Toddler advice thread

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How’s have I just found this thread. My son will be 2 in March and I’m having such a difficult time with him at the moment. We went to toddler group this morning his behaviour was terrible I ended up coming away early as I was so embarrassed by his tantrums I felt judged. He’s fighting his nap and bedtime (hasn’t been a great sleeper most he sleeps at night is 10 hours) I do things with him constantly and it never seems to pacify him. His temper tantrum’s have been off the scale. He really is a lovely wee boy and when we go to his gymnastics class he loves it doesn’t want to leave. Sorry just needed somewhere to vent
 
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How’s have I just found this thread. My son will be 2 in March and I’m having such a difficult time with him at the moment. We went to toddler group this morning his behaviour was terrible I ended up coming away early as I was so embarrassed by his tantrums I felt judged. He’s fighting his nap and bedtime (hasn’t been a great sleeper most he sleeps at night is 10 hours) I do things with him constantly and it never seems to pacify him. His temper tantrum’s have been off the scale. He really is a lovely wee boy and when we go to his gymnastics class he loves it doesn’t want to leave. Sorry just needed somewhere to vent
Drop the nap time. If he’s fighting it, what’s the point? Drop it and move his bed time an hour earlier.

what’s his diet like? Meals? Snacks? Drinks?
 
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How’s have I just found this thread. My son will be 2 in March and I’m having such a difficult time with him at the moment. We went to toddler group this morning his behaviour was terrible I ended up coming away early as I was so embarrassed by his tantrums I felt judged. He’s fighting his nap and bedtime (hasn’t been a great sleeper most he sleeps at night is 10 hours) I do things with him constantly and it never seems to pacify him. His temper tantrum’s have been off the scale. He really is a lovely wee boy and when we go to his gymnastics class he loves it doesn’t want to leave. Sorry just needed somewhere to vent
I agree with dropping the nap time. My second dropped her nap just after she turned 1. She started fighting it. And it was causing more stress trying to get her to go to sleep.
We put her bed time back an hour and she went to sleep perfectly at 6pm. Worked perfect for us
 
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How’s have I just found this thread. My son will be 2 in March and I’m having such a difficult time with him at the moment. We went to toddler group this morning his behaviour was terrible I ended up coming away early as I was so embarrassed by his tantrums I felt judged. He’s fighting his nap and bedtime (hasn’t been a great sleeper most he sleeps at night is 10 hours) I do things with him constantly and it never seems to pacify him. His temper tantrum’s have been off the scale. He really is a lovely wee boy and when we go to his gymnastics class he loves it doesn’t want to leave. Sorry just needed somewhere to vent
How is his speech and understanding? Is part of his meltdown perhaps that he isn’t able to convey what’s happening and how he’s feeling? Eg he wants the car someone else has, but he can’t say it so it comes out as a meltdown instead?
I always try to remember (try! Don’t always manage it!) that toddler meltdowns aren’t bad behaviour, they are just their way of communicating big feelings. They can’t control their emotions yet (even adults struggle at times to control big emotions), and so sometimes when they are totally out of control like that big hugs and some calm time with you can help.
Does he get lots of choices during the day? Like ask him do you want to do painting or go for a walk? The red cup or the blue cup? A lot of their big emotions come because they feel they don’t have control, and if we help give them control over the small choices it can help make things run a bit more smoothly.
 
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How’s have I just found this thread. My son will be 2 in March and I’m having such a difficult time with him at the moment. We went to toddler group this morning his behaviour was terrible I ended up coming away early as I was so embarrassed by his tantrums I felt judged. He’s fighting his nap and bedtime (hasn’t been a great sleeper most he sleeps at night is 10 hours) I do things with him constantly and it never seems to pacify him. His temper tantrum’s have been off the scale. He really is a lovely wee boy and when we go to his gymnastics class he loves it doesn’t want to leave. Sorry just needed somewhere to vent
When my toddler was “exercising his own choices”, he was very much like this. I use to leave things mortified that he didn’t want to sit and bang a drum, but rather play somewhere else. I totally agree with @Definitelyme; give him a choice for everything and a plan. We still do this with littlepotato now and he’s 5 in May. I ask him what cup he wants, what colour cheese, what bubble bath… it doesn’t matter as the answer is always the same for me, he’s going to drink, he will eat, he will wash but it gives him control and power over his decisions. If a temper tantrum starts, allow him to cry and scream and patiently wait. If you can, carry them to a safe place. I’ve sat down in the middle of Aldi before saying that I understand, I’m here if you want a cuddle etc. that’s the only time someone has complimented me on my parenting as he soon came out of the tantrum with a minute or so. Btw I say If they are safe to move… little has broken my nose before.

with plans, I always say “we are going to Asda first, then the doctor, then the park.” & get him to repeat it back to me. Sometimes he asks for the park first, but I remind him that it’s in an order for a reason because Mummy needs X.

If it’s any help, littlepotato hated toddler groups.
 
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Cannot believe Little Potato broke your nose @nurseren 😱😱😱😱 that’s mental! Mine are more silent sobbers, we luckily haven’t ever had flailers 🤣

My kids have never been a fan of toddler groups. And when it comes to any organised toddler activity (like the singing part at toddler group) they just are not having it. It used to make me really self conscious, and annoyed at my child… which is so silly because why should my kid have to sing along right now just because someone else decided it’s time?! I’d probably not be best pleased if I was sitting doing something and my husband told me “it’s time to sing, come on!” (actually I’d think he’d lost the plot but you know what I mean!)
 
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Cannot believe Little Potato broke your nose @nurseren 😱😱😱😱 that’s mental! Mine are more silent sobbers, we luckily haven’t ever had flailers 🤣

My kids have never been a fan of toddler groups. And when it comes to any organised toddler activity (like the singing part at toddler group) they just are not having it. It used to make me really self conscious, and annoyed at my child… which is so silly because why should my kid have to sing along right now just because someone else decided it’s time?! I’d probably not be best pleased if I was sitting doing something and my husband told me “it’s time to sing, come on!” (actually I’d think he’d lost the plot but you know what I mean!)
I picked him up as he was near the fireplace, and he threw himself back and smashed my nose. I dropped him, so cue him screaming more and I had blood everywhere and my glasses bent. I was in shock! After that, I’d drag him by his ankles away from things. Littlepotato ain’t little, he’s a beefy potato!

toddler groups, where your ruly toddler is required to sit and listen 🤣
 
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Drop the nap time. If he’s fighting it, what’s the point? Drop it and move his bed time an hour earlier.

his meals/snacks and drinks are fine eats plenty and always has access to his cup which he drinks a lot of daily. I didn’t put him for a nap today and he’s now crashed out on the sofa 🙈


I agree with dropping the nap time. My second dropped her nap just after she turned 1. She started fighting it. And it was causing more stress trying to get her to go to sleep.
We put her bed time back an hour and she went to sleep perfectly at 6pm. Worked perfect for us
I didn’t put him for a nap today and he’s now crashed out on the sofa 🙈


How is his speech and understanding? Is part of his meltdown perhaps that he isn’t able to convey what’s happening and how he’s feeling? Eg he wants the car someone else has, but he can’t say it so it comes out as a meltdown instead?
I always try to remember (try! Don’t always manage it!) that toddler meltdowns aren’t bad behaviour, they are just their way of communicating big feelings. They can’t control their emotions yet (even adults struggle at times to control big emotions), and so sometimes when they are totally out of control like that big hugs and some calm time with you can help.
Does he get lots of choices during the day? Like ask him do you want to do painting or go for a walk? The red cup or the blue cup? A lot of their big emotions come because they feel they don’t have control, and if we help give them control over the small choices it can help make things run a bit more smoothly.
He can say a few words not loads but he does understand things and when we say for example will we get your breakfast, he runs to his high chair and pats it then runs to the kitchen as he knows his food etc is there. He takes my hand to show me what he wants I do think he does get frustrated but I’m not concerned at his speech as I know it will come and he’s still young. Yes I do constant activities with him (full time mum) like painting, drawing, walks to the park, building blocks etc. He has always been a very active child always on the go I think his personality is like that. I’m like this myself have to be on the go constantly


When my toddler was “exercising his own choices”, he was very much like this. I use to leave things mortified that he didn’t want to sit and bang a drum, but rather play somewhere else. I totally agree with @Definitelyme; give him a choice for everything and a plan. We still do this with littlepotato now and he’s 5 in May. I ask him what cup he wants, what colour cheese, what bubble bath… it doesn’t matter as the answer is always the same for me, he’s going to drink, he will eat, he will wash but it gives him control and power over his decisions. If a temper tantrum starts, allow him to cry and scream and patiently wait. If you can, carry them to a safe place. I’ve sat down in the middle of Aldi before saying that I understand, I’m here if you want a cuddle etc. that’s the only time someone has complimented me on my parenting as he soon came out of the tantrum with a minute or so. Btw I say If they are safe to move… little has broken my nose before.

with plans, I always say “we are going to Asda first, then the doctor, then the park.” & get him to repeat it back to me. Sometimes he asks for the park first, but I remind him that it’s in an order for a reason because Mummy needs X.

If it’s any help, littlepotato hated toddler groups.
thanks for your tips. I do usually chat to him constantly saying we need to go here then here or if no where particular I say which way will we walk to the park and let him choose. I know what your saying about the tantrums, me and husband usually let him lie (safely) and get it out of his system. It’s just when I go to play group he’s the only one that seems to be behaving like that and I feel so embarrassed by it. I got myself in such a state when I got home I was really upset over yet again it being my child who was misbehaving. I know that sounds silly but at the time it was just a bit overwhelming

Thanks everyone for helpful suggestions x
 
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argh danger nap! Little potato only fought sleep when he was having a growth spurt. He napped until he was past 4yrs but I always have a nap too! Maybe introduce quiet time? It’s where it’s no electronics, just quiet independent play in his room. Set a timer and you can breathe, have a brew, browse tattle and he can rest and relax. 9/10 times little potato will put himself to bed, and even now we have family quiet time to decompress. It’s 1620 and littlepotato is listening to a story on the Alexa and I’m making tea. Nice and chill.
 
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If fighting nap times and bed times and still in a cot then my suggestion would be to get them into a toddler bed. We converted our cotbed once he turned 2 because of this - he had dropped his nap and don't think he liked being in the cot so got him into his toddler bed and bedtimes became easy again. Would sit next to him and read a couple of stories and leave him to fall asleep. We were lucky he was a good sleeper and didn't bother getting out or anything and took to it amazing. Loads of people told me to keep him in a cot but glad I didn't listen
 
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If fighting nap times and bed times and still in a cot then my suggestion would be to get them into a toddler bed. We converted our cotbed once he turned 2 because of this - he had dropped his nap and don't think he liked being in the cot so got him into his toddler bed and bedtimes became easy again. Would sit next to him and read a couple of stories and leave him to fall asleep. We were lucky he was a good sleeper and didn't bother getting out or anything and took to it amazing. Loads of people told me to keep him in a cot but glad I didn't listen
thats a good tip! Moving to a proper bed was so much easier; especially if they are sick, you can lie next to them.
 
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@pinksunsetx91 don't feel that you’re the only person whose child isn’t behaving perfectly at playgroups etc, we’ve all been there, and other mums will only feel sympathy that today is your turn. Certainly nobody will be judging you (or if they are they are an asshole)
Just to say as well I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t doing activities with him, apologies if it came across that way. I meant more to give him the choice of which activity comes next eg painting or a walk, a book or play dough, just to allow him that control aspect. Does he get some down time for “free” play so to speak? I find some of mine really need the time alone to play from an early age to regulate themselves. Im a SAHM as well, and I know the days at home can be long with a toddler at times. But building in that time for independent play has been really important for my 2nd and 3rd. And if all else fails on a bad day, my go to is always outdoors. I feel less overwhelmed, and it pulls the grump right out of all my kids!!
 
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argh danger nap! Little potato only fought sleep when he was having a growth spurt. He napped until he was past 4yrs but I always have a nap too! Maybe introduce quiet time? It’s where it’s no electronics, just quiet independent play in his room. Set a timer and you can breathe, have a brew, browse tattle and he can rest and relax. 9/10 times little potato will put himself to bed, and even now we have family quiet time to decompress. It’s 1620 and littlepotato is listening to a story on the Alexa and I’m making tea. Nice and chill.
Thanks will give this a try, always good to hear tips from other mums who have been there


If fighting nap times and bed times and still in a cot then my suggestion would be to get them into a toddler bed. We converted our cotbed once he turned 2 because of this - he had dropped his nap and don't think he liked being in the cot so got him into his toddler bed and bedtimes became easy again. Would sit next to him and read a couple of stories and leave him to fall asleep. We were lucky he was a good sleeper and didn't bother getting out or anything and took to it amazing. Loads of people told me to keep him in a cot but glad I didn't listen
He is still in his cot, I was toying with moving him into a toddler bed so it’s good to hear positive advice with this think will buy him a bed and see how we get on, Thank you


@pinksunsetx91 don't feel that you’re the only person whose child isn’t behaving perfectly at playgroups etc, we’ve all been there, and other mums will only feel sympathy that today is your turn. Certainly nobody will be judging you (or if they are they are an asshole)
Just to say as well I didn’t mean to imply you weren’t doing activities with him, apologies if it came across that way. I meant more to give him the choice of which activity comes next eg painting or a walk, a book or play dough, just to allow him that control aspect. Does he get some down time for “free” play so to speak? I find some of mine really need the time alone to play from an early age to regulate themselves. Im a SAHM as well, and I know the days at home can be long with a toddler at times. But building in that time for independent play has been really important for my 2nd and 3rd. And if all else fails on a bad day, my go to is always outdoors. I feel less overwhelmed, and it pulls the grump right out of all my kids!!
Oh no please don’t apologise I didn’t take it that way at all honestly, sorry if it came across that way. I’m more than happy to hear people’s suggestions/experiences dealing with anything as it’s helpful. I didn’t mean to sound rude when I said sahm either sorry if it came across that way, it can be very lonely sometimes can’t it, which Is why I do want to try meet other mums for my own sanity to. He has free play in the morning after breakfast before we head out for the day and usually when we come back in and I’m sorting the tea before husband gets in from work. I will admit he was difficult to get to play independently he always seems to want myself to play/reassure him. Thanks for all your advice it’s been very helpful
 
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Thanks will give this a try, always good to hear tips from other mums who have been there



He is still in his cot, I was toying with moving him into a toddler bed so it’s good to hear positive advice with this think will buy him a bed and see how we get on, Thank you



Oh no please don’t apologise I didn’t take it that way at all honestly, sorry if it came across that way. I’m more than happy to hear people’s suggestions/experiences dealing with anything as it’s helpful. I didn’t mean to sound rude when I said sahm either sorry if it came across that way, it can be very lonely sometimes can’t it, which Is why I do want to try meet other mums for my own sanity to. He has free play in the morning after breakfast before we head out for the day and usually when we come back in and I’m sorting the tea before husband gets in from work. I will admit he was difficult to get to play independently he always seems to want myself to play/reassure him. Thanks for all your advice it’s been very helpful
It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job!! Is he your eldest? My eldest found it really hard to play alone as well as a toddler, I think from chatting with some other mums over the years that’s pretty common. I think just keep trucking on, make sure that you’re being really consistent setting boundaries and remember this will pass. Toddlers can be hellions 😵💫 but they can be sweet, loving little hellions as well 🥰
 
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It sounds to me like you are doing a wonderful job!! Is he your eldest? My eldest found it really hard to play alone as well as a toddler, I think from chatting with some other mums over the years that’s pretty common. I think just keep trucking on, make sure that you’re being really consistent setting boundaries and remember this will pass. Toddlers can be hellions 😵💫 but they can be sweet, loving little hellions as well 🥰
Thank you for your kind reassuring words. It’s a relief to hear others have been there/got through it, some days is just so hard isn’t it but we will get there I love him to bits and wouldn’t change him for the world. He’s my first baby I’m currently pregnant with our second baby. I had him two weeks before the first uk lockdown. You sound like a fab mum and have helped cheer me up. Thank you x
 
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When toddlers are grumpy, either stick them in the bath, take them outside or stick them in the car. Those are my 3 fail safe methods.

don’t worry @pinksunsetx91, little potato has had two massive meltdowns in his life. As in, crying and being unable to cope. The worst out of the two was at Typhoon Lagoon in Florida. Huge family holiday, all of us in one mini van to a water park. To cut a long story short he ended up hysterical which led to me being hysterical and sunburned. Husband ended up having little potato under his arm like a barrel, me holding his hand the other side and us both wailing. We couldn’t leave as that meant the entire family leaving so littlepotato and I laid down on the mini vans floor crying until we fell asleep, while my darling husband sat in the car missing out on all the fun.

don’t ever apologise to anyone, especially us, about your toddler. If you have IG check out biglittlefeelings, that really helped me get a grasp on gentle/responsive parenting and stopped me feeling guilty. I’ve been through a really bad time and some days were spent in bed with littlepotato just watching TV. I would feel so guilty, but littlepotato would say it was the best day ever as he was with me all day.
 
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When toddlers are grumpy, either stick them in the bath, take them outside or stick them in the car. Those are my 3 fail safe methods.

don’t worry @pinksunsetx91, little potato has had two massive meltdowns in his life. As in, crying and being unable to cope. The worst out of the two was at Typhoon Lagoon in Florida. Huge family holiday, all of us in one mini van to a water park. To cut a long story short he ended up hysterical which led to me being hysterical and sunburned. Husband ended up having little potato under his arm like a barrel, me holding his hand the other side and us both wailing. We couldn’t leave as that meant the entire family leaving so littlepotato and I laid down on the mini vans floor crying until we fell asleep, while my darling husband sat in the car missing out on all the fun.

don’t ever apologise to anyone, especially us, about your toddler. If you have IG check out biglittlefeelings, that really helped me get a grasp on gentle/responsive parenting and stopped me feeling guilty. I’ve been through a really bad time and some days were spent in bed with littlepotato just watching TV. I would feel so guilty, but littlepotato would say it was the best day ever as he was with me all day.
Thank you so much will definitely look up the ig page you recommended. Yesterday was a better day and we had lots of cuddles on the couch which I think we both needed. You have all been so helpful/reassuring on here. The leader sent me a text yesterday to check I was ok (slightly embarrassed by this) and said her child was the exact same and I have to come back and even if it’s just for half an hour at the start and build it up which I think I’m going to try to thanks again for your help x
 
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Thank you so much will definitely look up the ig page you recommended. Yesterday was a better day and we had lots of cuddles on the couch which I think we both needed. You have all been so helpful/reassuring on here. The leader sent me a text yesterday to check I was ok (slightly embarrassed by this) and said her child was the exact same and I have to come back and even if it’s just for half an hour at the start and build it up which I think I’m going to try to thanks again for your help x
Don’t be embarrassed at all! I think that was a lovely thing for her to do, and some great practical suggestions as well. Try and see it as if it was happening to another mum you’d want to show her your support and solidarity, we are all in the same boat (sometimes it’s the titanic at my house 🤣) and it’s little ways of letting other mums know you’ve been there and you get it that can really help.
 
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My 3 year loved playgroup as a baby but now she doesn’t seem to enjoy them so much. Personally I think it’s because she just wants to do her own thing and doesn’t want to be told when she can or can’t use her shaker 😂 but honestly no kid behaves perfectly at toddler groups, they are their own person and I’ve just accepted now that she’ll take what she wants from it and if she joins in great and if she sulks in the corner that’s fine too lol. I do sympathise though as it’s meant to be nice bonding time together but they have other ideas! Just want to let you know you’re not alone and we’re all just winging it trying to keep our shit together!
 
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@pinksunsetx91
Omg I could have written practically everything you said. Like everything!! This has brought me some comfort knowing I’m not the only one with an “active” toddler. We are actually in the process of possible ASD diagnosis and been accepted for SLT but on a waiting list. We just go to the toddler groups that are managed by the council so they’re free and I have found that the women who run them and even the other parents are so much more understanding and patient than the ones you pay for. I find those ones are full of snobs with perfect children that can do their 12 times tables by age 3! Lol
The one major blessing I have with all his active behaviour is that he sleeps so so well from like 7:30-7:30 but he is basically bedsharing so makes life a lot easier. Some people say that’s lazy parenting but actually we all love to cuddle and one day they won’t want to. Not “making a rod for my own back” as I’m pretty sure he won’t be asking to sleep in mummy’s bed when he’s 12! He is 3 months older than your boy so maybe it’s just the age they’re at!
 
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