Dating after lockdown #36 Have you dated a man? You may be entitled to compensation.

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

How long would you guys wait until your last text message with a guy to consider it ghosting?

I went on three dates with a guy from Bumble (after saying I'd dedicate this year to academia ), he seemed genuinely nice and helped me a lot with some technical difficulties I was facing. He dedicated a lot of time to researching possible solutions and called a bunch of services before even meeting me, which was a huge plus in my book. However, our last date was on Wednesday and it was quite brief in comparison. He talked about us going to the gym together this weekend and going out to his favourite restaurant, but I haven't heard from him since Thursday when I initiated contact and we exchanged like two messages. Meanwhile, he's active on Instagram.

Should I bin him already or wait a while?

 

[Blueblue123]

How long would you guys wait until your last text message with a guy to consider it ghosting?

I went on three dates with a guy from Bumble (after saying I'd dedicate this year to academia ), he seemed genuinely nice and helped me a lot with some technical difficulties I was facing. He dedicated a lot of time to researching possible solutions and called a bunch of services before even meeting me, which was a huge plus in my book. However, our last date was on Wednesday and it was quite brief in comparison. He talked about us going to the gym together this weekend and going out to his favourite restaurant, but I haven't heard from him since Thursday when I initiated contact and we exchanged like two messages. Meanwhile, he's active on Instagram.

Should I bin him already or wait a while?

What was your communication like before the date and why is the length of the last date making you think something is wrong?

It's less about how much time it's been and more about him suggesting plans for this weekend then not actually speaking to you.

It seems like he might be doing a slow fade by responding when you message but not actually making effort himself, probably hoping you'll end things.

You can try asking if anything is wrong but I don't think you should wait it out.

 

[harveydean]

How long would you guys wait until your last text message with a guy to consider it ghosting?

I went on three dates with a guy from Bumble (after saying I'd dedicate this year to academia ), he seemed genuinely nice and helped me a lot with some technical difficulties I was facing. He dedicated a lot of time to researching possible solutions and called a bunch of services before even meeting me, which was a huge plus in my book. However, our last date was on Wednesday and it was quite brief in comparison. He talked about us going to the gym together this weekend and going out to his favourite restaurant, but I haven't heard from him since Thursday when I initiated contact and we exchanged like two messages. Meanwhile, he's active on Instagram.

Should I bin him already or wait a while?

I always remember that if they wanted to they would. Sometimes things just fizzle out.

Event guy and I were meant to meet for lunch and go to a mutual friends party this afternoon. I haven’t heard from him in 2 days (I’m not chasing) and I’m feeling fine about it - I’m going anyway and have been busy today anyway. I’m just a bit annoyed as we’re meant to be going to an event together in a week. He’s put everything on me and I told him the other day that I’m not his mother and he needs to sort himself out. I’m actually hoping he decides not to go as I have friends going anyway and l will be having a fab time anyway. When we do speak I’m going to suggest he makes his own way there.

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

What was your communication like before the date and why is the length of the last date making you think something is wrong?

It's less about how much time it's been and more about him suggesting plans for this weekend then not actually speaking to you.

It seems like he might be doing a slow fade by responding when you message but not actually making effort himself, probably hoping you'll end things.

You can try asking if anything is wrong but I don't think you should wait it out.

We talked every day prior to this, he was the one initiating most conversations. The length of the last date didn't bother me, I'm just confused because he was very apologetic about not being able to spend the entire evening with me (he had a birthday dinner to attend) and proceeded to make plans for this weekend but has disappeared since. Why would he mention these plans if he planned on slow fading me, this was just three days ago. Men are so confusing.

 

[HelloStereo]

We talked every day prior to this, he was the one initiating most conversations. The length of the last date didn't bother me, I'm just confused because he was very apologetic about not being able to spend the entire evening with me (he had a birthday dinner to attend) and proceeded to make plans for this weekend but has disappeared since. Why would he mention these plans if he planned on slow fading me, this was just three days ago. Men are so confusing.

Maybe he suggested these plans to make it feel less awkward that the date was brief.

I think that he's not responding as often despite being online isn't a great sign. If he was keen to follow through with plans with you this weekend he would have replied.

 

[Blueblue123]

We talked every day prior to this, he was the one initiating most conversations. The length of the last date didn't bother me, I'm just confused because he was very apologetic about not being able to spend the entire evening with me (he had a birthday dinner to attend) and proceeded to make plans for this weekend but has disappeared since. Why would he mention these plans if he planned on slow fading me, this was just three days ago. Men are so confusing.

Gotcha. Thought you meant the date ended abruptly and something during happened for him to be weird after.

Not that it'd be an excuse for him barely speaking to you. Especially if he's active on Instagram.

If he's not slow fading and he just can't meet this weekend, it's still pretty bad of him not to say anything.

A man who can't communicate isn't worth your time.

 

[Mr.Mistoffelees]

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I think I figured out what's going on. I logged onto Bumble from my desktop because I deleted the apps and noticed changes in his location since I last saw his profile. On our first date, he claimed he'd deleted the apps. My friend told me location changes indicate that he's been active. Him meeting someone else would explain his behaviour. Sucks but at least I didn't waste too much time.

 

[harveydean]

Event guy called and apparently we had plans so we’re meeting and going to the party together. I gave him a piece of my mind and told him drinks are on him.

 

[adventureisoutthere]

Thanks for the advice, everyone.

I think I figured out what's going on. I logged onto Bumble from my desktop because I deleted the apps and noticed changes in his location since I last saw his profile. On our first date, he claimed he'd deleted the apps. My friend told me location changes indicate that he's been active. Him meeting someone else would explain his behaviour. Sucks but at least I didn't waste too much time.

I do believe that we can’t shun them for meeting other people after only a few dates because they could have started talking to the other person at the same time as you and therefore, was maybe just testing to see what one he vibed with more.

however, they should be open and honest and say that’s the deal. Not talking to you since Thursday after talking every day, is a slow fade like someone said above (love that term!) or a ghost in the hope you won’t reply. A mutual ghost

It’s hard but again, as mentioned if he wanted to talk to you, he would. We need to remind ourselves of this. Big changes in communication early doors for no reason is a big indicator in my eyes so see ya boy. You deserve better.

 

[holliebollie]

@Mr.Mistoffelees I had this last week!! I met someone who seemed lovely on Hinge. Texting every day, like long, interesting messages. Had a good feeling about him. Date on Monday and I fancied him (rare for me). I had the gut feeling when I left that he didn’t feel the same so I was disappointed but didn’t think too much of it. Got home and he’d texted saying he had a lovely time, I was beautiful bla bla, shall we have date two somewhere else and get the train there etc. We texted back and forth a couple of times and then I went to bed. I was the last to text and he ‘hearted’ the text.

Nothing Tues. Nothing Weds. I texted on Thurs and said, haven’t heard are from you since Monday, hope all is okay. Just to say it’s fine to not feel a romantic connection with someone and say so, rather than pretending you have intentions for a second date/you’re interested. He replied and said sorry for not being in touch, issues with ex and kid bla bla. NO mention of a date though so clearly I was right. Just be honest! I hate the way they make out they want to see you again when actually they’re not fussed at all. I didn’t bother replying. No text from him to ask for a date funnily enough

 

[Olgivy]

First time poster but I'm SO confused as to what I just experienced I need to air it

I'm a 29yrs old, have spent the past few days spending time with a 26yr old. (Only ever dated older men so it's a new experience) and he still lives at home. (Dates outside the house, haven't met the parents but they know about me)

He's mentioned he doesn't have tattoos because he has a strict mum, which rang alarm bells as I have 26 of them. And also mentioned how he'd have to turn his phone off if we went to a certain club because his parents have his location on his phone.

Anyway I digress! We had a really nice evening together and then parked up at a nice viewpoint and shared music and stories. When all of a sudden at 245am a car pulls up next to us, he undoes his window and says hello and his mother starts screaming at him! She'd woken up his younger brother to drive her to where his location was he doesnt seem overly shocked and says his locations on so whys she stressing and she claimed I could have murdered him for all she knew. So I then had to introduce myself through the passenger window after she'd been screaming blue murder.

He laughed about it afterwards but didn't seem embarrassed or shocked, which makes me think this isn't unusual.

I'm genuinely gutted because we get on amazingly but shall I run now?!

Ps sorry its long it needed the detail!

What in the fresh-toxic-enmeshment is this? Run. I always say that the behaviour displayed at the beginning (the behaviour from his family too in this case) is always a sign of things to come. It never gets better, it always gets worse. You don’t have time for questioning things, just move on to the next. Men like this will consult their family for everything. He will run every decision in your relationship by mummy. Therefore, your relationship will always be dependent on “committee” Ask me how I know?

 

[Guyyyyyzzzzzz]

Sounds like a dare that .
I agree, I’ll never forget my ex’s delusional duck wit of a mother saying don’t you be spending all your money on her when he asked for his credit cards. Sorry hun but I’m the one paying for everything and he’s living with me. Get fucked. An then again justifying his abuse by saying I just need to make him a nice meal and he’ll be ok.

 

[Peakyblinders]

New thread https://tattle.life/threads/dating-...en-are-consistent-with-is-the-audacity.45578/