Advice needed

[rubyred66]

Hi, I have a situation where advice is needed. Usually I’m good at giving advice but when it’s a dilemma I like to get some other peoples views.
To give background I am now on good terms with my ex husband we have two grown up kids and we divorced a long time ago.

We met recently for coffee and he has mentioned as our children are grown up he has made a will but he has stated that he believes family’s fight and squabble over money and that he doesn’t believe in entitlement. To that end, he has decided to leave the home to his current wife and in the event of her death all estate goes to charity. He believes the kids should be self sufficient and not entitled. He has said he is not communicating that to them and if I want to have that conversation with them then I should.

My question is, should I tell my son and daughter or just keep my nose out? My ex husband has had a recent bout of ill health and I think he is just conscious of things. I’d like to know other peoples thoughts?

 

[Kandy floss]

Hi, I have a situation where advice is needed. Usually I’m good at giving advice but when it’s a dilemma I like to get some other peoples views.
To give background I am now on good terms with my ex husband we have two grown up kids and we divorced a long time ago.

We met recently for coffee and he has mentioned as our children are grown up he has made a will but he has stated that he believes family’s fight and squabble over money and that he doesn’t believe in entitlement. To that end, he has decided to leave the home to his current wife and in the event of her death all estate goes to charity. He believes the kids should be self sufficient and not entitled. He has said he is not communicating that to them and if I want to have that conversation with them then I should.

My question is, should I tell my son and daughter or just keep my nose out? My ex husband has had a recent bout of ill health and I think he is just conscious of things. I’d like to know other peoples thoughts?

It’s his decision to leave his estate how he likes so I wouldn’t mention it.

Your children would be eligible to make a claim if they believe they should have received something from his estate.

 

[rubyred66]

It’s his decision to leave his estate how he likes so I wouldn’t mention it.

Your children would be eligible to make a claim if they believe they should have received something from his estate.

I agree and that’s my thought. If he gifts the estate to a charity. Then rightfully so all the estate should go to that charity.

 

[Maisie842]

In answer to your question, if it were me, I think I would mention in to them. It’s a really difficult one because of course inheritance isn’t guaranteed nor should be expected but if he was to pass, it might come as a bit of a shock if he hadn’t himself mentioned it, and they might wonder why he opted to leave his estate to his wife but opted specifically not to leave it to them should she pre decease him. That might be quite a difficult thing for them to hear and deal with, and when that time comes, it would be especially difficult having to cope with that along with the loss of their dad.

I think pre-warned and pre-armed is better, and if your ex-husband is of the belief that money causes squabbles, I think perhaps it could actually cause some bigger issues doing it this way.

I don’t believe personally it is your responsibility, and he should be the one to explain his intentions.

 

[rubyred66]

In answer to your question, if it were me, I think I would mention in to them. It’s a really difficult one because of course inheritance isn’t guaranteed nor should be expected but if he was to pass, it might come as a bit of a shock if he hadn’t himself mentioned it, and they might wonder why he opted to leave his estate to his wife but opted specifically not to leave it to them should she pre decease him. That might be quite a difficult thing for them to hear and deal with, and when that time comes, it would be especially difficult having to cope with that along with the loss of their dad.

I think pre-warned and pre-armed is better, and if your ex-husband is of the belief that money causes squabbles, I think perhaps it could actually cause some bigger issues doing it this way.

I don’t believe personally it is your responsibility, and he should be the one to explain his intentions.

I feel it’s his duty to explain it but I feel like he wont and it will all be left to me.

 

[Maisie842]

I feel it’s his duty to explain it but I feel like he wont and it will all be left to me.

I agree. I don’t think it’s fair that it’s down to you and I have my own opinions on his decisions, and I think it’s very unfair, but I’m not sure what you can do at this point.
My advice would just be there for your children and support them the best you can. You can only control your decisions, and be there for them when a decision is out of your hands x

 

[Kim Mild]

I'm not sure why he has told you and because this knowledge just seems to be a burden.
Surely if his wife survives him , anything she inherits will be hers to do with as she pleases , if he survives her, his assets could be used to pay for a care home if he needs that in the future.

I wouldn't tell your children about what's in his will , no , as none of what he had written may be exactly applicable at the time. However, I would perhaps make them aware their father doesn't believe in entitlement. I would also ask ex for clarification about if he will leave any belongings like trinkets / jewellery etc to his children.

 

[laughing]

It's his will, let him explain to his kids

 

[Rxt156]

Can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want their kids to have some money after they die. (Plz don’t quote me and argue I don’t care) I think it is absolutely savage not to leave behind something for your kids.

Although I do know a woman that left £850k to charity instead of her family coz she hated everyone

I think they will be PISSED OFF and rightly so when they find out which is why he’s not telling them. I think they need to know so they can take their anger out on him before he’s dust

 

[Clickbait]

Totally his choice, but I think it’s wrong he doesn’t explain this to them, and it strikes me he’s told you as he’d rather you passed on the news to them.

Does his current wife have any children or family? Is there much of an age difference? Understand why he’d want her to be provided for if they share a house which possibly has a mortgage etc. but to not leave anything at all to his children strikes me as a little unfair.

 

[rubyred66]

Totally his choice, but I think it’s wrong he doesn’t explain this to them, and it strikes me he’s told you as he’d rather you passed on the news to them.

Does his current wife have any children or family? Is there much of an age difference? Understand why he’d want her to be provided for if they share a house which possibly has a mortgage etc. but to not leave anything at all to his children strikes me as a little unfair.

His current wife doesn’t have any children and there’s not a big age gap between them. If they both passed away the idea would be to leave estates to charities.
Thank you for everyone who has given their advice so far.

 

[bourb0nbiscuits]

I think he should explain to his children and take responsibility for his decision. Unfair of him to tell you and to let you have that knowledge because if he did die and they knew that you knew and hadn’t said anything they will I think feel angry that you hadn’t done/ made them aware about the situation?