DoreenYadeley
VIP Member
I'VE REWORKED THE AD TO MAKE IT MORE 'ACCURATE'...
'Team Zoella Office Bitch'
THE JOB SUMMARY:
We are looking for a desperate minion to do all the shit we're too lazy to do whilst we binge on donuts and fizzy drinks. We've run out of ideas and enthusiasm for brand Zoella so we want you to think of content and ideas for the dwindling ex-You Tube personality. The role is based in Brighton 5 days a week and don't even fucking think of working remotely!! This is a hard graft job, bitch.
Hours: Full Time Boredom
Location: Central Brighton
Salary: Absolute shit
Start Date: Immediate (we're desperate)
KEY RESPONSIBILITIES:
Licking Zoella's bumhole clean on the daily.
Ordering junk food for Jolly Holly and co.
Thinking up all the shit to post on Zoella's boring social media pages.
Making us drinks and ordering food, and buying pointless shit we can use as props in crappy photoshoots.
Taking minutes in our team 'meetings', listening to us all talk shit for hours. Please note Zoe rarely attends.
Shit-posting on all our social media and the website but not the blog as it's dead.
Pinching pics and info from online.
Heavy use of Pinterest for content.
Begging for free shit and PR for Zoe.
REQUIREMENTS:
Love of Autumn and Christmas.
Love of all things orange.
Fatter than Zoe, if possible obese and unattractive.
Can write using stupid abbreviations like 'gorg' and 'obvz'
Will do any menial physical work for Zoe at the drop of a hat.
Likes pugs and can put up with anal gland leakage (Nala) and shedding hair extensions (Zoe).
THE PERSON WE’RE LOOKING FOR:
Ability to work with a team of annoying and lazy oafs and put up with Queen Bitch Zoe and her insufferable bullshit.
Passion for pointless product consumption and failing You Tube celebrities.
Someone who loves working in a dull and repetitive, stale environment.
Unimaginative and will do as told without questioning.
Can organise Zoe as we've all given up trying to get her to do anything.
Going the extra mile, always; as the Girl Boss barely leaves her sofa.
Confident to work by yourself as we can't be bothered to really assist being a bunch of self important twats.
Ambitious, as Zoe surely isn't these days and we're all worried the company will fold and we'll be out of a job.
Happy to travel or stay overnight if Zoe or Alfie need babysitting.
HOW TO APPLY:
Please complete the below task and send alongside a CV, cover letter and blank cheque signing your life and integrity away to [email protected] by Friday 8th November.
Only serious applications will be considered, and unless we want to steal your ideas we won't be in contact as we're too lazy to respond to all applications.
CVs and any applications will be scanned for ideas and ripped off accordingly in line with Zoe's rules and regs.
TASK:
Create a plan for a week’s worth of content to sit on the Zoella Instagram account that follows the format we currently have. We want this to be an opportunity for you to demonstrate your abilities and to use lots of orange filters to make everything look #autumnal. Feel free to use any programs you would like to complete the task but please submit in an easy format so it's easier for Holly to copy and paste into Insta.
THINGS TO CONSIDER:
'Team Zoella Office Bitch'
THE JOB SUMMARY:
We are looking for a desperate minion to do all the shit we're too lazy to do whilst we binge on donuts and fizzy drinks. We've run out of ideas and enthusiasm for brand Zoella so we want you to think of content and ideas for the dwindling ex-You Tube personality. The role is based in Brighton 5 days a week and don't even fucking think of working remotely!! This is a hard graft job, bitch.
Hours: Full Time Boredom
Location: Central Brighton
Salary: Absolute shit
Start Date: Immediate (we're desperate)
KEY RESPONSIBILITIES:
Licking Zoella's bumhole clean on the daily.
Ordering junk food for Jolly Holly and co.
Thinking up all the shit to post on Zoella's boring social media pages.
Making us drinks and ordering food, and buying pointless shit we can use as props in crappy photoshoots.
Taking minutes in our team 'meetings', listening to us all talk shit for hours. Please note Zoe rarely attends.
Shit-posting on all our social media and the website but not the blog as it's dead.
Pinching pics and info from online.
Heavy use of Pinterest for content.
Begging for free shit and PR for Zoe.
REQUIREMENTS:
Love of Autumn and Christmas.
Love of all things orange.
Fatter than Zoe, if possible obese and unattractive.
Can write using stupid abbreviations like 'gorg' and 'obvz'
Will do any menial physical work for Zoe at the drop of a hat.
Likes pugs and can put up with anal gland leakage (Nala) and shedding hair extensions (Zoe).
THE PERSON WE’RE LOOKING FOR:
Ability to work with a team of annoying and lazy oafs and put up with Queen Bitch Zoe and her insufferable bullshit.
Passion for pointless product consumption and failing You Tube celebrities.
Someone who loves working in a dull and repetitive, stale environment.
Unimaginative and will do as told without questioning.
Can organise Zoe as we've all given up trying to get her to do anything.
Going the extra mile, always; as the Girl Boss barely leaves her sofa.
Confident to work by yourself as we can't be bothered to really assist being a bunch of self important twats.
Ambitious, as Zoe surely isn't these days and we're all worried the company will fold and we'll be out of a job.
Happy to travel or stay overnight if Zoe or Alfie need babysitting.
HOW TO APPLY:
Please complete the below task and send alongside a CV, cover letter and blank cheque signing your life and integrity away to [email protected] by Friday 8th November.
Only serious applications will be considered, and unless we want to steal your ideas we won't be in contact as we're too lazy to respond to all applications.
CVs and any applications will be scanned for ideas and ripped off accordingly in line with Zoe's rules and regs.
TASK:
Create a plan for a week’s worth of content to sit on the Zoella Instagram account that follows the format we currently have. We want this to be an opportunity for you to demonstrate your abilities and to use lots of orange filters to make everything look #autumnal. Feel free to use any programs you would like to complete the task but please submit in an easy format so it's easier for Holly to copy and paste into Insta.
THINGS TO CONSIDER:
- Early retirement
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