole box). This prevents binging and over time, it’ll become second nature and you still get to eat everything you’d like.

 

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

Thank you everyone I spoke to beat and they've said contact the doctor & speak to a family or friend about it. To look at things on there site and that I can email a volunteer to talk to if I want to sign up to that. It's so scary to phone docs because I feel like they are just going to tell me I'm not underweight and it's only been a couple months of feeling like this I'll probably just change back to how I was or whatever. I just wish I could just snap out of it myself. Thanks again though everyone really has helped xx

 

[svdwoodsen]

I don’t think you need to force yourself to go to a professional if you’re uncomfortable with it but it’ll help a lot to speak to someone you trust who won’t be judgmental and you can take small steps to change your current mindset. Obsessive calorie tracking is a slippery slope and it’s good that you recognize something is wrong. Hope it all goes well

 

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

I don’t think you need to force yourself to go to a professional if you’re uncomfortable with it but it’ll help a lot to speak to someone you trust who won’t be judgmental and you can take small steps to change your current mindset. Obsessive calorie tracking is a slippery slope and it’s good that you recognize something is wrong. Hope it all goes well

Thank you so much yeah i really don't want to live like this xx

 

[Be More Pacific]

Thank you everyone I spoke to beat and they've said contact the doctor & speak to a family or friend about it. To look at things on there site and that I can email a volunteer to talk to if I want to sign up to that. It's so scary to phone docs because I feel like they are just going to tell me I'm not underweight and it's only been a couple months of feeling like this I'll probably just change back to how I was or whatever. I just wish I could just snap out of it myself. Thanks again though everyone really has helped xx

Well done on calling them - that's a massive first step and honestly, even as a complete stranger, I'm really proud of you for doing that

As @svdwoodsen said, you don't have to rush into anything but I hope you know two things now - i) it is a problem but ii) you're not on your own as there are websites, helplines and people out there to help.

I think a chat with someone close that you trust would be a good start - maybe not the friend you went to Tesco with or anyone on that group chat! And please don't be scared about speaking to your doctors - I hope to God, in this day and age, that they would not try and fob you off or tell you that you're just being silly if you explain to them the thoughts you're having as you explained them to us. I would maybe try and see a female doctor if that's easier....? xx

 

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

Well done on calling them - that's a massive first step and honestly, even as a complete stranger, I'm really proud of you for doing that

As @svdwoodsen said, you don't have to rush into anything but I hope you know two things now - i) it is a problem but ii) you're not on your own as there are websites, helplines and people out there to help.

I think a chat with someone close that you trust would be a good start - maybe not the friend you went to Tesco with or anyone on that group chat! And please don't be scared about speaking to your doctors - I hope to God, in this day and age, that they would not try and fob you off or tell you that you're just being silly if you explain to them the thoughts you're having as you explained them to us. I would maybe try and see a female doctor if that's easier....? xx

Awh thank you bless, I will maybe try speaking to my sister it's hard though cos the kids are always around and she's really busy but might help. I feel a bit better since just writing on here about it and i left that group chat, one of them messaged me saying why did you leave but I haven't said anything back. Going to try and stop watching videos that make it worse too. I have been getting Asda deliveries and my one that's coming on Monday was mostly cleaning and toiletries, I only got a pack babybels, yoghurts and pepperami's to last me a week to have one of each of them a day but I've actually amended it and added some more food to it. It's just when I've went to them about my depression/anxiety I didn't really find it that helpful but yeah asking for a female doctor would probably make it easier so that's something to think about. x

 

[Be More Pacific]

Awh thank you bless, I will maybe try speaking to my sister it's hard though cos the kids are always around and she's really busy but might help. I feel a bit better since just writing on here about it and i left that group chat, one of them messaged me saying why did you leave but I haven't said anything back. Going to try and stop watching videos that make it worse too. I have been getting Asda deliveries and my one that's coming on Monday was mostly cleaning and toiletries, I only got a pack babybels, yoghurts and pepperami's to last me a week to have one of each of them a day but I've actually amended it and added some more food to it. It's just when I've went to them about my depression/anxiety I didn't really find it that helpful but yeah asking for a female doctor would probably make it easier so that's something to think about. x

So, that's three positive steps you've taken already - speaking to Beat, leaving the group chat and adding more food to your shopping order

Please definitely think about having a chat with your sister and/or a female doctor. Maybe you could try looking at some healthy meal ideas in the meantime. I meal plan every week, as I try and vary things so I don't get bored. At the moment, I'm trying to do one new thing every week - this week, it was chicken tikka burritos. When I feel up to it, I actually enjoy batch cooking healthy meals and then freezing portions for days when I have no energy.

I'm glad you're going to try and stop watching those videos. Remember, 90% of what you see on social media is fake. People don't look like that in reality - think Lauren Goodger's Instagram v her pap shots as a prime example! It's a very dangerous game.

Really wishing you all the best and we're always here if you want to chat about anything despite apparently being a bunch of vicious witches! xx

 

[Countrybumpkingirl]

To the OP, I think the fact you recognise your thoughts and realise it isn't right is a really positive step and keep holding on to that. Good luck you always have us here

 

[SkinnyTurkeyDinosaur]

So, that's three positive steps you've taken already - speaking to Beat, leaving the group chat and adding more food to your shopping order

Please definitely think about having a chat with your sister and/or a female doctor. Maybe you could try looking at some healthy meal ideas in the meantime. I meal plan every week, as I try and vary things so I don't get bored. At the moment, I'm trying to do one new thing every week - this week, it was chicken tikka burritos. When I feel up to it, I actually enjoy batch cooking healthy meals and then freezing portions for days when I have no energy.

I'm glad you're going to try and stop watching those videos. Remember, 90% of what you see on social media is fake. People don't look like that in reality - think Lauren Goodger's Instagram v her pap shots as a prime example! It's a very dangerous game.

Really wishing you all the best and we're always here if you want to chat about anything despite apparently being a bunch of vicious witches! xx

Another of the girls messaged me asking if they did anything wrong and i just said no I just don't think it's for me. There's a part of me that feels a bit like a quitter but at the same time I'm glad I haven't had to see it all today. Going to my sisters tomorrow so might speak to her about it if it feels alright, see how it goes and that's a good idea. I know I've unfollowed all the influencers that were affecting me, wishing I looked like them and pretty much my Instagram is mostly only people I know in real life now. Awh thanks, I know eh x