Does anyone else have a really shy child?

[LittleB]

I’m wondering if any parents out there are in/have been through the same situation.

My son is really shy and I’m starting to worry about him starting school in September. He currently attends preschool part time, but only ‘plays’ with the grown-ups there. He only interacts with other children if an adult is leading a group activity. He sits next to the other children at lunch time etc but doesn’t speak to them.

He is a real watcher, he tells me all about the other children when he comes home. He is very sensitive and says he doesn’t like when other children get told off.

He is happy to follow/spend time with the adults all day. If his favourite adult leaves the room, he quickly latches on to another adult. When he plays with toys, it is always independently.

I have taken him to other stay and play groups, I have noticed that if he is playing with a toy and another child approaches to try and join in, he gets up and walks away.

His preschool are brilliant and there are lots of members of staff there. I just worry that school is a different kettle of fish and I have visions of him standing alone in the playground and not joining in

Any advice appreciated!

 

[Mmsa]

It can help to have time with just one other child, so they're not competing for attention. Or to do an organised activity with someone else. Encourage taking turns by playing board games. Join things like scouts, to have friends outside school. There are lots of ways to encourage him. Mine was very shy and wouldn't speak to adults or children. Has lots of friends now a teenager. He'll get there. You might get some grey hairs in the process tho.

 

[Monkeymagic85]

My daughter was a bit like this at nursery, she wasn't necessarily really shy but she did like to stand back and observe.

She was also very happy to interact with the staff more than the other children. She was a bit funny about doing some activities too, she hated the rugby tots man and refused to even set foot in the garden. She also decided she was no longer going to the forest for walks .

She definitely changed just before she left to start school, she grew up and became like a mini boss.

She's 7 now, never shuts up and does loads of clubs and loads of friends.

I wouldn't worry too much, the suggestion of some one on one is a good idea. School will have all sorts of children coming in, some who have probably never even been looked after anyone other than family. There are usually staff at playtime that do games etc and will support and encourage him to mix.

 

[Telly Fanatic]

The teachers would never let him be on his own and if they notice a quieter kid they will make sure they get included and make them play together there is teaching assistants in the playgrounds ect at all times for this reason ect

He will never be left out .

 

[1001 others]

It can help to have time with just one other child, so they're not competing for attention. Or to do an organised activity with someone else. Encourage taking turns by playing board games. Join things like scouts, to have friends outside school. There are lots of ways to encourage him. Mine was very shy and wouldn't speak to adults or children. Has lots of friends now a teenager. He'll get there. You might get some grey hairs in the process tho.

I love this advice!

I was a very shy child and only came out of my shell when I clicked with another shy girl (who I'm still best friends with all these years later).

 

[Rlaw1978]

I was a very shy child and as adult I think it’s only got worse. Advice on this is tricky because I was made to go to groups like brownies and set up on ‘play dates’. With the best of intentions but this approach definitely contributed to the level of shyness I have now, made me feel uncomfortable and not good enough. Sometimes following your child’s lead can be the way to go. Nursery are being supportive and helpful. Just gently encourage, baby steps. Even if it’s just him sharing a toy at nursery, it’s all steps on the way. I’d make home a place where he doesn’t have to be concerned about playing with others or being shy. If he wants to that’s great, if not leave him.
As he gets older if it’s the same, there are now lots of great support for him and you. My daughter has individual support in the classroom and at playtime to help her self confidence and social skills. So try not to worry xx

 

[Peaches_xox]

My son is deffo an observer and quite shy in social settings. He’s 5 and in year 1 now. The school he goes too are brilliant and they picked up on it straight away and he sees the school councillor on his own and in groups and they practice asking to join in and playing and socialising, he’s coming out of himself more and more. Despite being very shy he still has loads of friends. Parents can attend school one morning a week and I can really see a difference in him now compared to the start of term. The school will deffo never want a child to be left out so I wouldn’t worry too much!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Is he an only child? It can be quite common for children that spend more time around adults than children to want to spend time with adults rather than other children, as that’s what they know.

i was a very shy child, although I didn’t want to be around adults or children! I wouldn’t say I grew out of it, I think i am just the same now really. I think it’s a personality trait.

I’ve always preferred my own company to that of the company of other people, I still do.

I know it’s hard, but I’m sure he will be okay!

 

[Definitelyme]

Is he unhappy? When he chats about the other kids is he talking in a positive way, or does he wish he was joining in? Does he feel lonely?

Personally, I think some kids are observers. He watches others, and when he feels comfortable he will eventually join in if he feels that their play aligns with his. At young ages the play is so often alongside other kids, rather than actually playing with them, so maybe he is still in this stage, and with time he will feel more of a desire to play with others.

My kids are extremely shy. I know some people hate that label/term, but I don’t see it as anything negative. They are very shy around both adults and children they don’t know. My 8yo rarely spoke to another adult outside of immediate family (even my friends we saw regularly) until she started preschool. My 6yo rarely spoke to adults, and preferred to play on his own when other kids were about. My 3yo doesn’t utter a word to adults, and when well meaning kids try to chat to her or play in parks etc sometimes it brings her to tears because it’s so far outside her comfort zone.

I think the best thing to do is give gentle encouragement/support and lots of time. My 8yo now will happily talk to strangers in some instances, and is happy to talk with other kids. My 6yo surprised me a few months ago by happily talking to a stranger at church, although he still finds large crowds (even kids) overwhelming. We have never pushed them, just supported them where they are And they’ve moved forward in their own time.

 

[reCAPTCHA]

I’m chuckling because I couldn’t click on this thread fast enough, but only because I misread it as “Does anyone else have a really sly child?” In my head I was like “Yes; I have three of the sly little people- I need ALL of the advice.”

 

[LittleB]

Is he an only child? It can be quite common for children that spend more time around adults than children to want to spend time with adults rather than other children, as that’s what they know.

i was a very shy child, although I didn’t want to be around adults or children! I wouldn’t say I grew out of it, I think i am just the same now really. I think it’s a personality trait.

I’ve always preferred my own company to that of the company of other people, I still do.

I know it’s hard, but I’m sure he will be okay!

He has a baby brother (5 months) thank you for your reply x

Is he unhappy? When he chats about the other kids is he talking in a positive way, or does he wish he was joining in? Does he feel lonely?

Personally, I think some kids are observers. He watches others, and when he feels comfortable he will eventually join in if he feels that their play aligns with his. At young ages the play is so often alongside other kids, rather than actually playing with them, so maybe he is still in this stage, and with time he will feel more of a desire to play with others.

My kids are extremely shy. I know some people hate that label/term, but I don’t see it as anything negative. They are very shy around both adults and children they don’t know. My 8yo rarely spoke to another adult outside of immediate family (even my friends we saw regularly) until she started preschool. My 6yo rarely spoke to adults, and preferred to play on his own when other kids were about. My 3yo doesn’t utter a word to adults, and when well meaning kids try to chat to her or play in parks etc sometimes it brings her to tears because it’s so far outside her comfort zone.

I think the best thing to do is give gentle encouragement/support and lots of time. My 8yo now will happily talk to strangers in some instances, and is happy to talk with other kids. My 6yo surprised me a few months ago by happily talking to a stranger at church, although he still finds large crowds (even kids) overwhelming. We have never pushed them, just supported them where they are And they’ve moved forward in their own time.

Thank you for your reply, it has made me feel much better.

No he isn’t unhappy, he’s just wary if other kids are loud/boisterous. He basically just tells me what he has seen - ‘arabella had packed lunch today/Arthur was a bit naughty today/Amy went home at lunchtime today’, so he doesn’t really talk about them in a negative way. He is happy to play alone/with the grown ups so I don’t think he is lonely x

I’m chuckling because I couldn’t click on this thread fast enough, but only because I misread it as “Does anyone else have a really sly child?” In my head I was like “Yes; I have three of the sly little people- I need ALL of the advice.”

Oh he is shy at school and sly at home