Coparenting advice.

Megansnarkle · Aug 7, 2023

al255 said:
Awwww thank you 🥹 it's hard isn't it, she says I'm her best friend he's only started doing stuff with her really. It's just been boring and tbh I don't blame her for not wanting to go. Rinse and repeat!!! I think it's that she just thinks she will be sat inside not doing anything fun cos that's what she's used to.. he doesn't drive and there isn't "that" much to do round here. He took her swimming for the first time this weekend and she loved it..! He needs prompting to book stuff, it's just frustrating.

Rather than having to prompt him to book stuff, could you find a regular Saturday activity for her that he could take her to? Maybe something that you might not do with her? Football or a sporting activity perhaps? That way you aren't reliant upon him to be proactive, your daughter will know what the plan is and hopefully can find something she and her dad can bond over that's theirs.

Tunacanoe · Aug 7, 2023

allthingschocolate said:
Oh it’s so damn hard co parenting I’m almost 6 years down the line with it and would like to say it gets easier it doesn’t really though I am learning to cope with it better! my ex is horrible and an awful dad to my daughter! he’s a true narcissist! my daughter came back from holiday yesterday evening after 2.5 weeks with him, she cried to me on the phone and wanted to come home after a week so he said of course you can go home but ask you mom to pay for the flights anyway I said no and coaxed my daughter into staying, this is the same guy that didn’t ask for my permission in the first place for my daughter to miss the last day of school (I was fine with it as she had a half day) but still he didn’t officially ask me, everything is done via my daughter relaying messages to me which ha wrong and not fair on her! he also never told me the dates he was retuning! Then I get a text of my daughter when she was en route home saying he wouldn’t drop her back to me last night as he’s been driving all day and can I pick her up which is fine it’s only 20 mins but again no txt politely asking for if I could do this! Only to then find out from my daughter that he was literally 5 mins from my house and point blank refused to drop her off making deliberate detours on the way home that weren’t all that necessary I have really had it up to here with him and his vile abusive games! So next year he will not be allowed to take her abroad and my Daughter has decided a week in the uk is more than enough as same thing happened last year and she wanted to come home as she had had enough of him/them after a week (she’s 14 for reference) and the struggle is real I tell you! Despite the emotional damage he is doing to my poor daughter unfortunately she won’t cut ties with him due to her half sibling who she adores! Sadly her dads wife is not a nice person and my daughter says she does not have a bond with her definitely wanted to swing for my ex last night though so relieved to have my girl home

Have a daughter in her teens also such a hard time to co-parent as they can see the crappy behaviour but dont want to break away from them. Ever since mine turned into a teen you can see her father wanting to spend less time with her and he has a partner the last few years who he keeps seperate as much as possible from my daughter she literally says she doesnt know her. Its like hes keeping two seperate families and biding his time for the few years until shes an adult. She sees all this too and is heartbroken by it.

al255 · Aug 7, 2023

Megansnarkle said:
Rather than having to prompt him to book stuff, could you find a regular Saturday activity for her that he could take her to? Maybe something that you might not do with her? Football or a sporting activity perhaps? That way you aren't reliant upon him to be proactive, your daughter will know what the plan is and hopefully can find something she and her dad can bond over that's theirs.

not really, there isn't much around near us and she does alot during the week. She isn't really into sports as such.. I think he will take her swimming more as she really enjoyed it. I don't want to commit to another class etc for her as she's sometimes exhausted by time the weekend comes z
---

hol20x said:
Definitely sounds like he's not giving her enough entertainment so she's bored when she goes to his! It's the same with my ex, he doesn't drive and there's bugger all near where he lives so she's just stuck indoors with him and he only allows her to have a limited amount of toys out at once. She has autism and he doesn't understand her little ways. It's so frustrating! She knows when she's with me that she can play with whatever she wants and we'll tidy it up before bedtime. Plus I take her places and do things with her!

She plays up more when she's bored - as any child does!! He will happily take her to the woods nearby on her bike etc but he needs prompting when the weather is going to be rubbish to realise she's going to be bored! Just urggggggggghhhhhhhh sorry it's shit for you too!!!

allthingschocolate · Aug 7, 2023

Tunacanoe said:
Have a daughter in her teens also such a hard time to co-parent as they can see the crappy behaviour but dont want to break away from them. Ever since mine turned into a teen you can see her father wanting to spend less time with her and he has a partner the last few years who he keeps seperate as much as possible from my daughter she literally says she doesnt know her. Its like hes keeping two seperate families and biding his time for the few years until shes an adult. She sees all this too and is heartbroken by it.

Yes It’s heartbreaking to watch her dad has other priorities that don’t include her, he has a stepson and another child with this woman and he spends a lot more time doing stuff with them than he does with her! She had an awful time on holiday with them and 2 weeks is far too long she can’t cope with it and has no bond with any of them, so I’ve said no more than a week and definitely not abroad! Her father is a complete narcissist he does it to get at me but at the expense of his own child’s feelings wish she could see sense it’s awful for these poor kids and I do worry about how this may affect her as she becomes and adult and enters relationships

Tunacanoe · Aug 7, 2023

allthingschocolate said:
Yes It’s heartbreaking to watch her dad has other priorities that don’t include her, he has a stepson and another child with this woman and he spends a lot more time doing stuff with them than he does with her! She had an awful time on holiday with them and 2 weeks is far too long she can’t cope with it and has no bond with any of them, so I’ve said no more than a week and definitely not abroad! Her father is a complete narcissist he does it to get at me but at the expense of his own child’s feelings wish she could see sense it’s awful for these poor kids and I do worry about how this may affect her as she becomes and adult and enters relationships

Totally agree can already see mine developing daddy issues and can be very needy. I dont have the holiday issue thankfully as if she went on hols they wouldnt be able to go partying so never take her also he wouldnt waste any annual leave days to use spending time with her instead of his other priorities. Although i have no doubt she will become useful in the next few years as their babysitter they will want her around then

Coparenting advice.

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency