It is a really difficult one to call. Do you think he could be pulling back because of the boss/employee dynamic? You could both be on the same page with it.
I think it is something like this. Everyone who knows me who I have asked has said that they believe he is inexperienced in love and sex (which he has said as well) and that he came to my room with the intention of making a move, then was too nervous/didn't know what to do. I obviously can't ask anyone who knows him, because that's violating his privacy. There is context missing here, such as him being in his mid-20s, very nerdy, never having had a girlfriend, still living with his mum, currently being tested for autism, which imo makes it more likely that my friends' theory is true.
I wasn't going to say this because it felt too "outing" but I'll just say it now: our job is being in a band. I am the songwriter and business leader, and he is employed as a musician for the current tour, which lasts until the end of the year. After that, we may renew our contract or not. This affects things, because behavioural norms for touring bands are so different than any other workplace. Crashing at each other's homes and hotel rooms is super normal, being friends outside of work is super normal, going on pub crawls is super normal - hell, we work in pubs! - hugging all your coworkers is super normal, hanging out and chatting about your feelings in the studio between takes is really normal.
However, like I said in the first post, I didn't want to include all the context here, because it wasn't relevant - I was just saying I'd received mixed signals on this one weekend and I was hurt, feeling rejected by someone I thought liked me.
At the end of the day, I can't read his mind, and as his boss I can't say "Will you just tell me if you want to date me or not?!" So unless he decides to tell me, there is nothing I can do. I have to find a way to be emotionally ok with his hot-and-cold behaviour. That's very difficult, because I care about him deeply and feel devastated at the thought of him getting with someone else. Of course I would never bring these feelings to work, but they hurt me inside. That's what I was ranting about.
If I can let go of my feelings, there's a
possibility I could say to him, "I really value our friendship, but I don't want us to have a misunderstanding that ruins our time working together. So I have to ask that you don't sign your texts to me with hearts, comment on my appearance, or try to come alone to my hotel room when we're touring, or expect to go on pub crawls with me when the rest of the team aren't there. I know you mean well, but it sends mixed signals which have the potential to hurt us." Then start politely rebuffing his hugs, etc. The only reasons I haven't done this already are
1) that I don't feel like this is a normal workplace crush. In the music biz there are hot interesting people everywhere and someone always has a crush on someone else, so normally I just bottle my feelings up and wait for them to pass). This really feels like a gentle authentic connection based on friendship and admiration. Not just two young-ish horny people. People here can call me delusional all they like, but the bullet points I write here can't explain what it's like when we're in the room together: we really like each other. Even our band mates have asked me whether we have a thing going on. This feels like something worth fighting for, not a normal crush. I don't want to turn him down if he might want to take things forward one day or at a slow pace.
2) we won't work together for ever. Our contract is over at the end of the year. After that, we may work together again, or we may not. What if he is waiting for us to not be co-workers anymore?
But the rollercoaster of receiving a flirtatious text from him and feeling hopeful, then having him leave just when I thought he was going to kiss me, and feeling suddenly like he doesn't like me, is hurting my mental health. That emotional rollercoaster always drives people crazy, and I'm not 17 anymore, I don't want all this.
So far my favourite option is to let him behave however he wants to, but try to cut off my emotions. I just am finding it so hard. Right now we're off work for 2 weeks, so I am taking a break from social media so I don't have to see him all the time.
(Sorry I write so much, it's a side effect of my ADHD meds. That's why college kids take them to write essays, lol.)
when it’s not actually their lives. 
