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BustySinclair

Chatty Member
The problem with Zoe's book is that most adults don't have the disposable income (or time) to throw parties like hers with irrelevant details. Real life adults have their mates over, have some wine and nibbles with a bit of music on and they go home again. Guests don't need or even want indoor dens, pointless decorations, or even a theme. All they want is good company and some fun - which she clearly isn't, since her only friends are Poppy and Mark. She's so out of touch with others her age who don't act like 18 year olds; having her friends over for sleepovers with "cosy" films and blankets and hot chocolate.

Edit to add: Zoe is, and always has been, surrounded by yes-men who wouldn't dare say something was crap. Mark, Alfie, Poppy, her work crew (I don't even know their names) - live for Zoe and worship the ground she walks on. Anyone who challenges Zoe is immediately shut out as they are "toxic" - hence her lack of friends.
 
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KawaiiAF

VIP Member
She basically has proposed to him by constantly asking him about it. Many men have no idea what their girlfriends want out of a relationship, when it comes to fiance's it's a bit different but they are just gf and bf and he's under NO illusions how badly she wants marriage and kids. He keeps telling her No, and his wishy-washy reasons why.

To put it into perspective, one of my neighbours is 21 years old, is married to the love of his life, they have a child and he is a father figure to her other child by her ex who passed away. He is also in the armed forces. He would laugh at Alfie for the weak reasons he gives for not wanting to get married. It's easy for them, they have no kids and they're rich as butter.

alfie won't marry her as he doesn't love her and he's using her for the lifestyle. She puts up with it as she has low self esteem when it comes to boyfriends and doesn't want the embarrassment of another split after the last one.

She also handed it all to him on a silver platter. He got to live in her house, in her bed, eat her food, share her bath, why would he marry her, he already gets to live with her as her husband! Lol she's a fool. She thinks her constant sniping will change his mind. Not in a million years :ROFLMAO:
 
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Yel

Chatty Member
Moderator
"she basically explains how to make sandwiches and go on a walk"

"two pages for a ham and cheese sandwich"

"remember sunglasses in the summer"

"remember coat in the autumn"

"stock up on wood if you have a fire"

"change your bedding"

"buy a Christmas tree and crackers at Christmas"


Nice hearing this mainstream, another Christmas ruined for her.
 
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StephenTJackson

VIP Member
She just uploaded a vlog from over a month ago...

1. “I have so many things to do I can’t hang out with Alfie” protecting herself from the break up rumors actually makes me wonder if they broke up ages ago and are just waiting for Christmas to be over

2. can’t stop staring at her eyebrows
They’ve never been more defensive about the whole breakup thing. So I think they’ll get Christmas over with, go quiet in January while they at least sort out moving out, possessions, the dog etc. Will take a bit longer to sell the mansion and spare house. But both could easily move out into rented flats or whatever.

The business side isn’t as complicated as it could be, AtoZ has done sweet F A all year, so they could wind that down and have seperate businesses for their personal teams and Alfie could relaunch a new company that is supposed to be a talent management company but hasn’t ever done anything. Perhaps the breakup is why the company has never launched properly, to make the separation easier? Not that they are just too lazy to do any work. The office will just be kept until the lease runs out.

I think the dog is the only complication in a Zalfie breakup.

Then carefully planned videos will be uploaded to announce a “conscious uncoupling” where they spout bollocks about still caring about each other, wishing each other the best and saying that nobody did anything wrong and all the shite to make it seem amicable. Then Zoe will disappear and Alfie will try to be cool, do a bit of partying, travelling and trying to pull an Insta model like Marcus before disappearing because nobody cares about him and he is boring.

Or at least we can live in hope this will happen. :ROFLMAO:
 
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GossWhore

VIP Member
MY GIRL IS BACK VLOGGING, SO THAT MEANS THE RETURN OF VIDEO RECAPS

Z1.jpg

  • 2 seconds in (no joke) I could tell she has given up on Youtube --- she didn't even bother caption the date of the video, just "Thursday - Office Day"
  • She then whines about "having really busy couple of weeks" whilst being ill, Narla being ill and attending a wedding -- hard life our girl Zoella lives
  • She explains about recording with Briony an audio for the trailer of the book? -- WHY? I do not know
  • She shows part of the audio recording -- her exact words "I hope Cordially Invited gets you inspired to get people together and make an occasion out of everyday" --- IS SHE FORREAL? Just because she throws parties every 5 seconds does not mean other people have the time OR money OR both. She is really deluded with "occasion out of every day".
  • Briony: "Super impressive reading out loud, I definitely would of fumbled" --- Briony acts like Zoe is a 5 year old
  • "We had a meeting with someone doing a new Vlogmas for the channel" -- she seems done with Youtube, but will still get that Vlogmas money!
  • Back at it again "showing" clips on meetings [I will insert a pic].
Z2.jpg

  • Total girl boss with "I like that design"
  • Zoe has jelly beans in a jar in the office and sat there picking for the pink ones with Maddie --- these are SHARED! YUCK!!
  • Zoe "We are about to do a Skype call for a very important meeting. But I don't think its worth sharing as its very very early. But very exciting. Something I have never done or worked on before" -- Is this the Girl Online film deal? God forbid its Netflix or worse...Disney!
  • She legit worked for a second then started talking to Maddie about a TV show -- lol -- she cannot concentrate for longer than a millisecond
  • Shows off a new range of Zoella beauty crap called "COSMOS"-- same shit: rollerballs, body mist, body creme etc
  • Friday aka "Inflatable Fun" day (thats how she captioned it) -- again, no date
  • "Mark is about to smell the mist for the first time, Alfie have you smelt it"? -- Funny she cares more about Marks opinion and forgot if her bf had smelt it or not
  • Zoe: "I think the scents a good evening scent" -- GURL PLEASE. I SMELT YOUR PREVIOUS BODY MIST.
  • They have builders in their home repainting etc, REALLY? They need maintenance on the house already?

  • So Zalfie, Soppy and Mark went to an obstacle course whilst her staff worked, but its OK they meet them later as "team bonding" -- I would rather sting pins in my eyes then bond with Alfie Deyes
  • NEXT MORNING: "I was absolutely knackered, that shows you cannot run around like a child as an adult" -- well maybe you could if you were actually fit and didn't leave off Pizza
  • Pancakes for breakfast -- how different
  • She also threw away a pancake because it was not aesthetically pleasing. REALLY?
  • "I love watching people decorate pancakes. Shows who they are" -- it really is not that deep
  • First it was canoles instead of candles, now cashooes instead of cashews
  • She is filming a video for a brand -- so an ad? Any guesses who?

THE LONG ASS WOO ME I NEED A BREAK TALKS BEGINS AT 26:53
  • "When I started this 10 years ago I talked about how I felt, I now think I have overshared" --- that was what her fans loved then she tried retreating and now shes fcked
  • "The platform is changing and its a scary place to be sometimes" -- basically YT are not paying me due to shitty algorithms
  • "I would be lying that every day of those 10 years has been the best days of my life" -- but most of the worst days (book scandal, driving whilst vlogging, Hello World) she created those messes!!!
  • "Some things have made it a little hard to enjoy what I do. Like the amount of people and expectations and how people see me like content creators and media outlets" -- still blaming the press for portraying her negativity like she is not responsible. Also is that content creator Louise?
  • "I didn't start this to build a career" -- but you did and you made a shit tonne of money from it, so take ownership of it.
  • "I hate the expectations and pressure that comes with this" -- Basically I created a fake relatable girl next door persona and now cannot live up to it
  • "I feel like I can't fully be myself online" --- see above bullet point
  • "The culture of what Youtube is right now, is so not what is was 10 years" -- basically blaming "call-out culture" for her demise, all this woo me bs is exhausting
  • "I feel I cannot be myself as people are circling me like hawks. Waiting for me for me to do something" -- tbh I am waiting for her to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. But I am not waiting for her demise, most of us used to sub to Zoe and would prefer her to thrive honestly instead of shilling teenagers. So maybe i am waiting for the end of greedy Zoella.
  • She then spoke about her Instagram poll about "why do you follow me" -- people said shes "She positive, down to earth and real" -- NO COMMENT
  • She then went on again "I don't feel like I can be myself. I feel like I have impostor syndrome, living my deyes in a daze and I feel safer not posting anything" -- Her own fault, I cannot sympathise.
  • "I don't think I can be the honest, real version of me" -- you can but you would rather accept the easy money fake Zoella brings
  • "I still want to make content, but I want to refocus. Take a step back and think about the content I want to make" -- I am waiting, since she took 8 months to redesign her blog which never came to fruition. I wonder will she take a year break from YT to "find her creativity" LOL
  • "For a long time because of expectations, I didn't venture outside anything I had already done" -- The money was easy thats why you didn't change the content, but you are no longer the Queen of YT
  • "My videos probably do not give me creative fulfilment" -- they don't give us that either
  • "I don't push myself on videos anymore" --- Zoe gave up pushing herself years ago, she had an easy ride and stayed there
  • "I hope you don't mind me taking a breather on my Zoella channel. There might be some changes, some things I don't share or keep to myself" --I wonder, maybe a breakup?
  • "I just want to express I am not having a crisis. I can see it now 'Zoella in crisis'" -- still jaded towards the press
  • "I am still gonna be posting vlogs and on Instagram" - SO NO BREAK? LOL (I remember her social media break where she still was liking tweets lol)
  • "I feel the longer we are surrounded by negativity, the more normal it becomes. People are losing empathy" -- Oh jeez, because everyone is no longer kissing your arse the world has a problem? GIRL BYE

  • She then switches to showing her cupboard full of old Zoella crap
  • Then shows her OTT makeup collection -- for someone that goes nowhere, she sure has a lot of makeup
TO SUMMARISE: Having a break from Youtube...BUT still filming ads for brands, is bringing a new Cosmos range out end of August 2018, will do Vlogmas 2018, is releasing shit for Christmas 2019, is probbaly shilling Girl Online for a film deal
 
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captainxpudding

New member
Long time lurker of GG and finally came on here. Thanks for those uploads, I was so curious about that book! It’s actually a little worse than I expected. The cringe is unreal. It is blatantly obvious that what she really wants is to throw parties, decorate, etc. for children. She’s trying to recreate her childhood experiences, but they just don’t translate well to adulthood.

I’m 27 and I can’t imagine actually inviting my friends over for an “adult” version of an Easter egg hunt. I feel embarrassed just thinking about that. A couple times it was like she defended the childish stuff by suggesting adding alcohol, haha. I’m sure she knows from experience that most adults don’t want to do this stuff unless they’ve been drinking...
 
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sonnenschein8

Active member
Sociopathella.... you are #CordillyInvited to miss your flights
Welcome to the Hotel Zalfie... you can check out any time you like but you can never leave... [emoji23]
 
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moimoi

VIP Member
Did they use a photo of her Madame Tussauds wax figure? :ROFLMAO: Probably would be as entertaining.
 
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Oohthedrama

Iconic Member
Moderator
So.....

If Zoe and Alfie split.

1) how long will it take until Zoe and Jim get down and dirty in between the Zoella bath bombs in the Gleam store room.

2) how long will it take until Alfie and Mark get down and dirty in the unused gym
between Alfie’s new camera and 4 new microphones,
beside the unused piano
under the beautiful quote wall ?

I ship it ??
 
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Helloally

Member
in her new vlog where she speaks about having a 3-hour long meeting with her lawyers where she had to sign a bunch of forms... almost sounds like she's going through a divorce
 
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thenomad

VIP Member
She had canned food that went bad in 2015... So basically she brought that over from her previous home into her current home (since she moved into her current home in 2017)... Which only proves the theory that she rarely cooks. Also, the amount of stuff she had for baking alone was ridiculous considering how little she actually does anything in the kitchen for that matter. Btw, when she was showing her cookie cutters did anyone see if her crappy advent calendar cookie cutters made the cut? :rolleyes:

I can't believe she's uploading these vlogs so late. Yeah, yeah she had a book to promote (that she kind of promoted) but if you're uploading two vlogs that were from a month ago... I mean lbr who is she trying to fool into believe that she has a "mad busy" schedule. If I was her I wouldn't have even uploaded this vlog b/c it only confirms that Alfie's birthday party was all about Zoe. But yes, such couple goalz!

Also, I can't with Alfie being so smug that he figured out Zoe was up to something claiming that he's good at puzzles and working things out because it's his thing. Yeah, that's right Alfie, you are soooo smart, super ripped, and a great entrepreneur... all those things. You keep telling yourself that.
 
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KawaiiAF

VIP Member
oh so her anxiety is back & got her out of smth she didn't wanna do ?! idk as i quit watching her. but if so, very handy, that!

She has the look of someone who hung themselves by their own petard.

That short dark hair is awful. She's a fright.

Her problem is sheer laziness. She could have sold expensive, worthy items, and made a lot of money but she cut corners and is a pure lazy scammer. These youtubers lie thru their teeth to get their hands on fans money.

I would want to slap her bandy too if I was in a room with her, she talks such utter tripe. And I'm the least violent person on the planet! it's why I can't watch her idiotic vlogs anymore, I can't even hate watch, she makes my blood boil lol

Has she actually done anything with that poor solo guinea pig since? or is it still festering alone in the room nobody spends time in? I bet it's dreading christmas when she invades it's space with a huge tree with flashing lights it has to endure for endless weeks. I still haven't forgiven her for leaving them in a closed up house on days that were so hot we were hotter than Spain, with no fan or fresh air. My jaw literally dropped when she said they had gone out during the hottest part of the day to play crazy golf, closed up the house with all the pets inside. I mean damn. And that when they got back the guinea pig was dead but 'it wasnt the heat'. They were so lucky to return to a dog and the other gp, considering a huge chunk of their house is glass and that house would've been sweltering.

To give you an idea how hot it was, a distant relative died through the heat. it was that hot. we were all suffering with no a/c, and zoe admitted she had no ac. That still irritates me she was that irresponsible to leave pets in a locked up, boiling hot house, with no fans. I just hope they had water.

I know it's older news but for the memory of that poor guinea pig, I like to bring it up <3
 
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GossWhore

VIP Member
zwellad.jpg

THURSDAY - MORE CAKE

  • The first clip is the bakoff and talking about Bake-Off when Terry left, that was SEPTEMBER 26!!!!
  • Honestly, does the office ever work? Spending hours taking pics for Mean Girls Day and eating cake? I could not work for Zoe, always putting up with her BS, forced to wear her shit slippers and pink (which I hate), some of these woman are older than Zoe - never me

WEDNESDAY - LONDON EVENT
  • This event was October 3rd!
  • "It feels like Friday because I never leave my house" -- we know
  • Bet Zozo was well jealous, Meg and Harry stealing her thunder by being in Brighton and causing traffic "The whole office ran out, so cute"
  • She baked cupcakes as Dan left bake-off and said "ohh I just spat" -- lovely cupcakes with a bit of Zoella saliva
  • The closer she brings that camera to her face, the older she looks
  • Of course Mark said her vegan cupcakes were nice, he would lick Zoes arsehole and say it tasted like sprinkles
  • They get to the event and she signs about 300 books -- is this not a waste of time? Should of done it when she sent the signed ones to Amazon (though some were NOT signed)
  • Jim obviously hosted the London event as we know nobodies knocking on his door for deals
  • Jim "we haven't been on stage together for a while" -- he hesitated, probably thinking of shitty HelloWorld
  • Legit that event was just Zoe and Jim gazing at eachother and talking shit and ignoring the audience
  • They did take preselected questions from the audience, thats about it
  • Zoe "I don't know where to look, there so many cameras" -- grinning so much, she loves it
  • Alfie was proper playing us to the Zalfie relationship rubbing Zoes shoulders on camera


THURSDAY - PUBLICATION DAY
  • SHE FINALLY SAID THE NAME RIGHT!
  • "As an office we are all going to create Autumn wreaths" --- uhhh
  • She is so easily pleased, Alfie buying her flowers and a card
  • Zoe "We remembered it was our anniversary, which we kinda forgot" -- #relationshipgoalz
  • Zoe "6 years! I don't know where the time has gone, but I've loved them" -- you'd love a ring and bump more
  • LOL her team had to pre-order the book, bitch couldn't give them for free???
  • The bake-off scores for Zoe were too nice, but of course they would pander to her bs
  • Holly does not look enthusiastic about making a wreath lol
  • LOL she gave Alfie the PR box for her book ON THEIR ANNIVERSARY loooool -- a book he will never read

SATURDAY - SISTER NERVES
  • She didn't bother film the Manchester event
  • Her "anxiety" is back and thats why she didn't film
  • She was worried about Joe on Strictly, somehow she has made the story about herself when Joe was the one nervous
  • She actually ended this vlog - wow
 
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moimoi

VIP Member
Dying at the autumn intro. 'In autumn I like to have baths when it's colder rather than in the summer where I prefer showers because it's hotter.' What mind-numbing, condescending tripe.
 
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Helloally

Member
Sorry OT but just found a little gem in her new vlog. She and the other girl separate from the guys and they find each other at 7:58

Zoe: did you miss us?
Other dude: yeah actually was getting a bit worried
Frog: So happy
Zoe: see that’s why he is your husband and mine is still my boyfriend *insert fake uncomfortable laugh*

Sooo awkward! Can’t she just propose if she wants to get married so bad? Also I feel like she wants a wedding, the attention, the Instagram photos but hasn’t given a real thought to was marriage entails. For starters.. discuss important things like marriage and children.
 
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StephenTJackson

VIP Member
Also. Some "recipes" are legit just a cheese board. Like bitch???
Others I've NEVER seen Zoe cook (she's a professional bragger so we would of been forced to know). Recipes like Spaghetti Bolognese, home made burgers. I know simple. But have she ever?




Surely the mash mountain recipe should start with going to M&S and buying a pre-made tub of mash for the microwave which tastes revolting. And the pizza recipe should just be the phone number for Dominos.

The whole thing is just so fake for anybody who isn’t a blind minion who can’t see the sham for what she is.
 
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GossWhore

VIP Member
Alfie is so fucking rude.. I'm dead.

His new vlog he had to bake for GBBO.

Did he use his gf new book? Nope. Lol

It was in shot! And he picked....Tanyas [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 
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nemidiso

Well-known member
funny how Zoe shames Alfie for acting like a kid wearing these Heely shoes as a childhood memory when she's the nearly 30years old woman who tries to recreate her childhood through building dens, having cereal partys, buying toddler clothes for herself, watching elf for the 100th time to feel secure again and writes a fricking book about it
 
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