Would you go to the wedding?

[Rosie glow]

Please bare with me this may be a ramble
So hubby's oldest daughter has announced she is engaged
So I told hubby I won't be going, his family including his daughters mother put me through hell when we got together right down to trying to split us up, they preyed on my infertility sending us messages saying they hoped I could never had kids etc (it ended up I couldnt)
It was an awful time we ended up moving away to get some peace, ever since they have used this against him saying he left the kids not being there enough for them etc
I distanced myself from it all so I've never had a close relationship with his kids we are on good terms when we see them but thats the extent of it, really
i went through a really bad time after I was told I wouldn't have kids of my own to the point I didn't want to carry on, Nobody hubby included knew how bas I was as I hid it well I'm in a good place finally and can look forward instead of back
I asked my mum what she thought she she as his wife I should be there but can see why I don't want to go.
Part of me thinks dress up to the nines and go and at least pretend to have a ball, but I know her and her mates will be in their coven making fun of me etc.
So considering everything would anyone out there just say duck it and go or stay the hell away, part of me thinks I'm being unreasonable but I know it's going to become a nightmare for me any advice muchly appreciated

 

[Kim Mild]

Have the couple announced their wedding, or just their engagement? Sometimes people are engaged for years , some don't even end up having a wedding. If the wedding is booked, have you received an invitation? .

Maybe his daughter has matured a lot since you got together with her dad. She may have been hurting and taken it out on you . She may genuinely want to make amends.

 

[Rosie glow]

Have the couple announced their wedding, or just their engagement? Sometimes people are engaged for years , some don't even end up having a wedding. If the wedding is booked, have you received an invitation? .

Maybe his daughter has matured a lot since you got together with her dad. She may have been hurting and taken it out on you . She may genuinely want to make amends.

Sorry maybe I didn't word it correctly the issue is with her mother and hubby's family not his kids

 

[petitspois]

I wouldn't give it any thought until an actual invite comes your way. Then I would suggest talking it over with the daughter and see what she says.. If she genuinely wants you there then I think you have to go and just smile away all night.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

That is horrible what the mother did to you and says more about her tbh but if you are in a good place now and you don't have any issues with his kids then I'd go. It might cause more issues or rifts within the family if you don't go. Go along with your husband, have a good time, show your face and hold your head high. Don't give the mother the satisfaction of not being there, don't even give her a reaction.

 

[Rosie glow]

I wouldn't give it any thought until an actual invite comes your way. Then I would suggest talking it over with the daughter and see what she says.. If she genuinely wants you there then I think you have to go and just smile away all night.

Thank you Yes it could be a long way off if at all they are very young so anything could happen
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That is horrible what the mother did to you and says more about her tbh but if you are in a good place now and you don't have any issues with his kids then I'd go. It might cause more issues or rifts within the family if you don't go. Go along with your husband, have a good time, show your face and hold your head high. Don't give the mother the satisfaction of not being there, don't even give her a reaction.

Thankyou yes I understand where you're coming from its just the thought of her and her cronies sniggering at me all day that makes me think meh

 

[Lazarus]

Your partners ex sounds horrible, I’m sorry you experienced that.
a wedding is a long and expensive day, potentially including overnights, pre-wedding tit like hen weekends etc.
think carefully how you’ll feel when you combine the possibilities of having to attend multiple events. It sounds like a difficult situation.
if it was me personally I’d sit it out. I’d probably be very honest with husband/partner and say that at one of the most difficult times of your life, this person/these people made it worse. You’re now in a reasonably good place and don’t want to risk a relapse by being put in an environment where you feel uncomfortable.

I’m at an age now, 43, where I care less if my decisions offend people. Put your own needs first. If it comes to it take the daughter and the partner out for a nice meal before the wedding. Make a wee fuss of them if you feel like it. Then leave your husband to it.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I wouldn’t want to go either but given they tried to split you up then I would go. Show them their weird behaviour didn’t work.

 

[Rosie glow]

Your partners ex sounds horrible, I’m sorry you experienced that.
a wedding is a long and expensive day, potentially including overnights, pre-wedding tit like hen weekends etc.
think carefully how you’ll feel when you combine the possibilities of having to attend multiple events. It sounds like a difficult situation.
if it was me personally I’d sit it out. I’d probably be very honest with husband/partner and say that at one of the most difficult times of your life, this person/these people made it worse. You’re now in a reasonably good place and don’t want to risk a relapse by being put in an environment where you feel uncomfortable.

I’m at an age now, 43, where I care less if my decisions offend people. Put your own needs first. If it comes to it take the daughter and the partner out for a nice meal before the wedding. Make a wee fuss of them if you feel like it. Then leave your husband to it.

Thank you Yes it was such an awful time I don't want to revisit, I told hubby a long time ago I wouldn't be attending any event where her or her cronies would be whether it be weddings funerals etc, I didnt attend his mother's funeral for the same reason (and i didn't want to pay any respects to someone who sat back at did nothing) he like I will be with you the whole time but he's obviously and rightly so going to be a big part of the day. Since I hit my forties I too care less and less but I don't really want to put myself in that situation
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I wouldn’t want to go either but given they tried to split you up then I would go. Show them their weird behaviour didn’t work.

Thankyou I know right? It's tempting especially since me and hubby have been together nearly 15 years and that old tramp has had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

 

[Lazarus]

Thank you Yes it was such an awful time I don't want to revisit, I told hubby a long time ago I wouldn't be attending any event where her or her cronies would be whether it be weddings funerals etc, I didnt attend his mother's funeral for the same reason (and i didn't want to pay any respects to someone who sat back at did nothing) he like I will be with you the whole time but he's obviously and rightly so going to be a big part of the day. Since I hit my forties I too care less and less but I don't really want to put myself in that situation

There’s your answer right there. Regardless of what strangers on the internet say, you don’t want to put yourself in that position. Own it. Don’t go. You’ll only be compromising your own wishes if you do. Prioritising your husband’s daughter’s happiness over your own.

being brutally honest, brides normally wouldn’t be arsed anyway. Too busy enjoying themselves to notice xx

 

[Rosie glow]

There’s your answer right there. Regardless of what strangers on the internet say, you don’t want to put yourself in that position. Own it. Don’t go. You’ll only be compromising your own wishes if you do. Prioritising your husband’s daughter’s happiness over your own.

being brutally honest, brides normally wouldn’t be arsed anyway. Too busy enjoying themselves to notice xx

Thankyou you're totally right

 

[coconochanel]

If you are going to feel uncomfortable and not enjoy it then don't go. Although I'd be tempted to think 'duck it and duck you' to his ex and go as a two fingers to them.

 

[Rosie glow]

If you are going to feel uncomfortable and not enjoy it then don't go. Although I'd be tempted to think 'duck it and duck you' to his ex and go as a two fingers to them.

Thankyou Yes it is tempting

 

[petitspois]

I think you should park it now and not worry about it - they could be engaged for years on end x

 

[Rosie glow]

T

I think you should park it now and not worry about it - they could be engaged for years on end x

Thankyou absolutely if they even get there at all

 

[emmer_moans]

Please bare with me this may be a ramble
So hubby's oldest daughter has announced she is engaged
So I told hubby I won't be going, his family including his daughters mother put me through hell when we got together right down to trying to split us up, they preyed on my infertility sending us messages saying they hoped I could never had kids etc (it ended up I couldnt)
It was an awful time we ended up moving away to get some peace, ever since they have used this against him saying he left the kids not being there enough for them etc
I distanced myself from it all so I've never had a close relationship with his kids we are on good terms when we see them but thats the extent of it, really
i went through a really bad time after I was told I wouldn't have kids of my own to the point I didn't want to carry on, Nobody hubby included knew how bas I was as I hid it well I'm in a good place finally and can look forward instead of back
I asked my mum what she thought she she as his wife I should be there but can see why I don't want to go.
Part of me thinks dress up to the nines and go and at least pretend to have a ball, but I know her and her mates will be in their coven making fun of me etc.
So considering everything would anyone out there just say duck it and go or stay the hell away, part of me thinks I'm being unreasonable but I know it's going to become a nightmare for me any advice muchly appreciated

It's an impossible situation because there's fallout if you go and fallout if you don't. Whatever you decide, do what you can to look after yourself. If you go, dress up in something that makes you feel amazing, and if you stay away, go do something else or treat yourself.

 

[Sunflower91]

If it were me I wouldn’t go. I’m a big advocate for just saying no to things that I don’t want to do. I think if/ when an invite comes through then maybe speak to the daughter and say that you’re really happy for her etc etc but you’re not going to go because of how things are, and maybe angle it towards not wanting drama on her big day.

 

[Rosie glow]

It's an impossible situation because there's fallout if you go and fallout if you don't. Whatever you decide, do what you can to look after yourself. If you go, dress up in something that makes you feel amazing, and if you stay away, go do something else or treat yourself.

Thankyou yes with families there is always one problem or another I will definitely find something nice to do instead
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If it were me I wouldn’t go. I’m a big advocate for just saying no to things that I don’t want to do. I think if/ when an invite comes through then maybe speak to the daughter and say that you’re really happy for her etc etc but you’re not going to go because of how things are, and maybe angle it towards not wanting drama on her big day.

Thankyou yes I promised myself a long time ago I wasn't going to put myself in any situation that would make me uncomfortable good idea