by JetsetBabe / 83mo
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My entire weekend has been all about working.
I locked myself up in my “chamber”, with too much bad stuff to eat and heaps of green juice to keep my brain going (I don’t drink coffee you know). And I’ve been just sitting and typing. Typing and staring up the wall.
Sometimes I take a break from the haze of words and just sit by the window look at people passing on the streets. When I look at them I feel like my life has hit a serious “pause” button, although my friends keep giving me pep talk how well I am doing with my productivity. I then realise that this is what is called “hard work” and I can understand why so many choose to take the easy road in life.
A friend of mine gave me a call on the weekend, she shared the latest updates about a guy that she is seeing. He is rich of course and keep spoiling her with luxurious gifts. At one point he asked for her bank details and transferred 10k so she could pay off her debt.
She never asked for this, but he wanted to make her a nice gesture after she briefly mentioned her problem. I got genuinly happy for her because I knew how much she has been swearing about putting her self in this dept from the beginning and struggled to find a way out of it.
But after we hung up and I went back to my desk I couldn’t help but feel a little bit mellow. At first I thought I was jealous, kind of envying her journey. But then I realised it had nothing to do with her, but rather a sigh of my own up hill that I was experiencing. Doing things your own way without depending on any outside forces is a damn effort I must admit. Sometimes it is a F#### struggle like I am experiencing right now, especially during this time when nothing seems to be really progressing.
When everything is standing still is the most crucial time, a time when people usually feel like giving up. … and ohh I have moments when I just want to scrape whatever I am doing and go back to bed.
It is part of the journey, these downs… And I think they are just as important to speak about as my positive productivity reports I usually post. Because some days, like today, I do spend a lot of in front of my window, staring out and question myself.
Question my choices. No matter where I am in life right now, let it be “play” or “pause” – I have personally chosen it.
But each time I encounter these pits, it’s like some invisible force comes and gives me a slap on my face, telling me to continue this journey because “I just need to do it, stop questioning it”.
So on a day like today, on the greyest Sunday in a very long time, I go back to my computer and continue my work even if I feel I should be sitting in front of the tv.
But I choose not to. I rather get this over and done with. I am getting tired of this “phase 1″ when nothing is happening and the thoughts of quitting keeps piling up.
The sooner I’m out of the beginners phase, the sooner I will smell my goals coming.
…And honestly. When I remind myself how it will feel once I have accomplished my first goal, the phone conversation with my friend is long forgotten. My journey feels exciting all of a sudden.
But this gives me an important learning. And although I might have chosen this detour in life, I shall never think that detouring is “the right way” for everyone.
Because there is not right or wrong way. The short cut might be just as right for someone else as the detour is for me. Because at any time the short cut might turn in to a detour and the detour to a short cut. We can never know, we can never really be certain how life will turn out. And I will never judge again when people make different choices in life than myself.
Just wanted to share my Sunday thoughts and how it feels when life is grey…
//keep unread//hide
My entire weekend has been all about working.
I locked myself up in my “chamber”, with too much bad stuff to eat and heaps of green juice to keep my brain going (I don’t drink coffee you know). And I’ve been just sitting and typing. Typing and staring up the wall.
Sometimes I take a break from the haze of words and just sit by the window look at people passing on the streets. When I look at them I feel like my life has hit a serious “pause” button, although my friends keep giving me pep talk how well I am doing with my productivity. I then realise that this is what is called “hard work” and I can understand why so many choose to take the easy road in life.
A friend of mine gave me a call on the weekend, she shared the latest updates about a guy that she is seeing. He is rich of course and keep spoiling her with luxurious gifts. At one point he asked for her bank details and transferred 10k so she could pay off her debt.
She never asked for this, but he wanted to make her a nice gesture after she briefly mentioned her problem. I got genuinly happy for her because I knew how much she has been swearing about putting her self in this dept from the beginning and struggled to find a way out of it.
But after we hung up and I went back to my desk I couldn’t help but feel a little bit mellow. At first I thought I was jealous, kind of envying her journey. But then I realised it had nothing to do with her, but rather a sigh of my own up hill that I was experiencing. Doing things your own way without depending on any outside forces is a damn effort I must admit. Sometimes it is a F#### struggle like I am experiencing right now, especially during this time when nothing seems to be really progressing.
When everything is standing still is the most crucial time, a time when people usually feel like giving up. … and ohh I have moments when I just want to scrape whatever I am doing and go back to bed.
It is part of the journey, these downs… And I think they are just as important to speak about as my positive productivity reports I usually post. Because some days, like today, I do spend a lot of in front of my window, staring out and question myself.
Question my choices. No matter where I am in life right now, let it be “play” or “pause” – I have personally chosen it.
But each time I encounter these pits, it’s like some invisible force comes and gives me a slap on my face, telling me to continue this journey because “I just need to do it, stop questioning it”.
So on a day like today, on the greyest Sunday in a very long time, I go back to my computer and continue my work even if I feel I should be sitting in front of the tv.
But I choose not to. I rather get this over and done with. I am getting tired of this “phase 1″ when nothing is happening and the thoughts of quitting keeps piling up.
The sooner I’m out of the beginners phase, the sooner I will smell my goals coming.
…And honestly. When I remind myself how it will feel once I have accomplished my first goal, the phone conversation with my friend is long forgotten. My journey feels exciting all of a sudden.
But this gives me an important learning. And although I might have chosen this detour in life, I shall never think that detouring is “the right way” for everyone.
Because there is not right or wrong way. The short cut might be just as right for someone else as the detour is for me. Because at any time the short cut might turn in to a detour and the detour to a short cut. We can never know, we can never really be certain how life will turn out. And I will never judge again when people make different choices in life than myself.
Just wanted to share my Sunday thoughts and how it feels when life is grey…