Just looking for a bit of advice that I am doing the right thing currently. It’s a long story that I will try and condense as much as possible.
Basically I split up with my ex husband 6.5 years ago due to us not really getting on, his drug and alcohol use at the time. Since then I have tried to maintain a relationship with him and our two kids (now aged 8 and 10) - this has over the years been unsupervised contact when he has not been using drugs or alcohol and looking after his mental health, through to supervised by his mother when he has dipped.
Two years ago he was really bad and lost his house, job and driving licence due to drink and drugs. He was extremely abusive to me over a period of months which culminated in police involvement and a non molestation order being applied. After a few months he found a new job working away so seeing the children every other weekend at his mums. He then met a new partner and moved in with her and her child. Things seemed ok for a while and he started seeing the children every other weekend for the weekend at his new home but then around Christmas time he became abusive to me again (non mol had expired) and the children came home from his on two occasions in soiled clothes (eldest is autistic and has had toiletting issues up until recently) and having been up all night unsupervised whilst he slept. When I tried to tackle this with him he became abusive and threatened to go to my partners place of work to “have it out with him” despite my partner not having anything to do with it. This meant I then blocked him from contacting me and asked him to contact me via my partners phone as I believed he would not send abuse to my partners phone.
Over the next couple of months his behaviour was erratic and I began to think he was using drugs and alcohol heavily on days he was not seeing the kids, as he would go days without ringing their phone to speak to them - and only really be present Monday Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Additionally during the school holidays he had them overnight and could not drop them home one morning as he had drunk too much the night before. Before I had a chance to deal with this issue he split with his girlfriend. He ended up moving to a caravan on his mums driveway and saying he would see the children at his mums house. However he has since behaved in the way he did with me regarding me ending up getting the non mol with his ex and has been arrested for stalking and harrasment. He has been drinking heavily at times - to the point of urinating on himself in the street in the middle of the afternoon and using drugs on three/four day benders. At this point I stopped all face to face contact with the kids as I felt he was completely unstable - he has no home (caravan is one room with no running water or electricity) and is making bad decisions whilst drinking and taking drugs and is now on police bail. He became extremely threatening to me as I said I was stopping face to face contact until he either accepted he had an issue and got help and then we could review face to face contact when he had stabilised somewhat or he could apply to a contact centre (our local
One accepts self referrals) and I would support contact there whilst he got help.
He did neither and proceeded to threaten to call children’s services on me and my partner and say we were physically abusing the kid’s unless I continued with normal contact. I spoke to the police about this and they said combined with other threats he has made to me that they are building another harassment case on him towards me.
Basically since then he has not done anything I have asked and although states publicly on social media he is currently sober, I do not believe this from word of mouth in the small place we live combined with him being out in pubs five days out of seven.
He has contacted the kids three times by phone in a fortnight and that’s it.
His mum is unable to supervise contact as she enables him completely and hid him from the police when they were looking for him and is a fairly heavy drinker herself now.
Basically I need to know that if he does go to court (unlikely but am covering all bases) I am not going to be looked on badly like in a parental alienation way?
Basically I split up with my ex husband 6.5 years ago due to us not really getting on, his drug and alcohol use at the time. Since then I have tried to maintain a relationship with him and our two kids (now aged 8 and 10) - this has over the years been unsupervised contact when he has not been using drugs or alcohol and looking after his mental health, through to supervised by his mother when he has dipped.
Two years ago he was really bad and lost his house, job and driving licence due to drink and drugs. He was extremely abusive to me over a period of months which culminated in police involvement and a non molestation order being applied. After a few months he found a new job working away so seeing the children every other weekend at his mums. He then met a new partner and moved in with her and her child. Things seemed ok for a while and he started seeing the children every other weekend for the weekend at his new home but then around Christmas time he became abusive to me again (non mol had expired) and the children came home from his on two occasions in soiled clothes (eldest is autistic and has had toiletting issues up until recently) and having been up all night unsupervised whilst he slept. When I tried to tackle this with him he became abusive and threatened to go to my partners place of work to “have it out with him” despite my partner not having anything to do with it. This meant I then blocked him from contacting me and asked him to contact me via my partners phone as I believed he would not send abuse to my partners phone.
Over the next couple of months his behaviour was erratic and I began to think he was using drugs and alcohol heavily on days he was not seeing the kids, as he would go days without ringing their phone to speak to them - and only really be present Monday Tuesday and Wednesday evenings. Additionally during the school holidays he had them overnight and could not drop them home one morning as he had drunk too much the night before. Before I had a chance to deal with this issue he split with his girlfriend. He ended up moving to a caravan on his mums driveway and saying he would see the children at his mums house. However he has since behaved in the way he did with me regarding me ending up getting the non mol with his ex and has been arrested for stalking and harrasment. He has been drinking heavily at times - to the point of urinating on himself in the street in the middle of the afternoon and using drugs on three/four day benders. At this point I stopped all face to face contact with the kids as I felt he was completely unstable - he has no home (caravan is one room with no running water or electricity) and is making bad decisions whilst drinking and taking drugs and is now on police bail. He became extremely threatening to me as I said I was stopping face to face contact until he either accepted he had an issue and got help and then we could review face to face contact when he had stabilised somewhat or he could apply to a contact centre (our local
One accepts self referrals) and I would support contact there whilst he got help.
He did neither and proceeded to threaten to call children’s services on me and my partner and say we were physically abusing the kid’s unless I continued with normal contact. I spoke to the police about this and they said combined with other threats he has made to me that they are building another harassment case on him towards me.
Basically since then he has not done anything I have asked and although states publicly on social media he is currently sober, I do not believe this from word of mouth in the small place we live combined with him being out in pubs five days out of seven.
He has contacted the kids three times by phone in a fortnight and that’s it.
His mum is unable to supervise contact as she enables him completely and hid him from the police when they were looking for him and is a fairly heavy drinker herself now.
Basically I need to know that if he does go to court (unlikely but am covering all bases) I am not going to be looked on badly like in a parental alienation way?
