Co Parenting.

Bellaboo83 · Jul 5, 2021

Hi guys,

I'm feeling like crap after my LO went to stay with their dad this weekend.

Since our split the father has been a bit of a fool about contact. For one reason or another down to him

he's ended up with about 10 weeks of not seeing his child

Anyway I instigated some contact this weekend because my LO was upset at not seeing his father. My child was overjoyed to be going and I was so happy for them.

My child has come back home after the wknd and of course the father has made such a huge effort, he's spent loads of money on them, he's taken them out, he's done lots with them, given junk food all weekend and basically totally redeamed the last 10 weeks of not being there.

All that's is wonderful and I'm really happy he's had a good time. However my LO has come home in a foul mood and said I don't do any of the things with him that the dad does and I don't spend the same money on them etc etc and wants to spend a lot more time with the father.

During the last 10 weeks while the dad has been dicking about we've been on two amazing holidays (in the UK), been on several day trips, I've sat outside each night while they play with their friends, I've had their friends over to the house, I've taken their friend's out with us to parks and played games with them on an evening,weve seen family, had brilliant time in the heatwave in the garden but.. I guess of course I'm the bad guy because I have to ensure they are eating well and going to bed at the right time and doing homework etc but I just feel like the dad has waltzed back in done two days of giving it everything parenting and got the gold star when I've been doing my best on my own for the last nearly 3 months and my LO can't see that

Is this normal? Is this just another one of those rubbish things we have to accept being a single parent? I was so upset (not openly) when LO said these things, I just don't know how not to feel so religated and second best when I'm giving it my best and actually bringing them up

Boredofthegram · Jul 5, 2021

I feel your pain. I have the same with my son when he goes to see his dad (about every 5-6 weeks plus half of school hols). I get all the attitude and chat back despite being the parent 95% of the time. A friend of mine who also goes through it told me it’s because I am his safe space and he feels comfortable letting it all the emotion and feeling out to me which makes sense. I just think that as he gets older (he’s now almost 6) he’ll see the truthfor himself. I don’t make any comment on my feelings about the whole thing to him as I don’t want to influence his opinion on his dad.
try not to let it upset you, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a mum x

eyeballs · Jul 5, 2021

Exactly the same issues here. My ex is the typical glory dad. He shows up for all the fun stuff and leaves me with all the hard stuff.
As the wise poster before me said , they soon get older and realise who is really their for them. It’s harder when they are younger because you feel like the bad guy, but trust me they know how much you do. Just try not to let your feelings known, and keep doing the great job that you are.

Bellaboo83 · Jul 5, 2021

Boredofthegram said:
I feel your pain. I have the same with my son when he goes to see his dad (about every 5-6 weeks plus half of school hols). I get all the attitude and chat back despite being the parent 95% of the time. A friend of mine who also goes through it told me it’s because I am his safe space and he feels comfortable letting it all the emotion and feeling out to me which makes sense. I just think that as he gets older (he’s now almost 6) he’ll see the truthfor himself. I don’t make any comment on my feelings about the whole thing to him as I don’t want to influence his opinion on his dad.
try not to let it upset you, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a mum x

Yes I've really tried to not say anything negative about the dad. Although for the last 10 weeks LO has been blaming me for not seeing him so I have had to say look this isn't my fault, daddy is busy, I'm doing my best to arrange it. Despite my reservations and bitterness for how he has behaved these last 10 weeks I still instigated and organised this weekend and arranged a night in the coming week too because I know my child thinks his dad is a god and I know he will have a good time when he's there.

I think that's really good advice re the safe space. Yes perhaps he has all these big emotions about wanting to spend more time with his dad and because he's only 6 he doesn't know how to express them properly so he's off loading onto me (the safe space) in the only way he can verbalise it which is to blame me. That makes a lot of sense, thank you!

He's back to normal this morning so I guess he was just emotional coming back to normality after a weekend of treats. It's just made me feel like I'm not doing enough I guess

even though I know I am.

eyeballs said:
Exactly the same issues here. My ex is the typical glory dad. He shows up for all the fun stuff and leaves me with all the hard stuff.
As the wise poster before me said , they soon get older and realise who is really their for them. It’s harder when they are younger because you feel like the bad guy, but trust me they know how much you do. Just try not to let your feelings known, and keep doing the great job that you are.

Thank you, yes a glory dad is a good way to put it. LO's school wouldn't even recognise his father and he doesn't get involved in things like homework/reading/after school activities etc. But he will chuck money around and take him to the exciting places on a Saturday when he does see him so my LO thinks the sun shines out of him

You wouldn't know looking at his social media that he hasn't seen him in so long as he posts pics of him like he's with him, and then this weekend obviously he's posted all their treats and the comments are all 'oh wow what a great dad you are' .. And I'm there thinking hang on a second....