Women with ADHD - diagnosis in adulthood

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I remember going to the doctors about this years ago and he said its because I was a mum. I have no focus, no concentration, my memory is piss poor & everything else i experience on a daily basis folks, cuz i had kids.
 
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This year! Am 41…I ended up paying privately more because I wanted to *know*. Genuinely spent most of my life thinking I was just a useless person. Lots of my issues are internalised social anxiety and self-hate. All unutterably better even just with the dx, and meds have been amazing for procrastination and actually getting things done. With hindsight mine has definitely evolved with life stages and only because truly difficult once I had my family.
I'm so glad diagnosis and medication has helped you! I've spent my life wondering what's "wrong" with me so I can totally get how just knowing was positive in itself. You describe a lot of what I experience. My natural assumption is that I'm incredibly annoying and no one would choose to spend time with me...just trusting my friends who assure me otherwise!

I remember going to the doctors about this years ago and he said its because I was a mum. I have no focus, no concentration, my memory is piss poor & everything else i experience on a daily basis folks, cuz i had kids.
I hate how women are time and time again downplayed as overreacting or just "tired". I hope you found someone who properly listened to you.
 
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I'm so glad diagnosis and medication has helped you! I've spent my life wondering what's "wrong" with me so I can totally get how just knowing was positive in itself. You describe a lot of what I experience. My natural assumption is that I'm incredibly annoying and no one would choose to spend time with me...just trusting my friends who assure me otherwise!


I hate how women are time and time again downplayed as overreacting or just "tired". I hope you found someone who properly listened to you.
I didnt go back and been struggling on ever since. That same doctor is still there too so I’m not keen on going back.
 
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I was thinking 😅😅but people always ask why there are so many diagnoses of ND people across the spectrum of ND getting diagnosed. Yes in part it was very much targeted toward younger males but also no one really speaks about the fact the world population has doubled since 1970. The numbers feel HUGE but on a relative basis it’s a lot aligned to women and THERE ARE SO MANY MORE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD.
 
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I wondered if anyone knows of organisations that actively support those with additional needs (as opposed to just tick boxing and doing nothing!). I’m recently diagnosed and work was one of the areas it was identified that I struggle in the most. I don’t retain information, struggle to stay focussed and get bored easily. My attention to detail isn’t the best either but I really love remote work.

I worked for a company a few years ago who supported all of my additional needs before I even knew I had ADHD. It was a tech start up, remote, flexible working, cameras off if you wanted to, fast paced (slightly chaotic but it kept me busy and I loved it) a super diverse team, short meetings, project management software, daily task setting.Gosh I could go on, but it basically suited me to a T and unfortunately the company went bust and I had to find work elsewhere. Nothing else before or after that has every compared and now that I’ve been diagnosed I realise why it really worked for me. I’m currently in a temp role because I thought that might be a good way for me to chop & change roles and see what I enjoy doing, but it’s a frumpy company with much older women who I really can’t identify with and I’m given a few data entry tasks and then left alone, which means I’m bored and barely get my work done.

The long and short of it is that today it dawned on me that I want to find somewhere who supports all of my additional needs in order for me to thrive (I’ve also never disclosed my disability before to an employer so these things may already be in place?!) but also help to make the workspace more accessible for people who are struggling like me. I just don’t know who to turn to or where to start. Like an ADHD champion without the workspace or disability advocate. A lot of jobs I’ve seen have said that I need qualifications and I can barely stick to a job at this point let alone a course (no idea how I made it through uni) & I wondered if anyone knows of any remote first companies who have supported them and their ADHD? Or could point me in the direction of someone who has? Thank you!
 
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Hello, I was diagnosed at 31...and I'm currently waiting on an app for possible asd diagnosis too.
I've been on xaggitin xl (I think) for around a year. I'm not really sure it does a whole lot besides suppresses my appetite lol
 
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Hello, I was diagnosed at 31...and I'm currently waiting on an app for possible asd diagnosis too.
I've been on xaggitin xl (I think) for around a year. I'm not really sure it does a whole lot besides suppresses my appetite lol
I wish that xaggitin suppressed mine past 9pm. Its effects have worn off by then. I'm still getting used to the lack of chatter in my brain.
 
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I've had a lot of conversations over the years about my very clear ND issues. Until recently I've never really, properly accepted it, nevermind thought about a diagnosis. Is it worth it? Do I really need to? I've done the hard bit in growing up. I survived without a diagnosis. I clearly am ND because 3/5 of my children are diagnosed (all Asd with ADHD) and the 2 that aren't, are even if they don't meet the threshold.

Without a diagnosis, where do I belong? I'm not NT and yet not ND. It's such a huge aspect of my personality. I know I'm ND yet there's this test to get in when I've been living it for years.
 
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Quick q: does anyone on ritalin get palpitations if they drink coffee?
I've often used coffee for energy prior to diagnosis but since diagnosis every time I drink it I get really anxious fluttering.
I crave coffee most mornings, often don't have it and don't have same effect from tea.
I've tried decaf coffee but it never tastes as good.
I've just bought new coffee and don't want to waste it!
 
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Quick q: does anyone on ritalin get palpitations if they drink coffee?
I've often used coffee for energy prior to diagnosis but since diagnosis every time I drink it I get really anxious fluttering.
I crave coffee most mornings, often don't have it and don't have same effect from tea.
I've tried decaf coffee but it never tastes as good.
I've just bought new coffee and don't want to waste it!
I only drink coffee on days I’m not taking my meds because it’s a double stimulant otherwise and coffee can give me the heebs regardless 😂
 
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yeah I can’t have caffeine when on medication either because it makes my heart go a bit mad
 
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This year! Am 41…I ended up paying privately more because I wanted to *know*. Genuinely spent most of my life thinking I was just a useless person. Lots of my issues are internalised social anxiety and self-hate. All unutterably better even just with the dx, and meds have been amazing for procrastination and actually getting things done. With hindsight mine has definitely evolved with life stages and only because truly difficult once I had my family.
I’m 42 and have finally got the courage to contact a private clinic and pay a deposit for an autism and ADHD assessment. Like you I just need to know for sure, and have spent most of my life feeling like a useless person, full of self-loathing.

I’m nervous though. Just the idea of having to lay bare all of my character flaws (I know they aren’t actually flaws when you’re neurodivergent, but you know what I mean) and hopefully have it confirmed that I really have been ND all my life. It’s really daunting. They will want to speak to my parents and my husband too, all of whom have said in the past “But what makes you think you’re autistic/ADHD??” And the problem is, I can list a few things and it sounds like nothing, but the real answer is everything. My whole life can be explained through a ND lens.
 
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@maytoseptember I've just booked an appointment too, and feel exactly the same. I've tried to get help so many times before and no joy, so hopefully a specialist will see it this time.
 
Quick q: does anyone on ritalin get palpitations if they drink coffee?
I've often used coffee for energy prior to diagnosis but since diagnosis every time I drink it I get really anxious fluttering.
I crave coffee most mornings, often don't have it and don't have same effect from tea.
I've tried decaf coffee but it never tastes as good.
I've just bought new coffee and don't want to waste it!
I use the half caffeinated nespresso pods (cut down from double espresso) - it’s enough to get a caffeine fix without feeling horrible x
 
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I’m 42 and have finally got the courage to contact a private clinic and pay a deposit for an autism and ADHD assessment. Like you I just need to know for sure, and have spent most of my life feeling like a useless person, full of self-loathing.

I’m nervous though. Just the idea of having to lay bare all of my character flaws (I know they aren’t actually flaws when you’re neurodivergent, but you know what I mean) and hopefully have it confirmed that I really have been ND all my life. It’s really daunting. They will want to speak to my parents and my husband too, all of whom have said in the past “But what makes you think you’re autistic/ADHD??” And the problem is, I can list a few things and it sounds like nothing, but the real answer is everything. My whole life can be explained through a ND lens.
It’s scary and you’ll have imposter syndrome, I was warned it happens and it did. I promise it’s the right decision and I feel a lot better for it. Knowing why you’re the way you are is the best feeling.
 
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Just knowing poor (in my case hopeless) executive function is a real thing was very comforting to me. All my life I'd been pondering how people would dream of , for example, climbing Everest when my biggest challenge was keeping my house tidy. 😐
 
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Just knowing poor (in my case hopeless) executive function is a real thing was very comforting to me. All my life I'd been pondering how people would dream of , for example, climbing Everest when my biggest challenge was keeping my house tidy. 😐
this exactly this 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠
 
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It’s scary and you’ll have imposter syndrome, I was warned it happens and it did. I promise it’s the right decision and I feel a lot better for it. Knowing why you’re the way you are is the best feeling.
Don’t talk to me about imposter syndrome! The administrator I spoke to on the phone actually remarked upon how normal I sounded. And I know that was a bad thing to say and she’d probably get in trouble if her bosses knew it, but at the same time I know damn well I can mask really well when I’m required to go into “professional mode”. Stick me in a busy bar when I don’t know many people, a hen do or a club… I don’t mask so well then 😅
 
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Hello, I think I've posted on this thread before but can't remember (haha, classic ADHD behaviour perhaps?).

I sought a diagnosis with the NHS 3-4 years ago and was completely fobbed off. As time has gone on, I'm contemplating going private to seek one.

I'm also motivated as a male acquaintance literally decided he had ADHD a couple of months ago. He went private straight away, got an assessment within a month of coming to this conclusion and is now on medication. I realise this sounds incredibly bitter but I was very upset when I heard this (especially with my previous experience).

I'm nearly 40 and feel like I have stumbled through life. Typical high achiever who performed badly in exams or handed in coursework written and submitted just before the deadline. My brain is *never* quiet. Meditation never works for me and believe me I've tried.

Anyway, a point to this post. Is it worth shelling out the cash for an assessment? My OH is supportive but I do think he suspects that I don't have ADHD. I am scared of paying all that money only to be told that I'm depressed or have high anxiety or just a lazy sod.
 
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