Adoption

[ScorpioMoon]

Anyone going through or has been through the adoption process?

I'm currently in stage 2 with my DW, due to go to panel in October! We've received our PAR today so need to correct that this weekend and already our social worker appears to be putting interest into profiles on linkmaker, absolutely nervewracking after 8 years of TTC, it's so close!

 

[MycatElvis]

Hi there
First of all I'd like to say THANK YOU!
My husband was adopted 49 years ago ( sorry if I'm way off with what you require from this thread ).. But.. my husband has had the most wonderful childhood with his parents . They adopted him in 1972 and he's eternally grateful for the choices and privileges they gave him. Back then there was a bit of a stigma for ' looked after children ' but his mum and dad protected, nurtured and loved him with every fibre of their being.

 

[ScorpioMoon]

Oh that's lovely to hear! I hope my child will feel the same when they become an adult!

 

[DoolinEnnis]

Yes been through it. Do a lot of reading from adoptees perspectives if you can. You’ll finf everyone has an opinion but without going through the process it’s not as straightforward as people expect. Adoption is very focused on adopters point of view and there is alot of virtue signalling (oh what good people you are etc.) which demonstrates a lack of education on how traumatic adoption can be for children and families. Keep an open mind & when intros happen (unless you are doing F2A) take the opportunity to sleep! I find alot if adoption accounts on social media only talk about how good life is without being realistic, not sure if I can suggest other insta accounts but there some very informative ones.

 

[Angrysue_]

Happy to have found this page.
I recently found out my wife has cheated on me and we in the process of IUI/IVF treatment with difficulties ( same sex marriage ). I am going to start exploring adoption, any tips and support would be massively appreciated, I feel like I'm a lost soul and don't know where to start

 

[Tide'sout]

Happy to have found this page.
I recently found out my wife has cheated on me and we in the process of IUI/IVF treatment with difficulties ( same sex marriage ). I am going to start exploring adoption, any tips and support would be massively appreciated, I feel like I'm a lost soul and don't know where to start

Sorry to hear your wife cheated. You will need to resolve your relationship issues before you can even consider the first steps, be it together or going it alone. Head over to Adoption UK for a wealth of information.

 

[boomclap]

Happy to have found this page.
I recently found out my wife has cheated on me and we in the process of IUI/IVF treatment with difficulties ( same sex marriage ). I am going to start exploring adoption, any tips and support would be massively appreciated, I feel like I'm a lost soul and don't know where to start

I nearly adopted. Its a difficult process. Social workers are overworked and as such they miss things in kids backgrounds which can prove, as with us to breakdown.
I dont want to pour piss, i know people who've done it and its worked out and been the best. But i have to tell you what I needed to hear. It doesnt always work out. They dont even report on disruptions in a meaningful way!
If youre going to persue it, make sure you are 100% confident in yourself as you may come across foster carers and social workers who condescend and try to push you into something which doesnt feel right.
I know this sounds horribly negative but I really just want people to go into it with more balance than we did. We trusted the professionals and they let us down.

 

[Angrysue_]

I nearly adopted. Its a difficult process. Social workers are overworked and as such they miss things in kids backgrounds which can prove, as with us to breakdown.
I dont want to pour piss, i know people who've done it and its worked out and been the best. But i have to tell you what I needed to hear. It doesnt always work out. They dont even report on disruptions in a meaningful way!
If youre going to persue it, make sure you are 100% confident in yourself as you may come across foster carers and social workers who condescend and try to push you into something which doesnt feel right.
I know this sounds horribly negative but I really just want people to go into it with more balance than we did. We trusted the professionals and they let us down.

That's so tit to here. I thought it would be supportive with it being such a big deal ! I am literally just at the making the enquiry stage so haven't experienced anything if then yet, I know I'm going to have to jump through hoops which I'm prepared to do but I'll struggle not to tell them to f*CK off if they were ignorant or questioning my ability!!

Hope your ok xxx

 

[Meg78]

Is anyone still watching this thread? We’ve been seriously considering fostering to adopt, but it’s a bit overwhelming and hard to know what to do for the best. Has anyone been through this process, either as the adopter or the adoptee?

 

[suddenly_monday]

I nearly adopted. Its a difficult process. Social workers are overworked and as such they miss things in kids backgrounds which can prove, as with us to breakdown.
I dont want to pour piss, i know people who've done it and its worked out and been the best. But i have to tell you what I needed to hear. It doesnt always work out. They dont even report on disruptions in a meaningful way!
If youre going to persue it, make sure you are 100% confident in yourself as you may come across foster carers and social workers who condescend and try to push you into something which doesnt feel right.
I know this sounds horribly negative but I really just want people to go into it with more balance than we did. We trusted the professionals and they let us down.

So sorry to hear this, are you still exploring the option or has your experience put you off? X
---

Is anyone still watching this thread? We’ve been seriously considering fostering to adopt, but it’s a bit overwhelming and hard to know what to do for the best. Has anyone been through this process, either as the adopter or the adoptee?

We are going through the adoption process (Scotland) we spoke to local authorities and agencies and decided an agency suited us best. We are just getting ready to go to the prep groups which is when we hear the harsh and brutal reality of what we are facing. Over 50% of people drop out after the prep groups apparently.
We are looking to adopt an older child 3/4 years old (any child over 2 is classed as older )
We were presented with F2A but we have a 5yo and have done the baby stage so prefer older. I know that 80-90% of children stay with the foster families then get adopted with F2A but the uncertainty put us off it as it’s no fair on our LO.

good luck xx

 

[Tretps29]

I’m glad someone mentioned the virtue signalling which tends to be from non adopters
We are looking into adoption and when we have mentioned it to people their reaction is always this condescending’well done’ or wow
It’s hard to explain
I find it embarrassing and don’t know what to say. My husband and I are kind and loving people but we’re not saints for considering adoption.
We’re not doing it to look good or feel better

 

[Curious_Cat]

Sorry to post on here but this is the closest related topic and I can't start my own thread. I'm about to embark on the Step-Parent Adoption process... I've read absolutely all the information online, but really I wanted to to see if I could find anyone else who has been through it? Nice to hear from others who have walked in your shoes. I will very soon be applying to adopt my step-son (though I've been calling him my son for years). He has zero contact with his birth mother, his father raised him single-handedly from an early age and I've lived with him for almost 5 years and now married his dad... Thank you for any advice or info anyone can share!

 

[Meg78]

Hey everyone! How are you all getting on with your adoptions? Did anyone bring a little one home? We’re only in stage 1 and wanting to do early permanence, I’m struggling with guilt around narrowing down our preferences, we’ve said no to a few things and it’s keeping me up at night that I feel like I’m shopping for a child! Is is normal to feel so guilty for saying no?