celestinamarchbanks
Member
Swipeupyouguys
VIP Member
I typed out an entire recap and lost it twice.
Sophie must have cursed my cheap but previously very reliable phone. This might be a bit jumbled but here goes!
THREAD LIFT/NO SURGERY EVER AGAIN - EXCEPT FOR...
Sophie had a forehead thread lift to deal with sagging, tired, hooded or normal looking (?) eyes. It did not end well, something twanged across her cranium, lots of insta stories detailing acute pain and a callous brush off from the original clinic likely as she had already paid them. Sophie took her credit card off to another place where thankfully she had funds to have treatment there to break up the threads (via sonic waves? Unsure)
She had seen the light! A flurry of evangelical stories followed where she vowed never to bother with surgery again. Just botox and filler.
Fast forward to quarantine (before an important business trip) or quzza as newly New Zelander Sophie took to calling it and she was contemplating a forehead reduction surgery. A tummy tuck of the forehead so to speak, apparently it's a thing as many women want to reduce head space and save money on the amount of foundation they need. Sophie created a tikt0k that sort of went viral with portion of her head shaded in with eyeshadow.
THE GREAT CULL OF CASA DE TANGO
Sophie has been selling virtually everything she has ever bought (with a huge press discount) or been given for free by brands. Lots of new year new me talk, but could it just be that these things no longer fit???
Items that the majority of us would have washed and donated to a clothes bank appeared on her Instagram stories for close to the recommended retail value for her salivating fans to buy. Loyal subjects were instructed to pay promptly -this let's be real here, a total stranger- via PayPal friends and family so Sophie could avoid incurring 'silly and annoying fees' from paypal, and shoppers could rid themselves of the shackles of buyer protection or the possibility of a refund. Subject's were informed that things were lightly worn and just needed a wash, why she wasn't washing them prior to selling was neatly side stepped but determined to be too much effort inbetween binge watching And just like that and below deck marathons. Any proof of the sales occurring was swiftly removed from Instagram stories to remove evidence for those pesky HRMC trolls. That combined with the mammoth task of packing, labelling and then posting said items was quickly revealed to be way, way to much work for this little thirty one year old lady to undertake solo. Thus the bat signal was thrown up and Mother Milner raced down the motorway from the Midlands to undertake the grunt work.
Furniture that has also clearly seem better days was included in the mass cull. A tattler came forward to admit the had once bought a cardigan from a previous wardrobe clearout and it was as grotty, unwashed and poor quality as feared by the majority of us here. Was it fake tanned stained?
Gemma has disappeared and been replaced with uber privileged new social media mates, who seem to be planning to open some sort of virtual social media school.
Tango tits wants new smaller implants to give her a better silhouette and go make it easier to fit into clothes. Yes, that's the reason to have another general anesthetic and surgery. Not sure of Chanel do a range of monogrammed implants - anyone know.
Sophie informed her viewers she currently has no filler ls in her face aside from the smidgen under her eyes.
Natural is best, buy the gua sha with her code guys.
SOFA
Her free sofa needed reupholstering, not sure why after only a year or so. Tell us Sophie, is the quality shit and we should save our money? Is it covered in Henny's wee and fake tan stains?
Some idiot reached out and agreed to reupholster said ugly sofa.
HENNY
The yapping fluffball of joy has bad skin again, Sophie is aghast as it will limit his earning power and ruin her aesthetic. Hendrix ever so briefly became the main breadwinner in his new role as fluffy accessory.
He lives part time at her parents/ sister's home to enable Sophie to chase the D around Bali. Owner of said D Jimmy seems reluctant to revisit the glorious British Isles again after spending most of his last trip in lockdown at Sophie's filthy flat, being denied bread (she cannot have it in the flat) and nursing her through a 10k rhinoplasty.
BALI CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR
Sophie and Jimmy went business class (to avoid the plebs ick) on a very, very important business trip for business people. Holidays were still (are still) not permitted by Indonesia in an attempt to control the covid 19 variants, but Sophie needed some sun, and Jimmy wasn't willing to waste more time at Casa da Tango tidying up and blowing on Hendrix's face. So, the business Bali trip for business people that she undertook over Christmas and New Year...that busy business time of year.
We saw her undertake the important business of getting her nails done, getting longer hair extensions sewn in, buying an open fronted visor for the moped and taking photos (this could be the business part of the trip but it's a hard sell)
Jimmy was struck down with a mystery illness. Sophie responded naturally by rushing out to buy emergency supplies of fake tan at a small local Bali establishment called Sephora.
Debuted her abdominal liposuction torso, now the proud owner of a six pack which sort of resembles a turtle's shell. Also an arse that looks like it has had something injected into it, but not a BBL. Sophie hates people asking, only fire emoji s are allowed under her showing it off.
Jimmy and Sophie then unfollowed one another on insta leading to speculation that this could be break up number nine. Perhaps falling victim to the Bali couples curse?
New bouji air b n b and they re-foÄŗlwed each other - phew. All is well with loves young (ish) dream.
NEW LOOK DOLLAR
Our girl scored an edit with new look by shilling a collection of their dead stock. A Great score for an influencer to be fair, and she marked the occasion by buying another identical Chanel bag. (SCREAMS in poor, they're not for the likes of you)
She hasn't actually worn her edit outside of the pr photos, but that's the way of Sophie. Not after a repeat deal I guess.
BACK TO THE BEACH
Sophie is planning to go back to chase D around Bali for a fortnight soon. She is concerned about her carbon footprint, it's just too small currently. Also made the statement that if she had a baby it would only be in Bali as its great for families.
Good luck with that one Jimmy, hope your back is up to the strain.
Oh, doesn't like being asked how to style items (ankle boots for short legs) in her self appointed role as a fashion influencer?
Go figure.
Sophie must have cursed my cheap but previously very reliable phone. This might be a bit jumbled but here goes!
THREAD LIFT/NO SURGERY EVER AGAIN - EXCEPT FOR...
Sophie had a forehead thread lift to deal with sagging, tired, hooded or normal looking (?) eyes. It did not end well, something twanged across her cranium, lots of insta stories detailing acute pain and a callous brush off from the original clinic likely as she had already paid them. Sophie took her credit card off to another place where thankfully she had funds to have treatment there to break up the threads (via sonic waves? Unsure)
She had seen the light! A flurry of evangelical stories followed where she vowed never to bother with surgery again. Just botox and filler.
Fast forward to quarantine (before an important business trip) or quzza as newly New Zelander Sophie took to calling it and she was contemplating a forehead reduction surgery. A tummy tuck of the forehead so to speak, apparently it's a thing as many women want to reduce head space and save money on the amount of foundation they need. Sophie created a tikt0k that sort of went viral with portion of her head shaded in with eyeshadow.
THE GREAT CULL OF CASA DE TANGO
Sophie has been selling virtually everything she has ever bought (with a huge press discount) or been given for free by brands. Lots of new year new me talk, but could it just be that these things no longer fit???
Items that the majority of us would have washed and donated to a clothes bank appeared on her Instagram stories for close to the recommended retail value for her salivating fans to buy. Loyal subjects were instructed to pay promptly -this let's be real here, a total stranger- via PayPal friends and family so Sophie could avoid incurring 'silly and annoying fees' from paypal, and shoppers could rid themselves of the shackles of buyer protection or the possibility of a refund. Subject's were informed that things were lightly worn and just needed a wash, why she wasn't washing them prior to selling was neatly side stepped but determined to be too much effort inbetween binge watching And just like that and below deck marathons. Any proof of the sales occurring was swiftly removed from Instagram stories to remove evidence for those pesky HRMC trolls. That combined with the mammoth task of packing, labelling and then posting said items was quickly revealed to be way, way to much work for this little thirty one year old lady to undertake solo. Thus the bat signal was thrown up and Mother Milner raced down the motorway from the Midlands to undertake the grunt work.
Furniture that has also clearly seem better days was included in the mass cull. A tattler came forward to admit the had once bought a cardigan from a previous wardrobe clearout and it was as grotty, unwashed and poor quality as feared by the majority of us here. Was it fake tanned stained?
Gemma has disappeared and been replaced with uber privileged new social media mates, who seem to be planning to open some sort of virtual social media school.
Tango tits wants new smaller implants to give her a better silhouette and go make it easier to fit into clothes. Yes, that's the reason to have another general anesthetic and surgery. Not sure of Chanel do a range of monogrammed implants - anyone know.
Sophie informed her viewers she currently has no filler ls in her face aside from the smidgen under her eyes.
Natural is best, buy the gua sha with her code guys.
SOFA
Her free sofa needed reupholstering, not sure why after only a year or so. Tell us Sophie, is the quality shit and we should save our money? Is it covered in Henny's wee and fake tan stains?
Some idiot reached out and agreed to reupholster said ugly sofa.
HENNY
The yapping fluffball of joy has bad skin again, Sophie is aghast as it will limit his earning power and ruin her aesthetic. Hendrix ever so briefly became the main breadwinner in his new role as fluffy accessory.
He lives part time at her parents/ sister's home to enable Sophie to chase the D around Bali. Owner of said D Jimmy seems reluctant to revisit the glorious British Isles again after spending most of his last trip in lockdown at Sophie's filthy flat, being denied bread (she cannot have it in the flat) and nursing her through a 10k rhinoplasty.
BALI CHRISTMAS and NEW YEAR
Sophie and Jimmy went business class (to avoid the plebs ick) on a very, very important business trip for business people. Holidays were still (are still) not permitted by Indonesia in an attempt to control the covid 19 variants, but Sophie needed some sun, and Jimmy wasn't willing to waste more time at Casa da Tango tidying up and blowing on Hendrix's face. So, the business Bali trip for business people that she undertook over Christmas and New Year...that busy business time of year.
We saw her undertake the important business of getting her nails done, getting longer hair extensions sewn in, buying an open fronted visor for the moped and taking photos (this could be the business part of the trip but it's a hard sell)
Jimmy was struck down with a mystery illness. Sophie responded naturally by rushing out to buy emergency supplies of fake tan at a small local Bali establishment called Sephora.
Debuted her abdominal liposuction torso, now the proud owner of a six pack which sort of resembles a turtle's shell. Also an arse that looks like it has had something injected into it, but not a BBL. Sophie hates people asking, only fire emoji s are allowed under her showing it off.
Jimmy and Sophie then unfollowed one another on insta leading to speculation that this could be break up number nine. Perhaps falling victim to the Bali couples curse?
New bouji air b n b and they re-foÄŗlwed each other - phew. All is well with loves young (ish) dream.
NEW LOOK DOLLAR
Our girl scored an edit with new look by shilling a collection of their dead stock. A Great score for an influencer to be fair, and she marked the occasion by buying another identical Chanel bag. (SCREAMS in poor, they're not for the likes of you)
She hasn't actually worn her edit outside of the pr photos, but that's the way of Sophie. Not after a repeat deal I guess.
BACK TO THE BEACH
Sophie is planning to go back to chase D around Bali for a fortnight soon. She is concerned about her carbon footprint, it's just too small currently. Also made the statement that if she had a baby it would only be in Bali as its great for families.
Good luck with that one Jimmy, hope your back is up to the strain.
Oh, doesn't like being asked how to style items (ankle boots for short legs) in her self appointed role as a fashion influencer?
Go figure.
angelashrute2000
Member
Whilst Sophie is clearly shallow and vain, she doesnāt have to want to have children just because you think they make life worth living. There are studies that show that unmarried, childless women are the happiest subgroup of society so sheās not wrong in what sheās saying. You may not agree but having children is not the only thing that makes life worthwhile.
Montana90
Active member
Made me laugh when she said last week that London was empty because everyone was at Coachella. No hun, it was probably because it was the fcking Easter Holidays for a lot of families
we donāt all live in this influencer bubble.