What is the hardest thing you had to go through in life and could you overcome it

New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
@Annie101 I really wish I could give you a big hug and make it all go away. The description of crying before and after work resonates with me as I have found myself in that spot.

The thing is, you're enabling his drinking by keeping his secret for him, and he will continue in this cycle because you love him too much to walk away (literally the definition of co-dependent and enabling). It's a terrible place to be. The cycle has to be broken.

I'm happy to see that you're both attending AA/support meetings, but I would second the advice you got earlier about therapy. It is required to empower him to deal with the issues that drive him to drink. And it is required for you to heal from the trauma you are now experiencing and to understand why you are enabling him (it's not simply love; it's often a form of self-punishment because we feel we don't deserve better). A good therapist will save both of you and your relationship.

You deserve better. Life is short and you shouldn't be spending your days terrified and in agony. :(

Addiction is a terrible disease and I understand it traps you and him together in this cage. Nothing about this is easy. :(

The fact that he locked you out shows his behaviour is escalating. At what point will you walk away and prevent him from hurting you further? Please don't feel obliged to reply to this here as I'm not trying to pry, but this is something you have to consider privately. What if he becomes violent? How much are you going to tolerate? You have to think about these things because it's already starting to go in that direction. You have to think ahead and plan for what you would do if he locked you out again or if he hit you. Please have a plan in place just in case. And think about how much is too much for you- because there has to be a line that shouldn't be crossed, or else this will just keep escalating. It just breaks my heart.

Please know I am not judging him or you, I speak only from my own experience which is similar but not exactly the same, so my advice is limited to what little I have given. Counselling with a professional who works with alcoholics, in addition to AA, is necessary. I hope you can get him to agree to go with you.

Please stay safe and stay strong.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 3
I overcame a 14 year addiction and I can safely say it was the hardest thing I’ve done. I was convinced I wouldn’t see 30 because I didn’t know a way out. It involved a lot of professional help, inward thinking and support from people close. As lots of people have said, counselling is amazing if you’re a talker! If you’re not it can be really tough to engage. Sometimes the biggest battle you win in a day is the one where you get out of bed and that’s okay. It’s still a win.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 4
My partner was controlling, a narcissist and led a double life with another family elsewhere. My first pregnancy was twins and I lost one at 17 weeks but thankfully his brother managed to hold on and was born only 3 weeks early, a healthy handsome boy. During the pregnancy I was helping my Mum nurse my father at home who was dying of cancer and he was determined to live to meet his first grandchild which he did and died when my son was only 4 weeks old.
After my father died, my partners controlling behaviour became unbearable and then I became pregnant again. He left repeatedly and like a fool I would take him back. I eventually saw sense and threw him out the night before our second son was born, so I went into labour, asked my Mum to look after my little boy, drove myself to hospital to give birth and came home when my baby was 8hours old.
I was self employed so straight back to work to bring in a wage to look after my two boys as my partner declined any financial help. My Mum was amazing.
Not going into detail but my younger son had a life limiting condition which was a missed / failed diagnosis and only discovered after being blue-lighted to Intensive Care. The late diagnosis reduced his life expectancy from 30 + years to unlikely to make it to his teens. Training up to do IV's etc at home and with CHAS helping with end of life care meant my precious boy died suddenly but peacefully in my arms one night at home - he was 12. It was so sudden that the CHAS team were not there so it was just us. The physical pain of grief was incredible but I had a 14 year old son to support who had been a young carer and he had just lost not only his brother but his best friend and partner in crime.
7 years on, the pain has subsided from feeling like my heart had physically been ripped out to a dull ache that never goes away, but we had 12 fantastic years which is more than many people get with their children and I conceived three boys, gave birth to two and still have one I can physically hug. Some people never get that chance.
I have always said it is a great thing we cannot bargain, as I would give one year of my life for one more day with my son but that one day would never be enough.
My Mum is now in the very last stages of her life and I feel when she dies I will have lost not only a fantastic Mum but someone with whom I share countless memories of my boys as children.
Some things in life you overcome, some swamp you and others you learn to live with.
If you have some good friends around you - really true friends, it can make a difference. It may be only one or two people and they may live close by or be on the end of a phone but they are often the ones that get you through.
 
  • Sad
  • Like
Reactions: 15
Can I be honest. I’ve been through some tit but the hardest thing was watching the person I fell madly in love with love someone else.
I have moved on now and found someone had a family but when I see him or hear his name inside it does feel like a punch to the gut. It’s insane how much it affected me.
I wanted to write on here but felt like my pain was nothing compared to everyone else’s losses/pain. But I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get over the pain of being heartbroken - my partner left me after 8 years together leaving me with a 2 year old and straight away had a fling with a young girl in the office. It hurt so so much like physically I feel like I’ll never get over it. He was my first boyfriend too so I’d never had to see the person I loved with someone else, we were also engaged and I never want to be engaged again i feel like I can never re-live that magical moment again. I guess it’s still quite raw so I can’t imagine anyone seeing me naked again or sharing pregnancy/childbirth again with anyone. But everyday I feel a bit better and my little boy has pulled me through it more than anyone 💗
 
  • Like
  • Sad
Reactions: 5
I have Crohn's Disease. I've had the majority of my large bowel removed and contracted sepsis after the operation. I'm currently on chemo and steroids to control it. If this fails i will have a stoma with hopes that will ease things. During this time my hair has fallen out, i got let go from work because of my illness and time off. A close friend of mine who i knew because of Crohns killed themselves because of the disease. Im currently feeling a little better but its been a tit couple of years. Its only up from here (fingers crossed hehe).
 
Last edited:
  • Like
  • Sad
Reactions: 5
I won’t share mine because it pales in comparison, but just know that you’re all bleeping badass warriors for getting through all that you have. ❤
 
  • Like
Reactions: 3
As someone said above I definitely recommend therapy and try and find the right person and it will help!
I was sexually abused as a child by my older brother and never told my mum as she suffered with severe depression and I knew it would kill her - my brother was also her favourite so maybe I thought she wouldn’t believe me 🤷‍♀️ She died 2 years ago from alcoholic liver disease and I did think of telling her on her death bed but then thought there’s no point. I still fell so angry all the time (I don’t speak to my brother but he lives near so see him sometimes) but you can’t let the anger weigh you down. I’m reading a few self help books so hopefully that will help.
I’ve also had lots of suicidal feelings and wished a serious illness on myself but these days if I can get through one day without thinking this I know I’ve done good 👍
Chin up because us women are made of strong stuff xx
You are amazing. Have you considered going to the police about your brother? I know it would be hard, but it's possible he will do the same to someone else. Does he have children or is he in contact with them? Who have you talked to about this? I wish you peace.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Just wanted to say how sad but also how supportive and empowering this thread is. I hope others are reading and getting comfort from it. Those of you who have gone through such dreadful things I salute you. You are strong and brave and I too wish you peace.
 
  • Like
  • Heart
Reactions: 7
I'm a rape survivor. I was raped and abused by my ex in the last few months of our relationship. It was 5 years ago now.

I haven't been able to have sex since. I had a boyfriend for 2 years recently and not having much intimacy killed the relationship and it stings cause I wanted to have sex with him.

I was in hospital last year and my anxiety, depression and ptsd is all ok now. I have to see a sex therapist this year and use dialotors, I'm dreading it but have to get it sorted once and for all.

I am so sorry for everything you're going through. As for your husband, maybe some couples counselling? As well as individual counselling for you. Counselling sounds daunting and scary but it can really be so helpful in helping us work through hard things and get our thoughts straight.

The hardest thing I've gone through was losing my 4 year old son. That was 4 years ago and it's not something I'll ever overcome. It's taken over every fibre of my being and every second of my life. I think about him ALL the time, which I wouldn't think was possible but he's on my mind 24/7 and I miss him so much. I don't know how I get through it and how I'm still here, but I am.

Knowing I have to get through the rest of my life without him is incredibly hard, but I have my two other kids and I know it would hurt them more if they couldn't have me as their Mum for the rest of my life. I have to be here for them.
♥♥♥♥♥♥
 
  • Like
Reactions: 1
It's amazing what you can go without realising how strong you all are
I wrote a blog to help me and help other people know that life can get better. unbeatenmystory.wordpress.com
 
  • Like
Reactions: 2
Reading these have made me incredibly sad, especially those who have lost children. I am sending so much love, I don't really have any other words. I hope life is kinder to all of you. I will share mine in a little while.

I had an unsettled childhood. My dad is foreign and left to live in his country when I was about 3, shortly after my older sister was diagnosed with cancer. My mum was away with her in hospital a lot and I stayed with family members. When I was very young I couldn't understand why both my parents had left me. After years of fighting, when I was 7 (and my sister was 16) she passed away in the night. We were living with my grandparents and she had a bed set up in the living room. The following morning I woke up for school, went downstairs to have my breakfast and discovered her body. I asked my mum why she wasnt breathing and she told me she was dead. I won't ever forget that moment.
After that we lived with my grandparents for years, my mum was suicidal and could only provide the most basic care for me and my younger sister. I had no real support and was left to get on with things, I cried myself to sleep most nights and had nightmares often. I also felt like I wanted to die a lot of the time.
When I was 12, my mum found us a house to live in and I was excited that we were going to be a normal family. My mums boyfriend also moved in though, he was nasty, controlling and abusive (mostly towards me). Their relationship finally ended years later when he threw her over a chair and fractured her skull and broke her ribs (he did this in front of me, I had to kick him out and call her an ambulance and go to the hospital with her).
Before this though I couldn't stand living with him and left to go and live with my dad, he was emotionally abusive. He would create arguments with me (for example ask me if I actually loved him, then accuse me of lying and say I dont love him). He would punish me by giving me the silent treatment, I would be kept in my bedroom only allowed out to go to school and allowed one meal a day. This would go on for weeks until I would break down, cry and apologise then he would be ok with me again for a couple weeks until the cycle started again. After a year of this he kicked me out and sent me back to England.
At this point I was 14 and my mum wouldn't let me back to her so I went to live with my grandparents again, probably the most settled couple years of my life! Once I left school at 16 I went to live with my mum but our relationship broke down quickly (I was angry, naughty, full of attitude and off the rails), I ended up living in a b&b as a child in care. I moved between temporary accommodation for 2 years then when I was 18 met a man a fair bit older than me and got pregnant. He was also very controlling (there is SO much I could say about him but honestly I am the least affected by him and what he did I dont even think about it. He was recently sectioned and I'm aware that his other childs mum to this day has nightmares about him), I had a difficult pregnancy then had a little girl, stillborn at 27 weeks. After the funeral, within 3 months of each other my lovely nanny passed away, I haemorrhaged and needed emergency surgery and my daughters father beat me literally black and blue.
I left him and met my current partner and my healing began. Slowly but surely things got better and the awful things stopped happening - I was given a council flat in an area nearby and it was the fresh start I needed. As time went on things got more and more settled and I started to become the person I wanted to be, started working and built up my confidence. I had a baby who is 4 now and things just got better.
Last year I got pregnant again, at my 20 week scan my baby was diagnosed with open spina bifida. He appeared to already have no movement in his legs and would have been severely disabled, I had to make the difficult decision to end the pregnancy. I gave birth at the end of June and he is buried with my daughter.
However, I am ok. Actually, I'm happy. My life has been chaotic and traumatic but I'm settled now. I have a good relationship with both my parents, I have a healthy, happy son who is thriving at school, I'm in a happy relationship, my home is safe and secure and I enjoy my job. My only issues now are surrounding money, I'm skint and in debt but it's nothing. I do feel like I have had some of the worst luck and I'm due some really good karma now, I might start doing the lottery!
The way I've got through everything is just to take each day as it comes, I have to get through because I have no choice! Every day doesnt have to be a good day, just get through it however I can. As time goes on, things do get easier and the pain numbs.

Sorry that was so long, I've given my entire life story!
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: 6
Reading these have made me incredibly sad, especially those who have lost children. I am sending so much love, I don't really have any other words. I hope life is kinder to all of you. I will share mine in a little while.

I had an unsettled childhood. My dad is foreign and left to live in his country when I was about 3, shortly after my older sister was diagnosed with cancer. My mum was away with her in hospital a lot and I stayed with family members. When I was very young I couldn't understand why both my parents had left me. After years of fighting, when I was 7 (and my sister was 16) she passed away in the night. We were living with my grandparents and she had a bed set up in the living room. The following morning I woke up for school, went downstairs to have my breakfast and discovered her body. I asked my mum why she wasnt breathing and she told me she was dead. I won't ever forget that moment.
After that we lived with my grandparents for years, my mum was suicidal and could only provide the most basic care for me and my younger sister. I had no real support and was left to get on with things, I cried myself to sleep most nights and had nightmares often. I also felt like I wanted to die a lot of the time.
When I was 12, my mum found us a house to live in and I was excited that we were going to be a normal family. My mums boyfriend also moved in though, he was nasty, controlling and abusive (mostly towards me). Their relationship finally ended years later when he threw her over a chair and fractured her skull and broke her ribs (he did this in front of me, I had to kick him out and call her an ambulance and go to the hospital with her).
Before this though I couldn't stand living with him and left to go and live with my dad, he was emotionally abusive. He would create arguments with me (for example ask me if I actually loved him, then accuse me of lying and say I dont love him). He would punish me by giving me the silent treatment, I would be kept in my bedroom only allowed out to go to school and allowed one meal a day. This would go on for weeks until I would break down, cry and apologise then he would be ok with me again for a couple weeks until the cycle started again. After a year of this he kicked me out and sent me back to England.
At this point I was 14 and my mum wouldn't let me back to her so I went to live with my grandparents again, probably the most settled couple years of my life! Once I left school at 16 I went to live with my mum but our relationship broke down quickly (I was angry, naughty, full of attitude and off the rails), I ended up living in a b&b as a child in care. I moved between temporary accommodation for 2 years then when I was 18 met a man a fair bit older than me and got pregnant. He was also very controlling (there is SO much I could say about him but honestly I am the least affected by him and what he did I dont even think about it. He was recently sectioned and I'm aware that his other childs mum to this day has nightmares about him), I had a difficult pregnancy then had a little girl, stillborn at 27 weeks. After the funeral, within 3 months of each other my lovely nanny passed away, I haemorrhaged and needed emergency surgery and my daughters father beat me literally black and blue.
I left him and met my current partner and my healing began. Slowly but surely things got better and the awful things stopped happening - I was given a council flat in an area nearby and it was the fresh start I needed. As time went on things got more and more settled and I started to become the person I wanted to be, started working and built up my confidence. I had a baby who is 4 now and things just got better.
Last year I got pregnant again, at my 20 week scan my baby was diagnosed with open spina bifida. He appeared to already have no movement in his legs and would have been severely disabled, I had to make the difficult decision to end the pregnancy. I gave birth at the end of June and he is buried with my daughter.
However, I am ok. Actually, I'm happy. My life has been chaotic and traumatic but I'm settled now. I have a good relationship with both my parents, I have a healthy, happy son who is thriving at school, I'm in a happy relationship, my home is safe and secure and I enjoy my job. My only issues now are surrounding money, I'm skint and in debt but it's nothing. I do feel like I have had some of the worst luck and I'm due some really good karma now, I might start doing the lottery!
The way I've got through everything is just to take each day as it comes, I have to get through because I have no choice! Every day doesnt have to be a good day, just get through it however I can. As time goes on, things do get easier and the pain numbs.

Sorry that was so long, I've given my entire life story!
I’m so sorry you’ve had such a difficult life but you sound so strong and positive now. I hope things continue to go well for you. You are an inspiration