Your other half's friends

[Noname12345]

Do you like your partner's/spouse's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's friends?

It's a point of tension in our relationship as I don't like my other half's friends. Only recently, he introduced me to his friend and his friend's girlfriend and I really like them.

My OH is heartbroken, because he says that I don't even try to get to know his friends and he seems to think that my dislike comes from differences in background (apparently I don't like poor people... Not true!).

It bothers me. I want to have a decent relationship with them, but I find them so boring.

Sorry if I sound like a right ass, but I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't get a long with their partner's friends.

 

[GiggleBee]

Not sure if its the same but im pretty sure my best friends husband doesn't like me.

 

[bubbletea123]

Do you like your partner's/spouse's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's friends?

It's a point of tension in our relationship as I don't like my other half's friends. Only recently, he introduced me to his friend and his friend's girlfriend and I really like them.

My OH is heartbroken, because he says that I don't even try to get to know his friends and he seems to think that my dislike comes from differences in background (apparently I don't like poor people... Not true!).

It bothers me. I want to have a decent relationship with them, but I find them so boring.

Sorry if I sound like a right ass, but I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't get a long with their partner's friends.

Eh, some of them I don't *love* but it more comes down to how badly behaved their kids are so I just find being at their houses really draining, and we don't have them to ours as they're the type of people who rather than get a babysitter will want to bring their bratty kids. But if they invite us to a BBQ I will go because they're my spouse's friends. Like, I said, I don't dislike them but they're not people I would be friends with. He tends to meet them for beer/dinner more so I don't see them too often.

I am pretty sure I have friends he would dislike. They are his friends, I am not going to say to him we/I/he can't see them because their kids behave a certain way or their house is quite gross compared to ours, etc. My spouse and I did have an argument before about these friends and honestly, it just was not worth it at all. Haha. I learned that you can make an effort even if they're not your kind of people. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices like that.

What is the reason you dislike them?

 

[Noname12345]

Eh, some of them I don't *love* but it more comes down to how badly behaved their kids are so I just find being at their houses really draining, and we don't have them to ours as they're the type of people who rather than get a babysitter will want to bring their bratty kids. But if they invite us to a BBQ I will go because they're my spouse's friends. Like, I said, I don't dislike them but they're not people I would be friends with. He tends to meet them for beer/dinner more so I don't see them too often.

I am pretty sure I have friends he would dislike. They are his friends, I am not going to say to him we/I/he can't see them because their kids behave a certain way or their house is quite gross compared to ours, etc. My spouse and I did have an argument before about these friends and honestly, it just was not worth it at all. Haha. I learned that you can make an effort even if they're not your kind of people. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices like that.

What is the reason you dislike them?

Only one couple has kids, but it's the adults that bother me more.

They are loud, drink too much, are into party drugs. They aren't my kind of people at all. I find them boring and overwhelming at the same time. They behave like kids, not adults. We only have my OH in common... And it feels like some of them abuse my OH's good heart.

My friends are completely different...m

 

[Chewycinema]

Mine has a large mixed friendship group from high school that it took me a long time to feel comfortable being around. There's always a lot of "remember when this happened" etc etc and you end up listening to loads of old stories you don't care much about. His closest guy mates and their partners I have a lot of time for, but the rest I can take or leave. Theres a couple of his not so close mates partners I like too but that's also because they're "outsiders"

 

[chocolate choux]

My ex had a small social circle. A couple of his friends disliked me - it was an abusive relationship and he’d lie to them and claim I was the problem, so naturally they’d side with their friend. We were civil though and I’d still encourage him to socialise with them and respect their friendships. He’d still act like I didn’t like him hanging out with them when I actually hammed it up too much because I believed I was the problem (abusers do that to you, no matter how reasonable I was, I was still the issue)

One of his friends went too far though. She’d always actively do and say really bitchy things in an underhand way. It’s actually impressive the tit you can get away with when you fake a sunny persona with most people. I forgave her over and over for the sake of my ex. Then when I got pregnant she started spreading rumours about me, claiming that I was faking being pregnant and would fake a miscarriage (she knew I’d had a miscarriage before so this really hurt me), saying the baby wasn’t my ex’s, telling everyone I was abusive despite seeing evidence that he was abusing me, spreading all these rumours at their workplace (they were colleagues). She seemed to panic and spread all this crap at once after finding out I was pregnant

My pregnancy was already stressful enough but I put up with it until after the baby was born. Eventually I snapped and gave my ex the ultimatum between me and her. He chose me but I ended up leaving anyway due to the ongoing abuse

I really regret giving him that ultimatum. A partner who truly loves and respects you doesn’t need to be given an ultimatum - if one of my friends was acting like that towards my partner, I’d explain that they need to stop or risk losing our friendship. I’d be willing to listen to their reasons for their behaviour but I wouldn’t put up with that level of nastiness over nothing. I’d never give any future partners an ultimatum, instead I’d voice why I was unhappy and move on if they didn’t understand

My example is quite extreme though. As I said, I was fine with his other friends and we managed to be civil even though we didn’t get along. I think it’s an important part of a relationship to be able to let them have their own friends, even people you wouldn’t be friends with personally. As long as they’re not complete psychopaths!

Sorry for the blog!

 

[Noname12345]

My ex had a small social circle. A couple of his friends disliked me - it was an abusive relationship and he’d lie to them and claim I was the problem, so naturally they’d side with their friend. We were civil though and I’d still encourage him to socialise with them and respect their friendships. He’d still act like I didn’t like him hanging out with them when I actually hammed it up too much because I believed I was the problem (abusers do that to you, no matter how reasonable I was, I was still the issue)

One of his friends went too far though. She’d always actively do and say really bitchy things in an underhand way. It’s actually impressive the tit you can get away with when you fake a sunny persona with most people. I forgave her over and over for the sake of my ex. Then when I got pregnant she started spreading rumours about me, claiming that I was faking being pregnant and would fake a miscarriage (she knew I’d had a miscarriage before so this really hurt me), saying the baby wasn’t my ex’s, telling everyone I was abusive despite seeing evidence that he was abusing me, spreading all these rumours at their workplace (they were colleagues). She seemed to panic and spread all this crap at once after finding out I was pregnant

My pregnancy was already stressful enough but I put up with it until after the baby was born. Eventually I snapped and gave my ex the ultimatum between me and her. He chose me but I ended up leaving anyway due to the ongoing abuse

I really regret giving him that ultimatum. A partner who truly loves and respects you doesn’t need to be given an ultimatum - if one of my friends was acting like that towards my partner, I’d explain that they need to stop or risk losing our friendship. I’d be willing to listen to their reasons for their behaviour but I wouldn’t put up with that level of nastiness over nothing. I’d never give any future partners an ultimatum, instead I’d voice why I was unhappy and move on if they didn’t understand

My example is quite extreme though. As I said, I was fine with his other friends and we managed to be civil even though we didn’t get along. I think it’s an important part of a relationship to be able to let them have their own friends, even people you wouldn’t be friends with personally. As long as they’re not complete psychopaths!

Sorry for the blog!

Thank you for sharing
As much as I don't like his friends, I'm fine with him seeing them. I just don't want to spend my time with them and I avoid it at all cost. It bothers him that I don't make enough effort.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

I like the majority of my husband's friends. His family on the other hand

 

[Mrs Cucumber]

I like my husband's friends, it's some of their wife's that are the problems! I do wish they would make more of a effort for him though, we live quite far away from them due to my husband's work and there is very little effort put in by them it's always my hubby texting etc

 

[Scvee13]

I like some, tolerate others, there are a few that I really dislike and have no time for. I rarely see them though, most of his close friends have kids so they only see each other at beer fests or nights out organised far in advance and usually just the boys go due to the partners being at home with kids. Suits me . The family I feel the same about. I avoid going to family gatherings at all costs. Would rather work

 

[Ohflogoff]

I like my husband’s mates. We have a pretty tight circle and I count them as my mates too. We all tend to socialise together or just blokes/wives. There was one affair that blew it apart for a bit as my friend was married to his friend, but we have regrouped now.

 

[Noname12345]

It looks like I'm the only one who can't stand their partner's friends

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Nope, can’t stand my OH’s friends. They are all assholes. I know I can be a bit snobbish but that’s just because of the way we were brought up and I don’t like certain things like excessive drinking when kids are about, swearing etc
Luckily my OH is a bit if a loner so although they are constantly wanting to hang out we rarely have to see them. He knows how I feel but I will put up with it on the odd occasion or let him know I won’t be there.
However there is some of my friends he dislikes so I never force him to spend time with them

 

[KateESJ]

I got on with my ex's friends better than I did with him.

Should've been a sign, really. lol

 

[Noname12345]

Nope, can’t stand my OH’s friends. They are all assholes. I know I can be a bit snobbish but that’s just because of the way we were brought up and I don’t like certain things like excessive drinking when kids are about, swearing etc
Luckily my OH is a bit if a loner so although they are constantly wanting to hang out we rarely have to see them. He knows how I feel but I will put up with it on the odd occasion or let him know I won’t be there.
However there is some of my friends he dislikes so I never force him to spend time with them

Same here. I don't drink and I think that excessive drinking when you have young kids is wrong. Drinking around them is even worse.

 

[Orange Creme]

We dont mix our friends. I see mine on my own and he sees his on his own. This wasn't a conscious decision it just seems to have happened since having kids.

 

[judsmum]

Not a massive fan of his friends to be honest. I’ll do the social thing once in a while, very occasionally but I don’t really enjoy it! There isn’t anything wrong with them so much as they’re just not my cup of tea but then I’m not really a social person and I have two people who I would consider to be real friends and I don’t see them very often at all!

 

[Louisej3]

I'm not a massive fan of his friends some of them can be loud and obnoxious and some just annoying and will knock on the door constantly setting my dog off or throw stones at the window the other day i was mad coz one of them order himself food but he left before paying so they were braying on doors and windows for the scruff to say its theirs he is no longer welcome in the house believe me

 

[Lynseyp]

I'm glad this thread has come up. When i was dating my now husband many years ago he had a best mate and my hubby used to babysit while they went out getting pissed. Also hubby used to help pay their bills as his mate (and girlfriend) would go on holiday and not pay their bills in order to have spending money for their trip.
Year later we got married (had a joint bank account and i refused to work hard to give them money when all his mate's girlfriend wanted to do was breed kids so she didnt have to work), they would hardly make the effort to see us or call it was always us making the move. My husband got fed up and the visits and contact became irregular. Hubby is only in contact with them via social media but haven't met up for many years, hubby is fine with that as he says a friendship should work both ways. I don't mean to sound a snob but we had little in common with them, and have completely different opinions on life.

 

[Noname12345]

I'm glad this thread has come up. When i was dating my now husband many years ago he had a best mate and my hubby used to babysit while they went out getting pissed. Also hubby used to help pay their bills as his mate (and girlfriend) would go on holiday and not pay their bills in order to have spending money for their trip.
Year later we got married (had a joint bank account and i refused to work hard to give them money when all his mate's girlfriend wanted to do was breed kids so she didnt have to work), they would hardly make the effort to see us or call it was always us making the move. My husband got fed up and the visits and contact became irregular. Hubby is only in contact with them via social media but haven't met up for many years, hubby is fine with that as he says a friendship should work both ways. I don't mean to sound a snob but we had little in common with them, and have completely different opinions on life.

One of my OH's friends uses him for all sorts of DIY and house works (tiles, floors, radiator. He even asked him to put a shelf up!). I wouldn't have too much problem if my OH liked DIY. But he doesn't. I have to put our shelves up myself. The guy never says thank you or offers to help back. My OH helps him, because they are friends, but the way I see it, he is his friend, but the lazy ass isn't my OH's friend.

I can't believe that your husband's friend used him like that. Some people are too cheeky for their own good.