Child being Bullied

[Kaylarina]

As someone who was the subject of bullying for many years by someone who was a lot older than me, you just being in his corner and fighting the fight for him will mean everything, even if he can't articulate it. It's great that the school are taking it seriously, mine didn't and a I think that was a lot of the reason behind why I ended up just not saying anything when it happened again.

It might be an idea to get him a worry monster (if he doesn't already have one). Our paeds department them a lot for anxiety and worries. Even if he's a little bit young for writing down his worries, he could draw them. I know it won't help the situation, but it might ease his mind a little bit.

 

[nurseren]

As someone who was the subject of bullying for many years by someone who was a lot older than me, you just being in his corner and fighting the fight for him will mean everything, even if he can't articulate it. It's great that the school are taking it seriously, mine didn't and a I think that was a lot of the reason behind why I ended up just not saying anything when it happened again.

It might be an idea to get him a worry monster (if he doesn't already have one). Our paeds department them a lot for anxiety and worries. Even if he's a little bit young for writing down his worries, he could draw them. I know it won't help the situation, but it might ease his mind a little bit.

Honestly, me and my husband are such bleeps. Last night I printed off the anti bullying policy and highlighted parts of it, and sent it to school with my husband this morning ready to kick off if needs be.

Littlepotato went off to school fine, but in typical fashion, he opened up about the boy and said that he makes him cry. I rang the school at lunch and apparently he’s been great all morning and played in the reception playground rather than the big all years one.

I mentioned about older boy yesterday who sat and ate lunch with littlepotato one time which I found strange. I texted his mum (wonders of FB!) and her two sons, yr5 and yr6 are looking out for him. His mum has offered to walk me to school if I wanted support.

Having slept on it and cried over it, I’m still angry and hurt. I’m so certain that littlepotato isn’t too blame and he is being bullied, so I’ve taken advice from here about telling a grown up and working on his confidence. When he’s upset or scared a simple sentence can take a minute to get out, so I might go back to sign language with him.

Thanks every one.

 

[Honeybeetea]

Oh @nurseren I wish the world would give you a bloody break!

It sounds like littlepotato is an amazing, sweet, funny little guy. He is so lucky to have you as his mum, fighting his corner! I'm not a mum, but I can only imagine how hard it must be for you too (especially with everything else going on)!

As I mentioned in another thread, I'm a primary school teacher. It sounds like you're happy so far with how the school are handling the situation which is great

I really like reading situational books, most children are really responsive to them and it opens up a line of conversation quite nicely. I have these three in school which are quite good confidence boosters:

The Way I Feel: Amazon.co.uk: Janan Cain, Janan Cain, Janan Cain: 9781641604987: Books
Millie Fierce : Manning, Jane, Manning, Jane: Amazon.co.uk: Books
I Can Handle It: 1 (Mindful Mantras) : Wright, Ms Laurie, Santos, Ms Ana: Amazon.co.uk: Books

Have a lovely hug filled weekend with littlepotato x

p.s I really wanted to include a gate in my xmas nativity...but there's only one littlepotato!

 

[nurseren]

Oh @nurseren I wish the world would give you a bloody break!

It sounds like littlepotato is an amazing, sweet, funny little guy. He is so lucky to have you as his mum, fighting his corner! I'm not a mum, but I can only imagine how hard it must be for you too (especially with everything else going on)!

As I mentioned in another thread, I'm a primary school teacher. It sounds like you're happy so far with how the school are handling the situation which is great

I really like reading situational books, most children are really responsive to them and it opens up a line of conversation quite nicely. I have these three in school which are quite good confidence boosters:

The Way I Feel: Amazon.co.uk: Janan Cain, Janan Cain, Janan Cain: 9781641604987: Books
Millie Fierce : Manning, Jane, Manning, Jane: Amazon.co.uk: Books
I Can Handle It: 1 (Mindful Mantras) : Wright, Ms Laurie, Santos, Ms Ana: Amazon.co.uk: Books

Have a lovely hug filled weekend with littlepotato x

p.s I really wanted to include a gate in my xmas nativity...but there's only one littlepotato!

We LOVE these kind of books, I just bought a Star Wars one about feelings. Thank you so much, I’ll add these to my basket for payday/Christmas

I’m so pleased that littlepotato is the one and only gate!!!

Im exhausted with my life at the moment 🥲 but the support from my husband, little potato and here get me through!

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

I’m so sorry for your loss, lovey.
What a horrible thing for you to be dealing with on top of your loss.
It doesn’t sound like your son is the instigator at all. Lots of people have given you good advice but can I reassure you about something?
At lLittle Potatoes age, even if he was pushing every kid over, he wouldn’t be a bad kid, he’d be a sad and frustrated kid. Maybe angry.

But it doesn’t sound like it’s him. And as a mum if two boys, both of which have SN and have been bullied, I don’t think it is a bad thing if they stand up for themselves if they are being picked on. Yes, you have to encourage them to find a teacher blah blah blah….but if he has pushed back, it isn’t a sign of a rotter. It’s normal behaviour.

Do the school know about your bereavement? I hope they are being very supportive to your son.

One thing I’d encourageis to refuse to talk about this outside of school with this mother. She sounds a PITA and honestly they can be bloody vile. Some parents think their kids are saints too. Keep referring back to the school. If she ambushed you again, stay calm and say you do not wish to discuss it with her but you will go back to the school and discuss it there.
Infirm the school if she bothers you again. I had to get our headteacher to pull a mum in twice who was spreading lies about my son in yr 1. Let the school deal with it.

You are doing brilliantly and little potato sounds like a lovely boy and you sound like a good, caring, aware and responsible mum.

Can your husband do pick up and drop offs for awhile? Have a look at the grey rock technique. Also box breathing. Both are good techniques to help you stay calm and deal with the horrible mum.

Much love to you

 

[nurseren]

I’m so sorry for your loss, lovey.
What a horrible thing for you to be dealing with on top of your loss.
It doesn’t sound like your son is the instigator at all. Lots of people have given you good advice but can I reassure you about something?
At lLittle Potatoes age, even if he was pushing every kid over, he wouldn’t be a bad kid, he’d be a sad and frustrated kid. Maybe angry.

But it doesn’t sound like it’s him. And as a mum if two boys, both of which have SN and have been bullied, I don’t think it is a bad thing if they stand up for themselves if they are being picked on. Yes, you have to encourage them to find a teacher blah blah blah….but if he has pushed back, it isn’t a sign of a rotter. It’s normal behaviour.

Do the school know about your bereavement? I hope they are being very supportive to your son.

One thing I’d encourageis to refuse to talk about this outside of school with this mother. She sounds a PITA and honestly they can be bloody vile. Some parents think their kids are saints too. Keep referring back to the school. If she ambushed you again, stay calm and say you do not wish to discuss it with her but you will go back to the school and discuss it there.
Infirm the school if she bothers you again. I had to get our headteacher to pull a mum in twice who was spreading lies about my son in yr 1. Let the school deal with it.

You are doing brilliantly and little potato sounds like a lovely boy and you sound like a good, caring, aware and responsible mum.

Can your husband do pick up and drop offs for awhile? Have a look at the grey rock technique. Also box breathing. Both are good techniques to help you stay calm and deal with the horrible mum.

Much love to you

Gosh thank you so much. Husband is back doing pick up and drops off; I’m so sad as it was part of my therapy to go out, see the other mum friends and show littlepotato that mummy is ok. That woman destroyed all that in 2 minutes. I’m going to try and start it again with my husband next week, with him walking with us and then gradually me being alone again. I’ll definitely look at the grey rock technique if I see her again. I was really calm yesterday until I got to his teacher and classroom and had a huge panic attack.

School are aware of Bereavement. Well I say that, my sons speech and language assistant said I looked great for a heavily pregnant woman and I had to say the baby had died. Queue crying on the TEAMS call.

I’m honestly shocked littlepotato stood up for himself and fought back, he’s such a soft kid at home. I’ll happily admit littlepotato isn’t a saint as he is a biter when he’s pissed off but he would never start a fight. Never.

I’m a bit scared about walking around our village; only because I have blue and green hair and facial piercings, so easily recognisable. This mum all I can say is that she’s blonde and that’s it.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Im trying my best to give littlepotato a relaxed and happy home, and with everything that’s happened this year (I got sent off to work in covid again, I broke my leg, our baby passed away) I’m honestly losing the plot some times. I wish life in general would cut me some slack.

 

[nurseren]

Just wanted to give everyone an update, thank you so much for your advice and lovely words. I love this site.

I’ve stopped taking littlepotato to and from school, my anxiety and mental health just can’t cope. Husband has been taking him. Today husband saw the Mum in the playground, who was pointing at our son with another mum saying that we have taught him to “spit in a pandemic”.

Husband approached her in which she apologised, and husband explained that we had lost our daughter recently and her attitude and her approaching me has made me so poorly that I’m scared to leave the house. She apologised. Husband suggested that we need to think of an idea to keep our kids apart, as littlepotato has been upset by a photo of them. The mum flipped, called my husband a liar so husband suggested that they go into school to discuss it further.

Turns out it isn’t one boy, it’s twin boys and an older brother. So twins are going after littlepotato.

They sat down for over an hour in which the Mum is refusing to admit that her boys have instigated all of this, that littlepotato is the bully and is spitting on them as a) we taught him and b) because of their race. Husband explained that it’s not that, he’s blowing raspberries (littlepotato calls his spitting) to say no when he’s angry and littlepotato has no clue what race/racism is as he’s 4. Husband also said that if she’s saying that, then her boys are doing a hate crime as we are Jewish. Husband stated that we know littlepotato isn’t a perfect kid, in which the Mum said her 3 boys don’t fight at home or at school (????) and husband said that we are working on all the tools that have been given to us by school and SENCO to help littlepotatos speech so he doesn’t resort to pushing and hitting.

Mum is still at the school now, headteacher asked husband to leave as she was happy with everything he had said.

I just feel so drained and upset, I’m upset that this Mum truly believes that her kids are perfect and I’m upset and scared that littlepotato is scared at school.

 

[MaryX82]

Good on your husband for going and speaking to the silly witch.Good on your son for fighting back tbh but personally I would just take my child out of the school and leave her and her little tit head thugs there.This situation happened when we were younger a older boy(4years) tripped me in reception spat at my brother year 1 and few other things.My sister was in his year group so beat the tit out of him.We then moved schools.My mum was approached but a woman months later who said your the lady who took your kids out of school now that same boy had started to pick on her kids.Years later the bully has gone to prison for murder.But with all your other issues I would just move him and begin again.I don’t remember any of this bullying or changing schools at 32 so hopefully he won’t either.

 

[nurseren]

Good on your husband for going and speaking to the silly witch.Good on your son for fighting back tbh but personally I would just take my child out of the school and leave her and her little tit head thugs there.This situation happened when we were younger a older boy(4years) tripped me in reception spat at my brother year 1 and few other things.My sister was in his year group so beat the tit out of him.We then moved schools.My mum was approached but a woman months later who said your the lady who took your kids out of school now that same boy had started to pick on her kids.Years later the bully has gone to prison for murder.But with all your other issues I would just move him and begin again.I don’t remember any of this bullying or changing schools at 32 so hopefully he won’t either.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately this is the only school in the village and the nearest school is a few miles away, BUT we are moving to Staffordshire in the next few months so I do feel a bit better that we have the “upper hand” that I can take him out of that school if they don’t improve.

I’m a really diplomatic person and I’d rather not teach him to fight back, purely as for the past 12 months that we have worked with SENDCO, I have emphasised to use his words to express emotions rather than biting and hitting. However these kids are really pushing him back.

If it gets worse before we move, I might take him out of school and do home-schooling for a bit as I’m at home full time now. Rather not mind you

 

[didn't want to join]

@nurseren Your husband and you are doing the right things, for you self care is crucial, I have PTSD and there are some situations that are just best avoided.

It's not worth making yourself very ill over. The other party isn't worth your time, your health or anything more. I'm so sorry to hear about your Daughter at this difficult time, you really don't need this additional stress or upset.

I hope this won't sound wrong, I'm trying to find the right words here, it's so important for you to take some time for yourself and your Daughter, to have some quiet moments just for you. (I so hope that doesn't offend or upset you, it's not my intention at all).

I ended up home schooling my family for a couple of years, it took a long time for a diagnosis (Aspergers, as it was called, ASD now) and I grew angry and frustrated at how the lack of support was affecting them each.

It was a little difficult at that stage, (over 10 years ago) as there wasn't so much support or things to help. I felt quite alone in trying to do it, but I managed and when one of the kids decided they would like to try school once again, they went back with a higher reading age and in the top set.

Now it's a little easier to find online Tutor support (things for you to use to Teach, not for an actual Tutor) so if you want to bring your Son into Home ed, look up online support and consider it an option. Especially if you do move areas, this way, he would be getting one on one, which would help with his speech. He wouldn't have to deal with the current situation, or indeed yourselves. When you do move, it may take a little while to get into a school place, so you can take your time to settle him back in and as he is so young, that might help build his confidence going forward.

Sending you best wishes

 

[nurseren]

@nurseren Your husband and you are doing the right things, for you self care is crucial, I have PTSD and there are some situations that are just best avoided.

It's not worth making yourself very ill over. The other party isn't worth your time, your health or anything more. I'm so sorry to hear about your Daughter at this difficult time, you really don't need this additional stress or upset.

I hope this won't sound wrong, I'm trying to find the right words here, it's so important for you to take some time for yourself and your Daughter, to have some quiet moments just for you. (I so hope that doesn't offend or upset you, it's not my intention at all).

I ended up home schooling my family for a couple of years, it took a long time for a diagnosis (Aspergers, as it was called, ASD now) and I grew angry and frustrated at how the lack of support was affecting them each.

It was a little difficult at that stage, (over 10 years ago) as there wasn't so much support or things to help. I felt quite alone in trying to do it, but I managed and when one of the kids decided they would like to try school once again, they went back with a higher reading age and in the top set.

Now it's a little easier to find online Tutor support (things for you to use to Teach, not for an actual Tutor) so if you want to bring your Son into Home ed, look up online support and consider it an option. Especially if you do move areas, this way, he would be getting one on one, which would help with his speech. He wouldn't have to deal with the current situation, or indeed yourselves. When you do move, it may take a little while to get into a school place, so you can take your time to settle him back in and as he is so young, that might help build his confidence going forward.

Sending you best wishes

sorry I didn’t reply back sooner, but I absolutely love your comment and I just know you’re a kind person!

I am having quiet moment and saying No to things for the first time in my life. I work a selfless job and I’m a pretty selfless person, but I’m using my boundaries. A friend has asked me out to dinner on Friday and I’ve said no; I’m just not up to socialising for hours on a Friday night. She’s not happy by this mind you but I frankly don’t care.

weirdly I seriously considered homeschooling a few years ago as I’m not a fan of the huge class sizes in our area and the standard school system. But littlepotato loves school and I don’t want to take that away from him. It’s hard to get that balance. We aim to move around January time, and if I need him at home until a space is available, I’ll do so. I’m currently on maternity leave until Feb 22, but I can extend that to June 22 if I wish to.

further update!!!!

school have agreed that little potato was being bullied and following a incident where they trapped him in a Wendy house in the playground, the boys have been instructed to stay away from him. Husband and I requested an apology from the Mum to me, infront of the children for approaching me and upsetting me so we can show the children that adults have to say sorry too sometimes.

she refused.

 

[I’mThankyou_]

She is a bleep.
That is all.

I love you my virtual friend

 

[didn't want to join]

There is an expression = You can't educate pork. I feel that is probably the case when it comes to the other Parent. Now would have been the time to draw a line under this whole situation, but she's not even willing to do that, she's being really daft, frankly.

Over the years, I've had to say no thankyou, or I'm sorry I'm not well enough today to a lot of invitations, some friends get it, you know, they realise you aren't being rude to them, you just can't make it today. The good ones wait for you to be ready and that's wonderful. For the ones who don't get it, can't get it and make you feel bad, for "letting them down" well the exit awaits you and in losing those, it leaves room for decent friends to come into your life.

She is a bleep.
That is all.

I love you my virtual friend

I simply adore your vibe. You are spot on

 

[nurseren]

She is a bleep.
That is all.

I love you my virtual friend

i love you mostest

 

[Babyyoda88]

sorry I didn’t reply back sooner, but I absolutely love your comment and I just know you’re a kind person!

I am having quiet moment and saying No to things for the first time in my life. I work a selfless job and I’m a pretty selfless person, but I’m using my boundaries. A friend has asked me out to dinner on Friday and I’ve said no; I’m just not up to socialising for hours on a Friday night. She’s not happy by this mind you but I frankly don’t care.

weirdly I seriously considered homeschooling a few years ago as I’m not a fan of the huge class sizes in our area and the standard school system. But littlepotato loves school and I don’t want to take that away from him. It’s hard to get that balance. We aim to move around January time, and if I need him at home until a space is available, I’ll do so. I’m currently on maternity leave until Feb 22, but I can extend that to June 22 if I wish to.

further update!!!!

school have agreed that little potato was being bullied and following a incident where they trapped him in a Wendy house in the playground, the boys have been instructed to stay away from him. Husband and I requested an apology from the Mum to me, infront of the children for approaching me and upsetting me so we can show the children that adults have to say sorry too sometimes.

she refused.

That absolutely sums her up. What a role model she is for her children. Her and her kids need to absolutely stay the hell away from you and your family.
How are you doing after all that? X

 

[nurseren]

That absolutely sums her up. What a role model she is for her children. Her and her kids need to absolutely stay the hell away from you and your family.
How are you doing after all that? X

i feel so much better. I managed to walk him home from school today by myself, and I felt safe. I’m proud of myself.

I felt a bit cheeky when I asked the headmistress for an apology from her. I explained that I just wanted an apology for our children to understand, like her saying “I’m sorry I made you feel blue and made you cry, I should listen to you better” or something. Headmistress rang back within minutes and told me she wouldn’t agree to it god I wish I had that confidence that I believed my kid did nothing wrong!

 

[Babyyoda88]

i feel so much better. I managed to walk him home from school today by myself, and I felt safe. I’m proud of myself.

I felt a bit cheeky when I asked the headmistress for an apology from her. I explained that I just wanted an apology for our children to understand, like her saying “I’m sorry I made you feel blue and made you cry, I should listen to you better” or something. Headmistress rang back within minutes and told me she wouldn’t agree to it god I wish I had that confidence that I believed my kid did nothing wrong!

You should be proud, that’s really good and took a lot of confidence and bravery to do. That woman doesn’t deserve to make you feel unsafe in your own neighbourhood.

 

[bottombanana]

I think it’s amazing that after all of that you wanted the apology for a parenting moment. I think that speaks volumes about you as a person and parent! I 100% think your boy is going to be great as he grows up

 

[Prince fan 1999]

I'm so sorry your little boy is going through this. Wish I had some advice but we are going through similar at the moment and I do t know what to do

 

[judgejohndeed]

following a incident where they trapped him in a Wendy house in the playground, the boys have been instructed to stay away from him.

This honestly made me go so nasty. Hope your little boy is okay.