Direct cremation - Thoughts?

[Slaybutter]

It is hard. All I keep thinking about is when they pass, the next time I actually have them around me is when they are in an urn. I hate even having to think about them passing away because I know like everyone does, I'm going to find it extremely difficult to come to terms with but now it's all I can think about after this conversation yesterday. I would really like to respect their wishes though so more than likely, this is what will happen regardless of my feelings about it. My parents explained that we could always have a little memorial after as a family, but without the cost of everything that comes with a funeral.

I would love to skip the burial portion and have an urn instead. Going to bury the body is the hardest thing ime.
I’m very sentimental so I decorate with things from loved ones that passed away. They’re my favorite pieces and whenever I look at them I feel surrounded by love.
My mom would no doubt saddle me with a Lenox Butterfly Meadow-style urn so I guess I should be grateful that she doesn’t want to be cremated.
An intimate dinner to remember my parents with their friends who I know would be the best thing imo. They could do the speeches. I would serve my parents signature dishes. It would be so easy.

 

[Murphygirl]

When my mum passed away 18 months ago she was very clear when she found out she was terminally ill that this is what she wanted and I was happy to fulfil her wishes. My dad was very ill at the time and wouldn't have been able to attend a funeral anyway as well as covid restrictions. My cousin gave me a hard time about it but I don't think she understood how much my mum wanted this but she now understands. My dad also wants the same and when his time comes I'll do something to scatter the ashes together somewhere they loved. As there was no official ceremony to say goodbye, I planted a tree in the garden that flowers in April (her birthday) and bought a lovely tree of life plaque so I have a permanent place to remember her.
Although you don't attend, the funeral directors will tell you the day, place and rough time of the cremation

 

[ATV2021]

This is what I want. I'd have done it for my Mum but I had family kicking off that I wasn't going to pay for orders of service as "people like to keep them", so can't imagine no funeral would have gone down well and i just couldnt be bothered with them lol Well I threw out about 10 OOS from Mums car, so people may keep....but never look at again because what you looking at?! & we had a humanist ceremony so there was nothing to read in the bloody thing either! I knew it would be hugely attended so I ordered 25 barely covered the front rows. I didn't want to go, I feel no better from attending it either and don't wanna go to another ever again lol

 

[Zoombeeni2245]

I would like this when the time comes. I like the idea of people going out for a day out and hike somewhere beautiful in nature with a picnic to celebrate my life and then for my ashes to be scattered in that beautiful place. I’d like to minimise stress and ordeal for my family. This sounds more like me. I think they are a great idea.

 

[jackolantern]

My Mum wants this and told everyone to remember her privately in any way they choose, but no formal service. I completely respect that. Unfortunately while it may be hard for some to accept, it is ultimately the choice of the individual (as it should be). You don't need to uphold a tradition to mourn and celebrate the life of a loved one. I personally feel if you need a public display - then you are making it more about your need to be seen than about the actual person you are grieving. That might sound harsh, but not having a funeral doesn't at all take away your ability to say goodbye, it just takes away financial burden and grief tourists IMO.

One thing I will say, is my Mum doesn't even want her ashes returned to us. I find that hard. While I don't think anyone should be made to compromise with their wishes on their own bodies after death, I do struggle to understand why she feels so strongly about it that she couldn't even allow us to spread them somewhere special. Again I will accept her choice, but I can't pretend to respect that one.

 

[Calabria]

I want this when I die. I have been to so many funerals and hate the idea of people coming together to be sad about me going. I’d rather they take some time to go to places we loved or visited together (if they wanted to) and remembered me how they saw fit.

I also quite like the idea of separating my ashes so my different groups of loved ones can sprinkle me somewhere.

 

[Imsexy888]

I love this idea & have had experience of one.
They didn't believe in an afterlife so didn't see the need for a service. Instead there was a meeting in a pub for a party to celebrate his life once his ashes were returned.
In total including the returned ashes was £1450.00.

 

[laughing]

I want this when I die. I have been to so many funerals and hate the idea of people coming together to be sad about me going. I’d rather they take some time to go to places we loved or visited together (if they wanted to) and remembered me how they saw fit.

I also quite like the idea of separating my ashes so my different groups of loved ones can sprinkle me somewhere.

Oh I like the idea of separate groups doing various things with ashes. Each group would relate to the relationship you had with them.

 

[petitspois]

I want this when I go. I want to be remembered of course but a church service led by a vicar I've never met makes no sense to me in this day and age. In fact, I find the idea of burial odd in itself. Surely graves are re-used or dug up after a certain period of time (100 years?) so the idea that they have buried their loved one in their final resting place seems odd to me. Each to their own of course and this is clearly something that should be the individual's choice.

 

[Gossgirl12]

Thank you for all of your comments.
Whilst I don't necessarily like the idea, I can see why people would prefer this way and of course I will be respecting my parents wishes.