What is your biggest regret?

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I have lots of regrets but one of my biggest ones is that in my early 20s after uni I started going out with a guy who was black. At the time I was friends with a really toxic group of people who just weren't pleasant but because we had been through uni together and worked in the same field I was really preoccupied with staying friends with them. They were all couples and very stuck up and were also very racist as became apparent.

Their constant digs and judgement meant I broke things off with him. Not saying he would have been the love of my life or anything like that, I mean who knows? But I am so angry with myself sometimes when I think about it that I let this horrible group of people influence me like this because that wasn't my opinion, or values. I'm Irish as well and they used to be so horrible about it I was basically the running joke of the group.

What I don't regret is "falling out with them"...the world didn't end and after a few months I realised duck them they were awful people. I often pay too much attention to what people think but this is my biggest regret that instead of just telling them to duck off I dumped this poor guy and he was lovely!!! And gorgeous! And I liked him! That should have been enough!

Please don't bash me I've done it enough to myself over the years!
I don’t think anyone would bash you for this.

I’m sorry this happened to you and him. That’s really unfair.

it’s great that you have got that toxic group away from you: they weren’t friends and you definitely don’t need them.

Can completely understand you beating yourself up over the years but please don’t. By your post you clearly don’t hold those views and sought to remedy the situation by getting rid of that friend group. Now you know that if you ever met a black/POC man and were interested in a relationship that nothing would hold you back.
 
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I don’t think anyone would bash you for this.

I’m sorry this happened to you and him. That’s really unfair.

it’s great that you have got that toxic group away from you: they weren’t friends and you definitely don’t need them.

Can completely understand you beating yourself up over the years but please don’t. By your post you clearly don’t hold those views and sought to remedy the situation by getting rid of that friend group. Now you know that if you ever met a black/POC man and were interested in a relationship that nothing would hold you back.
Thank you! I look back and think to myself why why why did I ever seek to be friends with them. They were racist to me FFS. I look back sometimes and just get this hot feeling around my neck it makes me so angry.

I look at his insta profile sometimes..I think he's the one who got away....so handsome, so nice, so interesting :love:

The only good thing I have got out of it is that I am now a huge advocate of "if you like her/him/it then you do you". I have a child of my own and think I will strive in my parenting for him to pursue interests and date people and have life experiences that HE wants and tell him in child friendly language to duck what anyone thinks. If people ask me advice I always put massive emphasis on "but does it make YOU happy?"..but still argh my biggest regret that I didn't stand up for myself, for him, and for being a good person
 
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Not being able to communicate with my mother. She had a disconnected childhood, which made her unable to be a warm mother herself.
There was nothing I could do and I'm still struggling to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault.
I miss so much the relationship we should have had, and she's passed now so it's too late.
 
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Everyone is writing such beautiful and heartfelt ones. And mine is not having shagging the total ride I had a massive crush on for years but bottled it.
 
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I regret wasting my 20’s with 3 men who were the biggest waste of space. Went on holiday once with one of them, just allowed myself to settle. I’m glad I made the decision to not waste my 30’s the same way
 
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Spending my early twenties with a small dick loser who cheated and lied & who's mother licked the plate .(iykyk).
 
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Everyone is writing such beautiful and heartfelt ones. And mine is not having shagging the total ride I had a massive crush on for years but bottled it.
Mine is very similar! Liked someone for around ten years in my younger days. We worked together. Not until I was moving away with now husband did he tell me he had liked me for years too but never said anything. Im very happy but often think of the one that got away.
 
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I regret not going to proper college and getting a degree.

I also regret not changing my name and starting a new life.
 
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Everyone is writing such beautiful and heartfelt ones. And mine is not having shagging the total ride I had a massive crush on for years but bottled it.
This made me HOWL!! 😂😂

I think ALL of us have those regrets. My “wish I had not been so down on myself” when younger ties into this. I had the BIGGEST crush on a boy at school. Into same music, smart, skater and had the most intense blue eyes. I hid it from everyone. Now as an adult with confidence I now see that he totally would have. 💔

Still see those beautiful eyes! They were incredible honestly.
 
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This made me HOWL!! 😂😂

I think ALL of us have those regrets. My “wish I had not been so down on myself” when younger ties into this. I had the BIGGEST crush on a boy at school. Into same music, smart, skater and had the most intense blue eyes. Hid it from everyone. Now as an adult with confidence I now see that he totally would have. 💔

Still see those beautiful eyes! They were incredible honestly.
I hear you :-(
 
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I wish I had not been such a pushover and people pleaser, I could have done so much better at school and college than I did. I Just couldn’t be bothered. My college didn’t even call me or my mum ONCE when I didn’t show up for weeks at a time. I got pushed into doing things I didn’t want to do all the time, because I was desperate for people to like me. Looking back I think I was depressed. I got zero support or affection from my mum from childhood and used to wish I was dead quite a lot.
 
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Mine is very similar! Liked someone for around ten years in my younger days. We worked together. Not until I was moving away with now husband did he tell me he had liked me for years too but never said anything. Im very happy but often think of the one that got away.
I bottled it because I was still in a relationship which I was unhappy in. I didn't want to cheat but I wish I had given how it ended. He was my first crush, I worshipped him and when he came onto me I couldn't believe it. Then he was in a relationship when mine ended and then we bumped into each other again but I had just got into a relationship with my now husband. He was gorgeous and I do kick myself. It wouldnt have gone anywhere as I was a bit too much for him but I'd have had fun.
 
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I bottled it because I was still in a relationship which I was unhappy in. I didn't want to cheat but I wish I had given how it ended. He was my first crush, I worshipped him and when he came onto me I couldn't believe it. Then he was in a relationship when mine ended and then we bumped into each other again but I had just got into a relationship with my now husband. He was gorgeous and I do kick myself. It wouldnt have gone anywhere as I was a bit too much for him but I'd have had fun.
It’s like sliding doors. I think cease the moment is advice I would give my younger self. But I think when you are younger you are scared of rejection, but sometimes a leap of faith is all it takes. Our stories sound similar. Thankfully for me there’s no chance of bumping into him as we now live miles apart. I don’t have accounts with Facebook , Instagram or anywhere I can be found, because I’m not sure how I would feel if he contacted me.
 
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Having an abortion just over a year ago.
I was living my best life living in Spain independently and had a best friend there who was 20 years older than me (it was a small community and you make friends with people from all different walks of life). We had been friends and one day we confessed our love for one another - quite fairytale like. Despite our differences, we started a passionate and very loved up relationship together and months later I fell pregnant.

We had always spoken about babies. I have been broody since as long as I can remember. But when reality hit, he became so doubtful and scared. I was away from my family and friends. I had no one to turn to but him who was freaking out. I finally told my parents and older brother and my brother mentioned an abortion. From there my partner just went into a spiral and booked an abortion in a Spanish hospital. I had no idea what to do and felt I had no other option but to go. I remember crying my eyes out to the doctor and often wonder why the duck he didn’t question whether this is really what I wanted. But it’s not his fault.

i have never ever forgiven myself for doing that. I regret it every single day. I’m scared I’ll have issues down the line because of it too.

i have never told anyone the way I feel about this.
 
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Not standing up for myself with a work bully. This person went mental at me and I just sat there and took it, I also ended up losing my job due to this person. Afterwards, I cried for 6 months every single day. It ruined my self-esteem and confidence. Looking back I should have stood up and said my piece, but I wasn't strong enough. It did teach me that I shouldn't let people walk all over me and to be more confident with myself.
Don't beat yourself up, you do always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would make excuses for a woman being a c u next Tuesday to me in work e.g "she's maybe had a tough day" "I'll give her a chance to apologise" then noticed a pattern emerging so took it further

6 complaints from me to management, other colleagues complaining about her practice, many arguments between me and her, nothing seemed to change until 14 months later my manager caught her in the act being abusive. She's now sacked also facing a reprimand from the regulatory body!! What goes around always comes around for these nasty vile people
 
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Don't beat yourself up, you do always want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would make excuses for a woman being a c u next Tuesday to me in work e.g "she's maybe had a tough day" "I'll give her a chance to apologise" then noticed a pattern emerging so took it further

6 complaints from me to management, other colleagues complaining about her practice, many arguments between me and her, nothing seemed to change until 14 months later my manager caught her in the act being abusive. She's now sacked also facing a reprimand from the regulatory body!! What goes around always comes around for these nasty vile people
Thank you. I wasn't feeling very confident in the first place and I think this person found that weakness and used it for their own gain. Management was very much on that person side and they never came to me for help. I should have stood my ground both with this person and my management. I also have noticed that after I left not many people stuck around for very long.
 
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This could be upsetting/triggering for some. I hope I don’t upset/offend anyone.

One I’ve started to come to terms with recently is cremating my son. I never considered burial and my ex and I never really discussed it but I regretted it for a while. I wanted him whole, when we got his remains it just felt so undignified and wrong. It wasn’t my boy, it was just a container filled with a substance I couldn’t connect with or even consider as having any relation to my child. He was a bright spark with a huge smile and so full of life. So far apart from what they gave me.

I have night terrors and for the first months after he died I had horrible ones about them giving me the wrong child in an urn, or them cremating him accidentally while he’s still alive. I’ve come to terms with it now and I’m comfortable enough with it but that was really tough to deal with for so long. I can’t even describe it but it’s crushing.
I can’t imagine how you even manage to breath each morning, the sadness you must carry. I am so so sorry but I think you’re so brave to share your thoughts on her. There are beautiful things that can be done with ashes now, such as being mixed in with tattoo ink or turned into diamonds. Obviously it’s a very personal decision but I just couldn’t read your post without sending love x
 
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I regret not moving to Australia years ago.
I have family there and visited a few times and just wish I could move there. I donr have a career on the skilled job list though and too old for the regional work visa now.

I also wish i had a better career. I never finished uni. At the time I just told everyone I hated my course and would do baxk eventually but really I was CRIPPLED with anxiety and couldn't face anything.

At that time anxiety wasn't even called anxiety. Nobody talked about it. I sometimes wonder where I would be if I was a teen now with plenty of mental health awareness. I'm still scared by everything but not as much as I was. And now I'm more open about how things make me feel, like just be honest if I am too anxious whereas years ago I'd never admit it.

I still remember that overwhelming feeling of wanting to scream at everyone how scared I was but instead making out i was fine. Even typing this out feels good cos I still have never really talked about it properly
 
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I've had a partying lifestyle in my twenties and early thirties and now I'm worried it might be too late for having children, however I still want to travel so I'm having a constant internal debate which exhausts me. I regret being too nice and not standing up for myself more because I hate conflicts. I regret having spent too many years in a job because the pay and benefits were good whilst the atmosphere was toxic, some colleagues backstabbing me and not utilising any skills I had learned. Thankfully I have moved to a city I love and my current job is miles better with kind people in my team. Funny how the lockdown had me made reflect the past even more than I usually do.
 
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I regret tanking my A level exams. I had great coursework marks but I turned 18 just before final A2 exams and that finally being able to go out bevving was more interesting than studying. I’d pushed myself for 2 years but couldn’t push that last month. Didn’t get into my 1st choice uni. But, if I hadn’t gone to my current uni I wouldn’t have met my amazing partner. So swings and roundabouts.

Regret not learning to drive sooner. I can now but it was a long slog and I spent 2 years commuting to another city via public transport which was just horrible.

i spent a lot of 2015/2016 depressed and regret not pulling myself out of it sooner.

I regret waiting until last year to get properly healthy, having blood tests to check my intolerances and exercising every day. I feel so much better and I hate that it took me til now to sort it as I feel like I wasted so much time on being unhealthy but hating my body.

regret my credit card spending. Working my way out of it now but it’s hard. I’m worried about buying a house.
 
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