Tradesman makes me uncomfortable

[glasgow27]

I've been getting some flat renovation works done in the past week (painting and a carpet replaced with floor). My parents know a guy who they've used since I was a teenager (I think they went to school with him) and offered to pay so I went along with it.

Trouble is that the guy makes me very uncomfortable. Aside from having an eratic working schedule (please just choose a day and an arrival time, tell me and stick to it!), whinges often about anything, has a really snarky way of talking to people (which seems to be his 'humour') and seems to lack basic manners (saying please costs £0) plus just gives off a really intimidating vibe. In addition (and this is the part that bothers me most), he's made some vaguely homophobic comments to me about my interests.

He's been like this as long as I've known him, I've always felt uncomfortable in his presence but when he worked for my parents at their home, I at least felt like I could stay away. Now he's in my own much smaller flat, it's a lot worse. I'm grateful to get financial help here but I feel like I can't complain because other people are paying and because he does get the job done.

He seems to have had a change of heart and wants to be in tomorrow rather than Monday (which he told me would be when he's back) so I now have to change my plans at the 11th hour. Anyone else had a bad experience with tradespeople coming into their home? How can I handle this situation?

Apologies if I sound entitled FWIW.

 

[Lilbear1]

I have had similar & changed my plumber!!! But if you have to use this guy stick to your guns about the arranged date & time. You are paying him!!!, Maybe explain to your parents how you feel. Also make sure you arent alone with him if he makes you uncomfortable. Personally i would say something(i hate homophobic people)
You should NEVER feel uncomfortable in your own home

 

[emm]

I haven't had anything done in my flat yet but hopefully will soon, but my parents always advised me that you should indicate you are strongly considering another work immediately after what you have already paid to do,in this way they are incentivised to quickly finish your job and make a good impression rather than be looking for/starting work elsewhere.
About making you uncomfortable I have no idea, what an awful situation. Obviously not sure if you are male or female, but as a woman who lives alone I wish there were more female tradespeople tbh, I had to get a locksmith earlier this year and chose someone based on the fact that she was female as I felt more comfortable

 

[Ceelea]

The guy is definitely a jerk. Next time he creeps you out or says something anti-gay, calmly and firmly ask him not to speak or act that way. If he makes a big deal about it, tell him to leave and in any case, perhaps you should speak to your parents about his manners.

 

[1001 others]

I would go and stay elsewhere while the work is being done - make sure you lock away all your secrets (and underwear) because he sounds like the sort who would nosey and sniff through everything!

And also invest in some security cameras so you can keep an eye on his progress (you can pick them up super-cheap at electronic stores - they usually have an app you can view them via your phone with).

 

[DCICassieStuart]

You don't sound entitled at all. He just sounds like a nasty piece of work. Is it possible to just have your parents pay him for what he's done so far and then just tell him not to come back? Have you spoken to them about the situation at all?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Always trust your gut, women are socialised to be polite/agreeable which means we ignore red flags like this. There’s plenty of tradesmen out there, even if you have to wait a few weeks your safety is most important.

 

[glasgow27]

Thanks all for the advice. Regarding some of the comments, I don't think it's a gender thing and instead, definitely a personality/vibe thing - the rude comments and eratic hours can technically come from anyone. His work is nearly done from what I can see so think I'll just stay out of his way over the next couple of days (I'm busy with other things anyway) but I do think I'll have a word and try to avoid at all costs in future because something just doesn't feel right and you have to trust your gut, you know?

I know that tradesmen are usually a bit difficult, it's just that most don't actually makes me uncomfortable (had some other people in for boiler works recently and they were fine).

 

[Keikochan]

Can you get a friend or even 1 of your parents to come round while he there doing the work, just for these last few days till it finished?

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I know that tradesmen are usually a bit difficult, it's just that most don't actually makes me uncomfortable (had some other people in for boiler works recently and they were fine).

This is a really unfair and inaccurate comment.

Tradesmen aren’t “usually” difficult. What a ridiculous generalisation!

You need to just grow up and tell this guy to shut up . If you can’t do that then you need to start organising and paying for your own works to be done by other trades that you sort out yourself. This guy is presumably knocking a bit of money off the job as he knows your parents - doesn’t excuse him being an arsewipe but it’s your home so if you don’t like it, tell him to pack it in.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

This is a really unfair and inaccurate comment.

Tradesmen aren’t “usually” difficult. What a ridiculous generalisation!

Agree completely - this tends to be quite a classist generalisation tbh so OP maybe consider where that sentiment comes from

 

[glasgow27]

Agree completely - this tends to be quite a classist generalisation tbh so OP maybe consider where that sentiment comes from

Sorry - I've re-read my post and it does sound a bit snobbish. What I said did not come across the right way at all so completely apologise.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Sorry - re-read the post and that did not come across the right way at all, completely apologise and promise nothing was intended.

thank you, this is appreciated x

But seriously don’t ignore your gut if he’s giving you bad vibes it doesn’t matter if he’s late or cheap or whatever it’s your body’s way of telling you it doesn’t feel safe so just get rid.

 

[rainbowlemon]

I also wanted to say trust your instincts and the vibes you're getting from someone, even if they've done nothing wrong. Like here said you can always find someone new.