hi everyone, i would appreciate some objective advice for this very strange situation i have found myself in
thank you to anyone who has read this and i would appreciate any thoughts or advice
my dad's family lives in another country. his mom (our grandma) and his brother (our uncle)
our uncle divorced his wife a few years ago but they never explained why - our dad is quite a shy and reserved person and does not have a deep relationship with his brother where they would have meaningful conversations - therefore we don't know the details and obviously we live far away
uncle and partner have 2 kids - our 2 cousins
after some time they stopped talking to him, we didn't know any details as it was not ''texting material'', uncle got a new gf, assumed they didn't like that
cousins stopped visiting grandma too - we felt bad for grandma as she is old and not healthy and alone as grandpa died years ago
a few months ago uncle moved with his gf to a different city
our uncle divorced his wife a few years ago but they never explained why - our dad is quite a shy and reserved person and does not have a deep relationship with his brother where they would have meaningful conversations - therefore we don't know the details and obviously we live far away
uncle and partner have 2 kids - our 2 cousins
after some time they stopped talking to him, we didn't know any details as it was not ''texting material'', uncle got a new gf, assumed they didn't like that
cousins stopped visiting grandma too - we felt bad for grandma as she is old and not healthy and alone as grandpa died years ago
a few months ago uncle moved with his gf to a different city
we are now visiting our grandma in that country (just me and my sister)
before today, i had sometimes seen a colder side to my uncle and once a temper, but that is all
however this time we saw him very briefly as he doesn't live in the same town and he was very different and cold
then today we met our cousins and finally talked about all this. they told us some terrible things about what happened following the divorce and that he was shouting at them all the time, having a temper and even kicked them out a few times, saying they are not his sons anymore
he got a gf (before current one) and moved her in and told the sons to sleep on the couch, and many other things
they tried fixing the relationship a few times but then a breaking point happened
almost a year ago now, my uncle beat up his current girlfriend
she ended up in hospital and he in prison... they stayed together and moved away because in a small town everyone found out
i don't even have to say that i see him in a completely different light now. i don't know how to talk to him, i don't want to see him. i am scared for her
this is why they stopped visiting grandma - she doesn't know this, it would kill her. we can't tell her. but she always speaks highly of him and tells them to see him. it is difficult to hide that from her then
i am sure i should not tell grandma, my cousins and sister agree. i will tell my mom and we will discuss what to do. i was thinking is it our responsibility to report this somehow? but obviously it has been reported, he was in jail and released. it is known
my question is - should we tell our dad? it's his little brother, it will break his heart. trouble is, two weeks after we go home, dad is coming to visit grandma. we are trying to fill out time for her especially around the holidays. and obviously at some point he will see his brother. and if we do tell him should it be before or after?
i am getting married next year and i invited all of them, just wanted cousins to sit separately from uncle and the gf - now i don't want my uncle there. i don't want to see him. and i don't want trouble! so that's another question
i just found out today so sorry if some things don't make sense or sound harsh or if i am doing something wrong. i am still in shock and processing and grieving the person i thought he was.
before today, i had sometimes seen a colder side to my uncle and once a temper, but that is all
however this time we saw him very briefly as he doesn't live in the same town and he was very different and cold
then today we met our cousins and finally talked about all this. they told us some terrible things about what happened following the divorce and that he was shouting at them all the time, having a temper and even kicked them out a few times, saying they are not his sons anymore
he got a gf (before current one) and moved her in and told the sons to sleep on the couch, and many other things
they tried fixing the relationship a few times but then a breaking point happened
almost a year ago now, my uncle beat up his current girlfriend
she ended up in hospital and he in prison... they stayed together and moved away because in a small town everyone found outi don't even have to say that i see him in a completely different light now. i don't know how to talk to him, i don't want to see him. i am scared for her
this is why they stopped visiting grandma - she doesn't know this, it would kill her. we can't tell her. but she always speaks highly of him and tells them to see him. it is difficult to hide that from her then
i am sure i should not tell grandma, my cousins and sister agree. i will tell my mom and we will discuss what to do. i was thinking is it our responsibility to report this somehow? but obviously it has been reported, he was in jail and released. it is known
my question is - should we tell our dad? it's his little brother, it will break his heart. trouble is, two weeks after we go home, dad is coming to visit grandma. we are trying to fill out time for her especially around the holidays. and obviously at some point he will see his brother. and if we do tell him should it be before or after?
i am getting married next year and i invited all of them, just wanted cousins to sit separately from uncle and the gf - now i don't want my uncle there. i don't want to see him. and i don't want trouble! so that's another question
i just found out today so sorry if some things don't make sense or sound harsh or if i am doing something wrong. i am still in shock and processing and grieving the person i thought he was.
thank you to anyone who has read this and i would appreciate any thoughts or advice
we asked our cousins multiple times if he ever did something like that before, they said no
also, if we do tell our dad, how should we do it? it will literally break him
i feel terrible
also, if we do tell our dad, how should we do it? it will literally break him
i feel terrible
