Co-worker who does not understand social cues

[wakametango]

Thanks.

No, definitely not. He's not my buddy, we started at the same time. Generally, when you're assigned a buddy, the manager will let you know so and so is your buddy. I was actually assigned a buddy and it's certainly not him. If he were my buddy, I'd understand, but still texting me on a Saturday evening outside business hours on my personal number is unacceptable.

I actually went back into the system and realized the feedback request on him comes from my manager directly, not him. Feedback is a requirement for mid-year reviews, but generally, manager don't send feedback requests to their reports to give feedback on another report. I've never received a feedback for any other team mate at my level except him and we've had several feedback cycles already. What we do is that we send feedback requests to people we've personally worked with. A manager asking for feedback from one report regarding another, it's a novelty to me.

I’d feed it back.
Short and blunt, we don’t do these in our workplace so whatever qualities he does have along with something along the lines of ‘could be reminded of contacting colleagues only in work hours’ or ‘not outside of work’.
I wouldn’t worry if he’ll know it’s me because he wasn’t worried at over stepping his boundary to me, obviously that’s easy for me to say being so far removed from the situation but above should definitely know and be the one to set the boundary so we’re not left bickering amongst each other

 

[Raininvain]

I'd just tell him straight, hey John I'm really busy out of work with family/partner/kids whatever and I don't want to be contacted out of work at all. etc. If he continues to be a pest then I'd raise it with you line manager. Its either that he fancies you or is lonely I think. Either way its not on and you are entitled to your privacy.

 

[wakametango]

I'd just tell him straight, hey John I'm really busy out of work with family/partner/kids whatever and I don't want to be contacted out of work at all. etc. If he continues to be a pest then I'd raise it with you line manager. Its either that he fancies you or is lonely I think. Either way its not on and you are entitled to your privacy.

I had a woman who used to contact me. I’m middle management and it stemmed from senior management not being clear on what was happening day by day and her anxiety. So Sunday morning I’d get 10 questions about the Monday… all of which I ignored

 

[Smallpotato]

I have been in a similar situation with a male nurse who I worked with. We briefly knew each other prior to him coming to my unit (he was one of my masters classes) so I offered to mentor/support him in this new area. He would often ring and text at all times of the day, and had poor social cues. He would ring and clearly hear my son in the background and would go “can you make him be quiet?”

Anyways I continued being polite until he made a comment about my sexuality (I’m straight but I’m on the LGBT+ committee at work) so I took it to my manager. I also sent him a text saying that I would prefer it if he directed all communications to our manager, his new mentor.

Unfortunately I’ve encountered him time and time again; I was on a promotional campaign at work and photos used in the press in my old uniform, so he complained to PR and press about “poor advertising”. He became a specialist nurse while I stayed as a staff nurse and is endlessly emailing me about training in his area. I just forward these emails to my manager.

 

[Raininvain]

Also I'd block him and never, ever respond to him either.

 

[Smallpotato]

Also I'd block him and never, ever respond to him either.

Agreed

 

[Raininvain]

Thinking about this, I had it many years ago with a woman I met through a course who was much senior to me. She was emailing me at all times of the day and night even at 3 and 4am in the morning. Loads and loads of emails asking to be my friend sending kisses xxx all sorts of stuff. Anyway, I asked her to stop sending emails and if she had something to say then for her to sit down and say it with me face to face etc. She eventually stopped when I said if she didn't I'd have her over. She would have been in trouble at work no doubt about it. I showed my line manager and she couldn't believe it and asked if I wanted to make a formal complaint. I didn't because the woman was a single parent etc and I didn't want her to lose her job. It unsettled me though because I had bad depression at the time and it was just another thing on top of everything else.

 

[theweekend]

My old line manager used to call me and the other members of our team on weekends all the time. We explained it away as her being an alcoholic, obviously she would slur sometimes and just generally talk tit but my dad (also an alcoholic) used to do the same - get pissed and would sit ringing people for hours on end - so it makes sense.

The fact that she would call her direct reports is even weirder though, including former - i.e. she would do it to employees after they left and then continued ringing us when she herself had left the business. Maybe it was a power thing (as in she thought we were more likely to pick up as others maybe ignored her calls) but I never did and I've no idea why anyone would. Also knowing she had a husband and 3 teenage sons made it even more confusing, where are they on these Saturday and Sunday nights while she's drunk and calling the people that report into her at work

 

[TheGlossy]

Thanks, all. Appreciate the inputs!

I blocked him after his last out of business hours texting attempt. We had a company wide day off on a Friday, so that we could have a long weekend and he felt it was appropriate to impede on my personal time by texting me that Saturday night.

I supposed I have the obligation to give a performance feedback since my manager requested it. I won't include any details pertaining to out of hours texts because it's not really performance related. I'll however clearly highlight the fact that he dropped me half way through a project at the last minute when the assignment was due at close of business. I don't see any purpose in protecting him since he clearly has a) no boundaries b) has no issue ignoring my questions c) has been rude on various occasions.

I think he is lonely since he moved to Ireland for this job and lives alone. I can appreciate it's been difficult with the lockdown & not meeting people, but quite frankly, it is absolutely not my problem. We're co-workers and don't need to be friends. I'm friends with some of my previous co-workers, but it's due to an organic development, not a forced one like he's trying to force this out of office friendship. Right now, I'm grateful because we work from home, but I'm dreading the return to office as he'll want to have lunch with me all the time and will really want to try to create this friendship I don't want to create. I'm thinking of moving on either internally or externally, so hopefully, I won't have to put up with him. If I have to, I'll straight up tell him I don't hang out with co-workers outside of work.

 

[TheGlossy]

I ended up giving an honest feedback to the manager yesterday (no mention of the out of hours texting as he's blocked now). I highlighted the fact that he dropped me at the last minute. He messed up something for the entire team this morning and someone else has to re-do the work which takes ages.

Funnily enough, I was browsing through LinkedIn when I saw two suspicious things. He amended his location on his LinkedIn from Zurich to Geneva when he's for a fact based in Ireland is not from Switzerland at all. That's the LinkedIn he uses for all of his work contacts (we have several common contacts). Then, I was looking through suggested contacts, another profile of his popped up. This second profile seems to be up to date as well which shows he's been using it as he's been liking posts and it had the exact same info as his other profile, but this time he's not connected with anyone from work and uses another location.

Really bizarre.

 

[ChampagneBox]

I ended up giving an honest feedback to the manager yesterday (no mention of the out of hours texting as he's blocked now). I highlighted the fact that he dropped me at the last minute. He messed up something for the entire team this morning and someone else has to re-do the work which takes ages.

Funnily enough, I was browsing through LinkedIn when I saw two suspicious things. He amended his location on his LinkedIn from Zurich to Geneva when he's for a fact based in Ireland is not from Switzerland at all. That's the LinkedIn he uses for all of his work contacts (we have several common contacts). Then, I was looking through suggested contacts, another profile of his popped up. This second profile seems to be up to date as well which shows he's been using it as he's been liking posts and it had the exact same info as his other profile, but this time he's not connected with anyone from work and uses another location.

Really bizarre.

I’m sure you know this but when I was on linkedin a few years ago (so it may have changed) I got notifications when someone viewed my profile, and it showed me who, just be careful if he’s already a bit odd as if he sees you’re viewing his profile it might egg him on x

 

[TheGlossy]

I’m sure you know this but when I was on linkedin a few years ago (so it may have changed) I got notifications when someone viewed my profile, and it showed me who, just be careful if he’s already a bit odd as if he sees you’re viewing his profile it might egg him on x

I'm in private mode (anonymous). He won't know I looked. I'm very stringent about this - always make sure I'm in private mode. I don't want people to know I checked them out. It's creepy.

 

[ChampagneBox]

I'm in private mode (anonymous). He won't know I looked. I'm very stringent about this - always make sure I'm in private mode. I don't want people to know I checked them out. It's creepy.

Dammit if I’d known about anon mode I wouldn’t have been caught stalking my ex’s new girlfriend

 

[TheGlossy]

Dammit if I’d known about anon mode I wouldn’t have been caught stalking my ex’s new girlfriend

Yeah - it's really creepy when you find out someone has been looking at your profile repeatedly. I always double-check I'm still in an private mode before checking the profile of someone I know.

Also, my crush doesn't need to know I looked at his profile

The "search appearances" is a dead giveaway as well as it shows where your searchers work and I know for fact, some people who viewed my profile in non-anonymous mode work at some of these companies.

 

[Smallpotato]

Dammit if I’d known about anon mode I wouldn’t have been caught stalking my ex’s new girlfriend

hahaha I did the same!