Today, I’ve had enough of so much. Mainly I’m sick of people being physically aggressive to me, now including my 8 year old son.
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This morning. I think I’m depressed, I had a baby earlier this year and tbh the first 3/4 months are a blur I genuinely can’t remember much. I also admitted to my partner that I’ve been having intrusive thoughts and feeling like I’ve made a massive mistake (I know I haven’t, I love my baby very much and wouldn’t change him for the world). I’ve also managed to convince myself that the two miscarriages I had before this baby was something higher up trying to tell me I’m not cut out for this life. I just miss “feeling alive” if that makes any sense x
This afternoon when leaving a restaurant. There are lots of cats and this little kitten came and sat with me and fell asleep till I got up to leave, it broke my heart as it tried to follow me and I had to leave it behind 
Trying to hold back just now. I’m so worried about my mum and fearing the worst about her health. The GP practise doesn’t care at all.
oh im so so sorry to hear this ,I had a baby in 2020 and another in 2021 and i sufferef terribly with postnatal depression,anxiety and hallucinations.Please reach out to your doctor today and anyone around you who you trust enough to tell.Its great youve opened up to your partner as i beleive the more you talk about whats going on in your head the better.Dont feel ashamed ,just keep talking .Has he been supportive ? Ive been on sertraline since i was pregnant with my second and it saved my life,i really dont think id be here without it.Have you thought about medication ? it can take a while to get the right one and the right dose for you but like i say it saved me from ending it all.Please know it does get better and i bet you are a wonderful mummy who absolutley deserves their child and deserves to be happy.This isnt you,its just your mind playing tricks on you and you wont always feel this week.As for the intrusive thoughts ,i still get them now but i do try to let them come and go,accept the thought then let it pass .I used to get so angry about the fact my mind was letting me have them but i found it better to let myself just go with it .
Im sorry about the massive ramble its just a subject very close to my heart .Im thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon x
Go to your doctors hun you are depressed I felt exactly the same. Get a three month course of anti depressants it will top up your serotonin and everything else get multi vit too get up out with your baby for a nice walk and fresh air you will soon feel better but it will take time x sending best wishes and hope your spirits are lifted....
I’d also consider counselling if you can, you’ve been through a lot before having your baby and you can’t be expected to flick a switch and be all happy and bright right after what you have experienced. I remember getting PND and my baby was born soon after my dad died. I can remember not letting myself feel happy about my baby until she was born and even then I struggled. Give yourself grace
i came to write the same thing. I cried all weekend and yesterday because i’m so worried for her health. wishing you and your mum well
This morning I cried happy tears. I’ve had the most overwhelming year. Broke away from an abusive man, and never expected I’d ever find someone who made me feel safe. My life is taking a new direction and full of love and peace. I will no doubt cry more tears of happiness, whilst being so thankful for coming out of darkness back in to the light
I cried yesterday after hearing my mum cry down the phone because my dad is dying. Broke my heart hearing her pain. I have a terrible relationship with my parents, but I will never forget that cry. 
I almost feel too down to cry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't bring myself to be happy that everything is fine right now in life. Like dull but fine. I know I'm so lucky but I feel ..meh. in just sad all the time and getting sick of myself!. I fell at the weekend and I'm quite sore. Took the day off work sick today which I havnt done in ages. Just can't being myself to an work at all. I usually force myself through it but just can't right now.
Yesterday, just out of sheer frustration of my own fears about a procedure I’m having tomorrow. I know it’s the unknown, it’s the not knowing that’s the worst.
Today. and currently as I type this. I'm just super overwhelmed with life at the moment.
I'm alive because I can afford to spend thousands on therapy, but what's the point? I've just been in a lot a pain for a long time now.
I'm alive because I can afford to spend thousands on therapy, but what's the point? I've just been in a lot a pain for a long time now.
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about 5 times today. i’ve had a tit year and i’m overwhelmed with life and change
You’re so kind
I’m going to call the doctors on Thursday I can’t tomorrow as I’m busy all day… but I’m finally going to do something about it xxxThank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry to hear your story too
You’re all really kind on here… I’m going to do something about it this week finally. I just feel so silly like I’m wasting their time almost but I’ve felt like a different person since I first got pregnant in 2020 I just don’t feel like the old me anymore, I’ve forgotten who I was. I have sort of accepted that as I’m a mother now, but I feel like somethings just missing and my personality has changed so much I just don’t like the person I’ve become xxx
You’re so kind
Thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry to hear your story too
youre definitley not wasting anyones time ,you deserve to feel happy again and enjoy your baby.Youre not well and its not your fault,that what the drs are there for and i assure you that no decent doctor would feel you are wasting their time.Our mental health is just as important as our pysical.Especially when youve got a little one relying on you.
I can totally relate to the feelings of being lost,feeling like youve changed ,not yourself etc .I have an older child (8) and i will say from experience that you will feel yourself again.Maybe not who you were pre baby but perhaps you will love the 'new you' ,the mum you even more.Youve just gone through the most life altering thing any woman can experience ,no wonder we feel lost .But you will feel like you again ,i promise x
These first few years ,especially when theyre tiny are so so tough,dont put yourself down or feel ashamed for feeling how you do ,your feelings are totally valid .Im pleased youre going to try and get some help and i hope you have brighter days soon
It’s just awful isn’t it. I really hope your mum is ok. Thank you and same to youi came to write the same thing. I cried all weekend and yesterday because i’m so worried for her health. wishing you and your mum well
Sending you love.Last night, been holding it in today. My dad died last week
There’s also a few charities that provide support if you need it.
Cruse Bereavement Support
Grief can be overwhelming - you don't have to deal with it alone. Cruse Bereavement Support is here. Call our helpline or chat online.
www.cruse.org.uk
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