Cutting out a toxic friend.

[GiggleBee]

Ive posted about this person before but Im now ready to cut her off but how?

Its a difficult situation. This women 'B' is friends with my other friend 'S'. We all hang out at times but B is very controlling over S.

B turns up at S's house 3 or 4 times a day some days, rings mutiple times a day. She wont let S breath.

We took S to the range last week and B flipped telling her to phone us (my Mum and I) and cancel us as shell take her. S didnt thankfully.
Then we went out to sainsburys with S this week and B turned up at her house and kept ringing her to find out where she was. S said when she got home Bs face was pure anger.

Weve had a picnic with both of them this month and B has been round ours for a cuppa so we havent been leaving her out.

We took S and her daughter to ikea at the weekend, B messaged asked if she could come and we politely said no, we just wanted to take S and spend time with her. She turned up at S's house in tears saying how were leaving her out ect.

Shes definitely more toxic with S than she is with us but its draining for me. Shes living in my mind rent free at the moment and I cant have that.
If I cut her off completely I know S will get it in the neck. Any tips would be very welcome? Is there a way to do it gradually or shall I just bite the bullet and cut her off?

 

[grumpycat]

I would be honest. Just say how impossible it is for you to spend any time alone with your friend and you feel like they’re being controlling. Sometimes people don’t realise how much of a fool they’re being - wonder if there’s anything up in her life that needs her to be so controlling.

How does S feel about it all?

 

[Chezzzlar]

B sounds like she is a narcissist and S is a co dependant ( google it....very interesting).I was previously in a friendship group like this. Better now I'm out of it to be honest. All.the best!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think you need to speak to S about you both cutting her out. That is no okay behaviour, does B have any other friends?

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

How old are you all?

 

[GiggleBee]

I would be honest. Just say how impossible it is for you to spend any time alone with your friend and you feel like they’re being controlling. Sometimes people don’t realise how much of a fool they’re being - wonder if there’s anything up in her life that needs her to be so controlling.

How does S feel about it all?

S feels sorry for her and feels guilty if she says anything. Weve told S that she needs to say something but she likes to keep the peace.

I think you need to speak to S about you both cutting her out. That is no okay behaviour, does B have any other friends?

No, no other real friends, she pushes people away. Sadly shes pushed friends away from S too because shes so controlling over her.

How old are you all?

Old enough to know better. Im in my early 30s and im the youngest of the group

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

Old enough to know better. Im in my early 30s and im the youngest of the group
[/QUOTE]

But young enough to start afresh!

Personally I'd take a step back from both of them, your all adults. S can speak up for herself if she isn't happy in the friendship but it seems like she's being used a bartering tool.

We are also still in the midst of a pandemic so can be used for not seeing people although may be a bit late in your case as she knows you've been socialising

 

[ChloChlo]

It sounds like everybody in this situation is toxic. It sounds like a very sneaky friendship group.

I feel that you do not like B at all. You probably have never liked her, I think she senses or knows this. S needs to man the duck up and stop using people, she sounds bad to the bone that one, I'd watch her more than anything, she sounds like she likes having her a wiped. You need to be more open to B and probably stop wiping S's a.

 

[GiggleBee]

It sounds like everybody in this situation is toxic. It sounds like a very sneaky friendship group.

I feel that you do not like B at all. You probably have never liked her, I think she senses or knows this. S needs to man the duck up and stop using people, she sounds bad to the bone that one, I'd watch her more than anything, she sounds like she likes having her a wiped. You need to be more open to B and probably stop wiping S's a.

I did like B at one point until she become controlling.
S does need to man up but I wouldn't say shes a bad person.

 

[Raininvain]

You sound very young, this sounds like a school kids problem.
S has to sort out her own friendship problems with B. You can just see S by herself and tell B if she rings you are too busy etc. Just take a big step back from it all and see S occasionally.
I'd be looking at meeting new people where all this doesnt go down. Its pathetic.

 

[GiggleBee]

You sound very young, this sounds like a school kids problem.
S has to sort out her own friendship problems with B. You can just see S by herself and tell B if she rings you are too busy etc. Just take a big step back from it all and see S occasionally.
I'd be looking at meeting new people where all this doesnt go down. Its pathetic.

I know its pathetic, and youre right I do need to take a step back and im trying too.

 

[judsmum]

Why does S not appear to be able to do anything for herself? We took S here, we took S there. Is she incapable? It all sounds odd.

 

[GiggleBee]

Why does S not appear to be able to do anything for herself? We took S here, we took S there. Is she incapable? It all sounds odd.

S has alot of anxiety about covid and being out in public, weve taken her to help support her.

 

[Delia Smith]

Does S secretly enjoy all this attention do you think? I would cut them both off. They sound draining.

 

[ChloChlo]

Exactly. I dont understand why people in situations like this dont just duck off instead of staying put and saying nothing.

Neither of you have a bollock between you TBH.

 

[Tree_]

S sounds like a weirdo tbh.

 

[svdwoodsen]

Gonna take a shot in the dark here and ask: is B possibly in love with S? And S maybe secretly enjoys the attention but doesn't reciprocate her feelings (but doesn't want it to stop either). The anger and tears sounds more like a scorned lover kind of behavior (albeit a crazy one) than any friendship I can think of past the age of 16.

 

[ChloChlo]

Gonna take a shot in the dark here and ask: is B possibly in love with S? And S maybe secretly enjoys the attention but doesn't reciprocate her feelings (but doesn't want it to stop either). The anger and tears sounds more like a scorned lover kind of behavior (albeit a crazy one) than any friendship I can think of past the age of 16.

TBH I've seen a fair amount of grown women in these trio types of friendships where one acts like a scorned lover and the other overly friendly with their tongue out ready to wipe tripping over eachother for one woman in the group that more often than not knows it and loves it and uses it fully to her advantage while laughing behind their backs. It is very clumsy and painful to watch. You can tell friendships like that, because when they tiff the scorned one always gets all their stuff back in a black bags like a break up

 

[svdwoodsen]

TBH I've seen a fair amount of grown women in these trio types of friendships where one acts like a scorned lover. It is very clumsy and painful to watch. You can tell friendships like that, because when they tiff the scorned one always gets all their stuff back in a black bags like a break up

All this drama and not even a good bag out of it? Hard pass.