Brother in law.

[HumphreyB]

I think you should keep your nose out! It’s a loose loose for you no matter what you do. Continue helping them if it’s what you want to do and be happy in yourself that you are.

I have a friend who’s grievance with her inlaws and how differently they treat their kids has flat out almost destroyed her marriage.

 

[Petulant_vlogger]

I think you should keep your nose out! It’s a loose loose for you no matter what you do. Continue helping them if it’s what you want to do and be happy in yourself that you are.

I have a friend who’s grievance with her inlaws and how differently they treat their kids has flat out almost destroyed her marriage.

How awful! I would hate that. We are such a close family. I think that's why it bugs me as much as it does- because I adore my in laws. I wont say anything for now but if it begins to affect their health and well being then I will encourage my partner to have a word

 

[120clemon]

An example would be him literally saying that his parents are the most proud of him out of all the kids because he has a PhD. No irony just straight thinks that is the case. Idk it's just that after the first lockdown I went to see them and the house and garden were out of control messy and their were things falling apart. I asked if everything was okay and they said that things were fine but because nobody had been round, they hadn't had any help. I confronted BIL gently and said "this cupboard door is falling off why haven't you sorted it" and he said "I dont use tools". My 7 year old can use a screwdriver? It's a real "failure to launch" with him. I just want to know how to help him so his life can start and my parents in law can enjoy their retirement when it begins

The parents might actually feel that way unfair as that maybe. If they are not asking for your help, I would be very wary of getting too involved. Not everyone is ambitious or industrious or ends up with a perfect family of 2.5 kids and that is ok assuming they are making some effort to support themselves, abide by laws, etc. Though if your brother in law is really that adrift that you think it's something more pathological or mental health related, I think it could be helpful if a sibling he is closest to or together with the parents have a frank discussion about how he may seem lost and that the rest of family is open to helping him.

 

[Kim Mild]

Is it not strange that two adults who aren't yet retired need so much help to keep their house tidy and in a decent state of repair ( unless they were at work all the time through lockdown) .
Maybe they are just messy and things only get tidy when family comes round. Maybe he doesn't use tools cos he finds it difficult to use them . There are things like that it would be better for me to get someone else to so properly than make a tit job myself.

 

[Upintheair83]

My mums friend has a daughter who’s 30 and she’s never worked a day in her life or been to uni.
She’s just remained in her bedroom for the last 10+ years. She doesn’t even go to the local shops despite her mum being in poor health and knowing the risks of coronavirus.
It’s really bizarre as she hides upstairs whenever we have gone round in the past.
There’s been many a time me and my mum have wanted to say something, and raise our concerns how it’s not normal but we feel it’s not our place to comment.
It’s so hard when it’s not your household, this guy sounds like he’s talking advantage but maybe he has some sort of MH problems. But my advice would be don’t say anything, it’s ok say things about your own household/ family but people can take real offence if you say it about their own.
Just be supportive to your mil and fil.
Xx