My mental health is being destroyed by the pandemic
I struggled with anxiety for my whole life, but it's getting to the point where I don't want to leave my house anymore. I can't watch or listen to the news on TV because the numbers make my thoughts spiral.
Both times I got vaccinated, I had massive panic attacks in front of hundreds of strangers in the vaccination centre. When a nurse tried to convince me to take off my mask so I could go through the breathing exercises and have a glass of water, I started crying because I was so scared at the thought of taking my mask off. To add insult to injury, some Karen started loudly complaining about me during my second dose ordeal as I was "skipping the queue".
Things that used to make me only a little bit anxious (getting the bus, going to the supermarket) now seem like the most frightening, daunting tasks ever. The thought of going into my office makes me feel so ill that I've been cleared to work from home indefinitely. When I think of all the things I used to be able to do on my own (i.e. get the bus into town and go to work during rush hour), I feel like that was a completely different person.
It's also causing conflict with my boyfriend's family (we both still live at home). I had a panic attack in his house last night after his mother admitted that she had spent Xmas day with someone who tested positive to covid. As I was having a panic attack about this, his brother starts ranting at me that the vaccine is fake or something.. I don't even know. Look, I don't care if you're anti-vaxx or whatever... your body, your choice.. but it's not appropriate to rant and rave at someone having a panic attack. I ended going home early, (I did an antigen test in their house and it was negative before leaving) and they told my boyfriend that I'm being dramatic. I'm not dramatic
I'm dealing with severe mental illness and can't access services to help me because of the pandemic.
I'm back on the sleeping tablets and anxiety meds now because without them, I lay awake at night thinking that everyone I love is going to die of covid. Anxiety is not rational, I keep thinking I'll get covid and everyone in my house will die because of me. In a small bit of good news, I can get my booster vaccine on Thursday from my GP which means no panic attacks in front of hundreds of strangers. There's that, I guess. But yeah... in summary; this really fucking sucks.