When you can’t take anymore...

[HankMcPrank]

I really don’t know what to do. I am struggling, it’s all come crashing down upon me and I don’t what to do or where to turn.

I feel a failure, my eldest child (11) completely ignores me and this has been going on for over a week now. Christmas was ruined & to top it all off, I’m trying to move house with no joy.

I’ve tried to play games, to draw,breathing excercises just to keep my mind distracted but I’ve had enough and I don’tknow what else to do.

i don’t have any family for support.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Oh no, this sounds overwhelming.

It sounds like you are feeling isolated which is no wonder without family support and a child that ignores you.

Do you have a therapist? There are good online counseling offers that are very affordable and I could recommend someone if you like.

Do you exercise? I feel like an online exercise or dance session with good music or a brisk walk or run outside helps to clear the head.

I also like aromatherapy, peppermint oil gives me a positive kick.

Would you lIke to explain what happened with your child?

 

[Gembo]

I really don’t know what to do. I am struggling, it’s all come crashing down upon me and I don’t what to do or where to turn.

I feel a failure, my eldest child (11) completely ignores me and this has been going on for over a week now. Christmas was ruined & to top it all off, I’m trying to move house with no joy.

I’ve tried to play games, to draw,breathing excercises just to keep my mind distracted but I’ve had enough and I don’tknow what else to do.

i don’t have any family for support.

It’s good that you wrote here. Sometimes we just feel desperate and don’t know what to do with ourselves. Is there anyone you can call? Can you try something like splashing your face with really cold water, putting in some earphones and blasting some music, maybe stick your head out of the front door for some cold icy air. These are things that are supposed to help take down the intensity of what we feel xx

 

[rainbowlemon]

I really don’t know what to do. I am struggling, it’s all come crashing down upon me and I don’t what to do or where to turn.

I feel a failure, my eldest child (11) completely ignores me and this has been going on for over a week now. Christmas was ruined & to top it all off, I’m trying to move house with no joy.

I’ve tried to play games, to draw,breathing excercises just to keep my mind distracted but I’ve had enough and I don’tknow what else to do.

i don’t have any family for support.

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

Try not to take your eldest kid's behaviour personally. They all go through phases and it really isn't a reflection on you. You're doing the best that you can with him/her and that's all that matters.

Forget about tomorrow for now just focus on the next 5 mins at a time. If getting into bed and watching a movie helps so be it.

There's also a few helplines too:

If you're having a difficult time

What to do if you're struggling with how it feelings to live right now. Read more about how we can help you.

www.samaritans.org

 

[Mulholland Drive]

It's good to talk and let it all out here to friendly strangers willing to help.

I don't have children so cannot give parental advice. But one thing I will strongly suggest is never turn to alcohol to get you through the real tough times!

I'm an alcoholic, and when I get depressed out come the bottles - but in essence its never the answer. And I really wouldn't recommend turning to it should you ever reach that point.

 

[HankMcPrank]

Oh no, this sounds overwhelming.

It sounds like you are feeling isolated which is no wonder without family support and a child that ignores you.

Do you have a therapist? There are good online counseling offers that are very affordable and I could recommend someone if you like.

Do you exercise? I feel like an online exercise or dance session with good music or a brisk walk or run outside helps to clear the head.

I also like aromatherapy, peppermint oil gives me a positive kick.

Would you lIke to explain what happened with your child?

I don’t know, before Christmas his behaviour changed. Ignoring & backchatting. Never had it before so it’s been a huge shock to the system. Anger too. Like frustration?

I can’t do any work outs I know this sounds silly all my body can tolerate is walking, any slight bit of exercise and I have nose bleeds badly like a tap. I was due to get my nose cauterised (I think that’s the word) but then Covid showed up so it was cancelled.

It's good to talk and let it all out here to friendly strangers willing to help.

I don't have children so cannot give parental advice. But one thing I will strongly suggest is never turn to alcohol to get you through the real tough times!

I'm an alcoholic, and when I get depressed out come the bottles - but in essence its never the answer. And I really wouldn't recommend turning to it should you ever reach that point.

I don’t drink, my dad was an alcoholic and it was awful to witness him day by day.

It’s good that you wrote here. Sometimes we just feel desperate and don’t know what to do with ourselves. Is there anyone you can call? Can you try something like splashing your face with really cold water, putting in some earphones and blasting some music, maybe stick your head out of the front door for some cold icy air. These are things that are supposed to help take down the intensity of what we feel xx

good ideas. A podcast would definitely help. Just played my Harry Potter game and okay x

 

[Gembo]

I don’t know, before Christmas his behaviour changed. Ignoring & backchatting. Never had it before so it’s been a huge shock to the system. Anger too. Like frustration?

I can’t do any work outs I know this sounds silly all my body can tolerate is walking, any slight bit of exercise and I have nose bleeds badly like a tap. I was due to get my nose cauterised (I think that’s the word) but then Covid showed up so it was cancelled.



I don’t drink, my dad was an alcoholic and it was awful to witness him day by day.



good ideas. A podcast would definitely help. Just played my Harry Potter game and okay x

Keep posting if you need to. Keep reminding yourself that these feelings will pass xx

 

[HankMcPrank]

Keep posting if you need to. Keep reminding yourself that these feelings will pass xx

thank you very much Xx.

 

[OrangeSweatshirt]

Has the child had a large amount of screen tome recently? Lots of behavioural issues being reported around that?

 

[Sticky One]

I don’t feel like I have any great advice to give but I couldn’t read and not reply. I can sympathise with you, my 9 year old can really test me some days, the back chatting, rolling of eyes, tutting at me it makes me feel such rage and I really have to take a few minutes for myself to not lose my tit. I have a 6 year old and 16 month old and some days can seem never ending and specially now with schools not going back I just wanted you to know you aren’t alone in feeling so very overwhelmed and like you are doing something wrong as a parent but we are certainly not, it’s very hard time for us and our children so I’m sending love and we are always here if you need to chat.

sometimes when my 9 year old really pushes me, I sit him down and we have a proper chat with him. Let him know how sad and overwhelmed it makes me feel, I think it’s always good for them to realise what stress they can cause specially when they are at an older age. I then will later on talk about what I’m grateful for with him and hope that sparks more of a positive attitude. Again sending love, it such a difficult time x

 

[Naataaliiee]

I have no real advice, but feel the need to reply. You are not a failure; you’ve aired your thoughts and feelings and that’s half the battle. Seek professional help if needs be, and i’d try to sit and have an honest chat with your boy. Keep your chin up, things WILL get better x

 

[LennyBriscoe]

I wish I had something helpful to say but I just wanted to send you love. Maybe something is going on for your eldest - maybe they’re struggling to deal with what’s going on in the world or something happened at school? My son’s a good bit younger but I remember when I was 11, it was my folks who got the brunt of it.

It’s so hard to even get out and about just now, is there anything you can do at home with your other child(ren)?

You have my sympathy re moving. Our flat has been on the market for two longer years and I’m getting desperate too. I don’t know when it will be but we will both get a move!

Please don’t be hard on yourself as that won’t do any of you any good. We have been thrust into the most difficult and unprecedented times and the support services are buckling. It sounds a bit nuts but my year would have been so much tougher without Tattle so stick with the winners kiddo

 

[Happyvalley]

If it’s any consolation my child is 12 and all he wants to do is sit in his room playing computer games. Doesn’t want to interact, come out for a walk with us or spend any time with us. Every day is a battle with him. If I ask him anything the answer is why or no. Hopefully they will grow out of it, I try hard not to take it personally, I think a lot of us parents are doing through it. I don’t know how to help you, I’m sorry but just know you’re not alone and not the only one going through that. Covid has really made things so much more difficult. Hope things improve for you soon. Put on a podcast, go for a walk and be kind to yourself x

 

[Babyyoda88]

So sorry to hear what you’re going through!

I don’t have much advice and it might be complete rubbish so please feel free to ignore...

May be sitting down and talking with your child and just see what’s going on with them, try (very hard I know) not to take anything they say personally but come at it in a way where you say I can see you’re frustrated/angry/sad etc it’s ok to feel those things but it’s not ok to be rude to me, do you want to talk about it and see if we can solve it together? Or I’m feeling those things too, if we talk together may be we can help each other etc. As I say that might not be helpful so I’m sorry.

Other members have suggested some things that calm you down when feeling overwhelmed there also some other things that are meant to help...
Having a shower and being able to have it as cold or hot as you want
Drink cold water use ice or lemon if you need to for an extra boost
Blast music (which you’ve tried)
Prepare food or clean something
Go for a walk and spend some time in nature.

Again I’m sorry if these are useless, just some strategies that may help.

Sending you lots of love and really hope things get better for you x x

 

[Bizziebody]

When my grandchild began acting in a similar manner, they had to quit with the Tik Tok, and a very close eye was kept on what youtube stuff they were viewing.
More sport and outdoor activities were encouraged too. Not sure if this is helpful in the current lockdown situation. Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[GetOffMyLawn]

Sending you a virtual hug

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I don’t know, before Christmas his behaviour changed. Ignoring & backchatting. Never had it before so it’s been a huge shock to the system. Anger too. Like frustration?

I can’t do any work outs I know this sounds silly all my body can tolerate is walking, any slight bit of exercise and I have nose bleeds badly like a tap. I was due to get my nose cauterised (I think that’s the word) but then Covid showed up so it was cancelled.



I don’t drink, my dad was an alcoholic and it was awful to witness him day by day.



good ideas. A podcast would definitely help. Just played my Harry Potter game and okay x

Hmm, my niece is 11 and it sounds like your son is closer to becoming a teenager. My advice would be to give him space and not badger him, instead be friendly and show your willingness to talk. Maybe cook his favorite meal, buy him a magazine - show any small acts of kindness so that he sees that you are in his corner.
I know it sounds like you reward him for this behavior, but bear in mind that he is still a child and is more controlled by his emotions.
It will pass and if you accept it rather than force him to change his behavior (which he will rebel against) it will pass quicker.

It is great that you enjoy walking and podcasts.
Can you get out for a walk every day whilst listening to a podcast? I can recommend Happier by Gretchen Rubin, Psychology in Seattle, the YogaGirl podcast, Pod save the Queen.
If you try to be disciplined and do thus every day then your mood will improve plus you get new ideas and input.

Maybe you can also choose a topic to learn more about (history, nutrition, whatever interests you) or start a project like knitting something

 

[HankMcPrank]

Has the child had a large amount of screen tome recently? Lots of behavioural issues being reported around that?

not a lot, but YouTube has been a firm favourite

Thank you all so much, it has really lifted me like you wouldn’t believe. I am so thankful we have tattle as it’s truly a wonderful place. I’m just catching up on the thread but thank you once again, xxxx

 

[Kim Mild]

I think your son may be feeling a bit overwhelmed by the situation and it could be affecting his mental health a bit . Is there a way for him to have a bit space? Can he be send on errands like to the post box himself? Or outdoors for exercise himself and leave him home alone for a short while and the rest of the household pop out for a walk?

 

[Saddlesoap]

Do glad you reached out, sometimes it's better just to write your feelings down.

I don't have kids, but have nephews a bit older than your boy. It sounds like he's probably dealing with teenage hormones and unsure how to deal with them. Don't take it to heart. Could he be missing his mates if it's just been over Christmas?

You say you can't exercise, but walking is one on the best forms of therapy. Could you manage yoga, or would the inversions bring on a nose bleed? Meditation is good, you seem silly at first, but try and get past it. Sometimes I just 'shake it off', literally, shake my arms, legs and body, usually if I can't sleep. It's a dog behaviour thing, but I think it works!

See, smell, touch and hear is useful to focus the mind. Name one thing you can see, smell, touch and hear. And deep belly breaths, humans generally breathe too shallow.

Make sure you're not clenching your teeth, I do it when I'm stressed/anxious and it makes it worse.

Could you clean the house? That helps me keep my mind occupied.