Things I’ve learnt from Therapy

[Isa Drennan]

You can’t always control other people’s actions. Accountability is important, but so is realising not everything is your fault.

The most important thing I’ve learnt is about your inner child. When you’re upset imagine you’re looking at your 8 or 9 year old self, if they were upset now, you wouldn’t put them down or punish them, you’d treat them with compassion by hugging them and consoling them. I always try to “console” my inner child when I’m feeling distressed

 

[birdiefly246]

Therapy was the best thing to ever happen to me. The last year and a half I've seen the most changes but it took awhile for me to figure out the problem. I pay privately which I'm lucky to be in a position that I can afford.

I think the most I've learned is to talk myself down and not beat myself up. I have a habit of falling into perfectionism and it's nice to talk to someone and realise that it's okay if I get out of bed at 10am instead of at 5am, run a marathon, clean the house, eat a healthy breakfast cooked from scratch. It's okay if I haven't done much with my day.
Also someone who validates things. I tend to minimise my struggles and don't like to say what I want or need, it's been really helpful having someone say to me that my feelings and needs are okay to have and they should be met.

I've learned a lot so will be back with more when I think of them

 

[Lalisa_mb]

I thought it would be nice to share things we’ve learnt from therapy, can be helpful for those who have not got access to therapy ...

I know I find it comforting not feeling alone/knowing that someone experiences something similar to me yet is getting better

I finally referred myself (after 11 attempts) and called my GP. I hope to take psychotherapy sessions for my anxiety / depression prior to going on medication. I will share what I have learnt here as a reminder for myself and those who could benefit from it too

Feel free to share your experiences/growth on anything you’ve achieved through therapy, CBT, etc

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I've seen a counsellor 3 times due to a bad, controlling relationship where my trust had completely went to shit. I was so reliant on this person even though they were putting me through hell.

My counsellor taught me that thoughts are not facts... I get upset, angry, sad about scenarios I have made up in my mind and then played out as if they have happened, are happening or will happen. I am such a bad person for over-thinking.. this really helped me. I would then go and find similar sort of quotes online and reread them over and over until I was believing what I was reading x

 

[birdiefly246]

You can’t always control other people’s actions. Accountability is important, but so is realising not everything is your fault.

The most important thing I’ve learnt is about your inner child. When you’re upset imagine you’re looking at your 8 or 9 year old self, if they were upset now, you wouldn’t put them down or punish them, you’d treat them with compassion by hugging them and consoling them. I always try to “console” my inner child when I’m feeling distressed

YES! I did a lot of inner child work and I find writing letters really helps. I think it helped me tune in to when my inner child was in the driving seat of my decisions. There were times when I'd feel like a rational adult and then other times when emotion would take over. After discussing it, I realised that child me was reacting to something. A lot of people say that it comes up when they have kids. So like if you were humiliated as a kid for not being able to tie your shoes for example, when your own child is learning to do that you may have a reaction to it cause your body remembers.

 

[DCICassieStuart]

How did you guys go about finding a therapist? I get confused between the difference in counselling and therapy and I want to find the right person. Mainly wanting to talk about childhood attachment/abandonment and how this is impacting me now

I found mine (she's a psychotherapist, I pay privately) from word of mouth. A friend of mine had gone to her. I'd been to two others beforehand and I felt that neither of them had the slightest interest in what I was saying and were just sitting there umming and ahhing while watching the clock.

I was going to just give up on the whole thing and not bother until my friend told me to go to her therapist, that she was very different, and she is. She listens to what I'm saying and interacts with me and I've never felt rushed. A session is an hour, but will usually go over by 5 or 10 minutes and she just gently brings it to a close. She's in her job because she genuinely wants to help people and not just to make a quick buck which is what I felt the other two were like.

 

[Isa Drennan]

I didn't bode well with therapy.

I had 6 months of rapid eye movement therapy. It wasn't very nice. I don't think I was ready and was doing it to tick a box, rather than me being ready to face my trauma head on. I had a mental breakdown which ended in a life changing incident soon after, I saw a psychiatrist who was quite high up in her line of work, who I had funnily enough worked with before, she declared the particular therapy I had as "claptrap" that in her years of psychiatry she has more often seen it do harm than good. However, I know of a couple of people who insist it helped them. I really suffered. I was made to relive things, which I did, I pretended I was fine just to get that box ticked. I did not only at therapy sessions but at home, often at night on my own. However I was smoking shit loads of pot at the time and was insisting I hadn't, even when I reaked of it. Apparently you are not meant to be using any recreational drugs while doing this therapy.

I personally learnt it isn't something to be rushed, or even talked into and certainly not pressured into, especially if you suffer with traumatic flashbacks. Honesty is the best policy, else there is no point in doing it. I once had a therapist I had quite condescending, calling my dress sense "immature" but grinned and bared her, to get that box ticked. I often went in with heaps of resentment. It is key to work with somebody and when YOU are completely ready. Some awful stuff can resurface and a strong mindset is required I feel for the more intense therapies.

I became a stronger person in the end but I could have done without the mental breakdown of my soul which ultimately effected the lives of my family, in between. Some therapies need to come with strong warnings!

EMDR is hard work, especially if you've got a lot of historic interpersonal trauma. Personally, I don't think bringing someone back to their trauma under the guise of "therapy" is ever appropriate, there's a lot of critical research which says EMDR "may" only be appropriate for short term management of PTSD, I definitely wouldn't be advocating it for any other mental health conditions, unless the clinician has a compassionate understanding of trauma For some of the "trickier" aspects of emotional dysregulation, I believe EMDR would definitely cause more harm than good.

Would you ever try person-centred therapy? It's very positive psychology, rather than being as gruelling/intense as EMDR, but isn't labelling you into a six sessions then you're cured box that CBT often does! Person centred counselling focuses on unconditional positive regard, empathy and enabling insight For trauma particularly, building insight with trust is always very helpful. Trauma-focused yoga is another concept which is having promising results

 

[openbook1]

So I’m just wondering if anyone else has had this issue. I recently had some therapy with a therapist I felt I really worked well with, she was brilliant. However it was agreed at the start of the therapy that each session would be an hour. Yet every session she would bring it to a close after 45 minutes. One of my issues is over accommodating for people and never wanting to cause a fuss (she knew this) so I never brought it up. One session our conversation naturally went to a place where I felt comfortable asking have you ever had someone that wanted every minute of the session even if things had naturally wound to a close before the hour was up. She very abruptly said no not really and I’d never found her to be abrupt before, I could tell I’d annoyed her a bit (maybe I was projecting) and felt bad. Has anyone else ever had a similar issue?

Just to add (as I know my previous post wasn’t really in reply to the point of op’s thread), therapy was a great experience for me. I learnt so much about myself and just being able to share vulnerabilities in a safe non judgemental space was so valuable.

If you are paying for 1 hour. You should get an hour. If she doesn't want to do it, find another therapist.

 

[geeemcee]

How did you guys go about finding a therapist? I get confused between the difference in counselling and therapy and I want to find the right person. Mainly wanting to talk about childhood attachment/abandonment and how this is impacting me now

 

[Lollypad]

I loved therapy (second time round, and it was CBT) and if I’m ever in a strong enough financial position I’d love to just have an hour a week anyway! A couple of big points for me:
1. Thoughts are not facts. So my thoughts are my reactions to a situation, I can’t read minds, I don’t know what someone is thinking. All I have to do is look at the facts.
2. The worry tree resource - is there anything I can do about the situation right this second? Can I set time aside later on to think about the problem? Will worrying about it change the outcome? It takes a lot of brain training but it was very helpful.

My husband has a lot of mental health problems and insecurity issues and has an amazing therapist. He benefits from it greatly but often misses them or cancels because he hates how much money they cost even though they’re so beneficial. Has anyone got them on the nhs and did they like them?

Ah sorry just seen this - mine was NHS CBT, first course round was ok but I didn’t gel with my therapist. Second time round, my therapist honestly changed my life, and I’m so grateful. Both times involved around a 10 month waiting list though.

 

[Pinkblush]

How did you guys go about finding a therapist? I get confused between the difference in counselling and therapy and I want to find the right person. Mainly wanting to talk about childhood attachment/abandonment and how this is impacting me now

Counsellor - is an advisor. Counselling involves two people working together (you and they) to solve the problem

Physcotherapy - therapy is usually a longer-term treatment that focuses on gaining insight into physical and emotional problems. Its focus on thought processes that may be influenced from past experiences/traumas
Good luck!

 

[Sally1993]

It taught me to take a deep breath and count down from ten.

Worrying about things today won’t change what happens tomorrow.

You can’t control other people’s actions, so just let go.

 

[ChloChlo]

I didn't bode well with therapy.

I had 6 months of rapid eye movement therapy. It wasn't very nice. I don't think I was ready and was doing it to tick a box, rather than me being ready to face my trauma head on. I had a mental breakdown which ended in a life changing incident soon after, I saw a psychiatrist who was quite high up in her line of work, who I had funnily enough worked with before, she declared the particular therapy I had as "claptrap" that in her years of psychiatry she has more often seen it do harm than good. However, I know of a couple of people who insist it helped them. I really suffered. I was made to relive things, which I did, I pretended I was fine just to get that box ticked. I did not only at therapy sessions but at home, often at night on my own. However I was smoking shit loads of pot at the time and was insisting I hadn't, even when I reaked of it. Apparently you are not meant to be using any recreational drugs while doing this therapy.

I personally learnt it isn't something to be rushed, or even talked into and certainly not pressured into, especially if you suffer with traumatic flashbacks. Honesty is the best policy, else there is no point in doing it. I once had a therapist I had quite condescending, calling my dress sense "immature" but grinned and bared her, to get that box ticked. I often went in with heaps of resentment. It is key to work with somebody and when YOU are completely ready. Some awful stuff can resurface and a strong mindset is required I feel for the more intense therapies.

I became a stronger person in the end but I could have done without the mental breakdown of my soul which ultimately effected the lives of my family, in between. Some therapies need to come with strong warnings!

 

[Ravenclaw24]

"See yourself as a friend." Helps to talk to yourself in a gentler way, give yourself better advice. Therapist may not always be easily accessible at short notice, so building a friendship with yourself really helps in those hard moments. Talk to yourself as you would a friend, and you'll usually find yourself giving good advice.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Don’t worry about things you can’t control, there is no point.

It sounds so simple, but I didn’t even realise this until a therapist pointed it out to me. I use it so much now in my daily life and it’s something I say to other people a lot.

 

[Jon9090]

I has therapy for 6 months, mainly for a traumatising experience and the break up off and year relationship with my bpd ex girlfriend. I learnt it OK to be selfish and focus on yourself , It's OK to say no, If people are self destructing and destroying themselves ultimately until they hit rock-bottom and want to change don't bother trying to help them. And ultimately don't let someone be a massive detriment to your mental health no matter the circumstances.

 

[birdiefly246]

How did you guys go about finding a therapist? I get confused between the difference in counselling and therapy and I want to find the right person. Mainly wanting to talk about childhood attachment/abandonment and how this is impacting me now

I just googled therapist in my area and it was on psychology today or some website like that. They have a list of the things they can cover and what they specialise in. If you're wanting to talk about childhood then you need a therapist. A counsellor is more how to deal with an issue and change your focus e.g CBT things like that. A therapist is someone who has a degree in it and can deal with trauma etc.

 

[Hgame]

So I’m just wondering if anyone else has had this issue. I recently had some therapy with a therapist I felt I really worked well with, she was brilliant. However it was agreed at the start of the therapy that each session would be an hour. Yet every session she would bring it to a close after 45 minutes. One of my issues is over accommodating for people and never wanting to cause a fuss (she knew this) so I never brought it up. One session our conversation naturally went to a place where I felt comfortable asking have you ever had someone that wanted every minute of the session even if things had naturally wound to a close before the hour was up. She very abruptly said no not really and I’d never found her to be abrupt before, I could tell I’d annoyed her a bit (maybe I was projecting) and felt bad. Has anyone else ever had a similar issue?

Just to add (as I know my previous post wasn’t really in reply to the point of op’s thread), therapy was a great experience for me. I learnt so much about myself and just being able to share vulnerabilities in a safe non judgemental space was so valuable.

 

[56789123]

I thought it would be nice to share things we’ve learnt from therapy, can be helpful for those who have not got access to therapy ...

I know I find it comforting not feeling alone/knowing that someone experiences something similar to me yet is getting better

I finally referred myself (after 11 attempts) and called my GP. I hope to take psychotherapy sessions for my anxiety / depression prior to going on medication. I will share what I have learnt here as a reminder for myself and those who could benefit from it too

Feel free to share your experiences/growth on anything you’ve achieved through therapy, CBT, etc

My husband has a lot of mental health problems and insecurity issues and has an amazing therapist. He benefits from it greatly but often misses them or cancels because he hates how much money they cost even though they’re so beneficial. Has anyone got them on the nhs and did they like them?

 

[Annie101]

i used to go to therapy. Through about 20 appointments and talking a lot of tears i failed to admit and say out loud that my husband is an alcoholic. At the time i didnt even consider telling her, and i dont know why I felt that the shame and secret is too big to share. Every time whilst my husband was drunk I told him that he choosing alcohol over me. I realize i have abandonment issues as I never knew my biological father and always felt i did not fit into the family where my mom and stepdad's children came first. Now that i know what my problem in this is, I have a better handle on it.