What would you do? (Ref Sexuality)

[GiggleBee]

My friends 14 year old has been very open to me and expressed she thinks she could be bisexual. She said she had feelings for a girl but knows it could all change as she gets older. I told her she will be whoever she is and it doesn't matter who she loves because it changes nothing about her.

I told her I wouldnt tell anyone and she could always confide in me.

Her sibling Im guessing also knew and told her parents today who lost it. Said shes been brainwashed and children her age couldnt make that choice. I was there when this all took place. I didnt say anything. Ive spoken to the daughter after it all calmed down and said I'm still here for her.

Should I admit to my friend I know? Her daughter has said she wouldn't say I know. Or do I keep her trust and not say anything. Im just worried things might blow up and I don't want to be caught in the middle.

 

[Kim Mild]

Don't tell your friend what her daughter told you in confidence. That would be betrayal, and she obviously trusts you.

 

[LaBlonde]

Don't tell your friend what her daughter told you in confidence. That would be betrayal, and she obviously trusts you.

absolutely this.

op - it sounds like this girl very much needs someone who she knows she can trust and confide in, i wouldn’t betray that. especially when her sister already has.

i do get your worry about being caught in the middle though. did you know your friend would react in this way? it seems very ott and is only going to put tremendous pressure on her daughter. could you gently talk things through with your friend (not saying you knew anything) - the situation sadly sounds like it’s only going to escalate

 

[Snippysnips]

I agree, let her know you are there for her an she can come to you but don't say a thing, the last thing a teen needs is seeing something they thought they trusted betray them, it will probably unfortunately blow up at some point but that isn't your fault an can't be helped, it's easier to mend a battle, time will heal that, but if you lose trust you may never get it again

 

[GiggleBee]

I never want to betray her trust. Shes such a sweet girl and I have told her she can trust me, Ive also though told her not to tell her mum I know, which she said she wouldn't.

Im a very anxious person and I dont want to get the whole "you knew and didn't tell me/supported her" ect from my friend.

I dont have a problem though with whoever she becomes but I think her parents will/do have. It breaks my heart that it cant be accepted or even just a "well that's how you feel right now but things might change" attitude. Parents are very set in their ways and nothing I would say would change what they think.

 

[Snippysnips]

It's a hard place to be so I hope it works out an they eventually see that at the end of the day that's their kid an so long as she's happy then it doesn't matter who she's with, my mates parents had to eventually accept it when my mate come out, I think it first it was more disappoiment because they expected their kids to in a way follow their footsteps but my mate is extremely happy with her partner an her folks see that an are fine now, I think they wanted the whole grow up, get married, have kids, settle down etc but have come to see she isn't them an wants to keep traveling an doesn't want kids

 

[GiggleBee]

It's a hard place to be so I hope it works out an they eventually see that at the end of the day that's their kid an so long as she's happy then it doesn't matter who she's with, my mates parents had to eventually accept it when my mate come out, I think it first it was more disappoiment because they expected their kids to in a way follow their footsteps but my mate is extremely happy with her partner an her folks see that an are fine now, I think they wanted the whole grow up, get married, have kids, settle down etc but have come to see she isn't them an wants to keep traveling an doesn't want kids

Yes I think they also expect the get married, have kids ect. She has other siblings though, so I beleive theyll get that.

I do get what she means about the kids being brainwashed in a sense that they now have classes on LGBT ect half the girls year is either gay, bi or They/them.

This girl though has never followed the trend, shes always happy to be different. So I dont think this is a case of her trying to fit in because shes never wanted or needed too.

 

[Snippysnips]

Yes I think they also expect the get married, have kids ect. She has other siblings though, so I beleive theyll get that.

I do get what she means about the kids being brainwashed in a sense that they now have classes on LGBT ect half the girls year is either gay, bi or They/them.

This girl though has never followed the trend, shes always happy to be different. So I dont think this is a case of her trying to fit in because shes never wanted or needed too.

That's good she isn't following the trend but more because it's who she is, sometimes I wonder if kids know who they are deep down because all of this is being pressured onto them, an social media isn't helping, it's like when I hear little kids say they are the opposite so the parents jump on the whole trans thing when in reality the kid is too young to even know the difference between both, my neice right now calls herself a boy but everyone's a boy to her

 

[GiggleBee]

That's good she isn't following the trend but more because it's who she is, sometimes I wonder if kids know who they are deep down because all of this is being pressured onto them, an social media isn't helping, it's like when I hear little kids say they are the opposite so the parents jump on the whole trans thing when in reality the kid is too young to even know the difference between both, my neice right now calls herself a boy but everyone's a boy to her

I completely agree there is a lot of pressure and I think if she was 7/8 saying this Id understand her parents reaction, but shes 14.

I want to say something to her parents, not that I know but more of just let her be ect. They just get so defensive though and dont listen.

This kept me up alot last night. I feel I need to speak to the daughter again, see how she's doing but its trying to get her alone.