Dictating Parents?

[HankMcPrank]

Okay. So I’m 30 and I need your advice.

My mum is with a very controlling partner (she doesn’t see it tho.) If he is with her, she cannot make phone calls to me, if I call for a genuine reason you can hear her mutter “oh for f***s sake” or “god sake what now?” Which I find rude, she doesn’t use FB or messenger, but when he’s gone back to work she’s all over me. Anyway, that’s not the point of this thread.
I’m 30, I have children but my mum is constantly dictating what I should do. In the nicest way, how can I tell her to stop?

She doesn’t like the area I live in & is pushing me to move with no financial support which leads to arguments as I have a very secure tenancy here & we are all settled.

my children are home schooled by choice - again, badgering they should be in school & on school role.

the list is endless, but I’m tired of the arguments & I don’t know, when she is with my children alone (she’s in our bubble) I feel she is questioning them. They don’t like it but don’t have the courage to speak up.

 

[LittleMy]

You can’t be nice in these situations, it never works. Be firm and put your foot down. You don’t have to shout but don’t pussyfoot around the issue either. They’re your children, it’s your life and your decisions. You are an adult now, you don’t have to answer to her.

 

[birdiefly246]

I'm wondering if the reason she's trying to dictate your life is cause she feels like she has no control in hers cause her partner is controlling.

Could you maybe put some distance between the two of you? If you're the one ringing her is she likely to ring you if you don't? If she doesn't then all you need do is not contact her. It's tough cause it's your mum but it's your life and she really has no right to dictate it. My experience with people like that is that she'll never be happy. You could jump through everything hoop she puts out, put your kids in school, move closer, but there'll be another hoop she wants you to go through. It'll never end.

 

[HankMcPrank]

We have a secure home which i am not prepared to give up. My children had a terrible time at school - months of bullying and abuse which is why I removed them.
If I don’t call, it’s likely I wouldn’t receive a call.
Maybe a text if I’m okay that’s it.

It’s draining.

 

[birdiefly246]

We have a secure home which i am not prepared to give up. My children had a terrible time at school - months of bullying and abuse which is why I removed them.
If I don’t call, it’s likely I wouldn’t receive a call.
Maybe a text if I’m okay that’s it.

It’s draining.

okay brutal honesty here. Don't call. You're clearly being affected by her when you talk and she sounds like she's a negative and toxic influence in your life. If she's not going to hound you to talk to you then realistically you can cut this off completely and you wouldn't have to put up with it at all. No offence to you and I'm not saying it's easy obviously, but you're currently choosing to put yourself in that place and to be drained as you're choosing to contact her. Don't. See how you feel after you don't and see what she does. Have confidence in yourself and your decisions in regards to you and your children. You know what's best for YOUR life and YOUR kids.

 

[Alexaj]

Well if you live in an area where the kids were badly bullied at school I can maybe see why she doesn't like it?

 

[HankMcPrank]

Well if you live in an area where the kids were badly bullied at school I can maybe see why she doesn't like it?

sorry, we have moved areas now. In a lovely village 5 miles from town, but she wants us to move back to the area.....

okay brutal honesty here. Don't call. You're clearly being affected by her when you talk and she sounds like she's a negative and toxic influence in your life. If she's not going to hound you to talk to you then realistically you can cut this off completely and you wouldn't have to put up with it at all. No offence to you and I'm not saying it's easy obviously, but you're currently choosing to put yourself in that place and to be drained as you're choosing to contact her. Don't. See how you feel after you don't and see what she does. Have confidence in yourself and your decisions in regards to you and your children. You know what's best for YOUR life and YOUR kids.

She looks after my grandad and my Nan is being manipulative but isn’t acting on it. I’m just exhausted.

 

[birdiefly246]

sorry, we have moved areas now. In a lovely village 5 miles from town, but she wants us to move back to the area.....



She looks after my grandad and my Nan is being manipulative but isn’t acting on it. I’m just exhausted.

This may sounds really harsh but is that really your problem? Maybe I'm a selfish person but ultimately you have your own life with your own things to focus on. You don't need to be worrying about other people's tit as well.

 

[ChloChlo]

This is your life. If you don't want to move and are happy where you are, then why should you alter your life to appease others? Same goes for your schooling methods. Literally do as you please!

If she doesn't like it, I wouldn't make announcements about what you do to her at all or consult about anything. Especially if her opinion on these matters are negatively effecting you. It may seem harsh as it is your own mother, but like others have suggested I would limit contact if she's making you feel this way.

 

[HankMcPrank]

Thank you all, I haven’t slept all night either which hasn’t helped me with the worry but I’ve took all your comments on board and completely agree with you.
Thank you. X